DH says something interesting to me
DH and I were arguing about this whole messed up situation with him lying to me and deceiving me with regard to SD18.
Anyway, we had the circular (never ending and no resolution) discussion regarding why he not only accepts SD18's crap treatment of me but actually approves/endorses it by continuing to have a perfectly normal, no strings attached, no expectations relationship with her.
DH feels sorry for the brat! He says he CHOSE me (as his life partner) but had no choice in the person who was his child. So he takes the good (what little of it there is) and ignores the bad. It's his way of "dealing" with the situation.
I say that's crap. Anybody else been fed this line? And what did you think about it?
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I also say that's crap. I
I also say that's crap. I haven't been fed that line but now that my skids are aged 30 and 26, my DH deeply regrets his inactive parenting over the years - too late!!!
Really, none of us can have possibly chosen the people who are our children. DH and I have 3 bios together, our 12 year old is difficult (I think it's just his nature). But we OWE it to them (and to the society our kids inhabit) to carry out the duty and responisibility of parenting. If we don't do it no-one else will. My DH also stood by whilst skids were rude/disrespectful towards me, and yes, it was up to him to put a stop to it and he never did.
I don't see how a "no-strings attached/no expectations" situation can ever work as a parent.
I agree. I can't pick my
I agree. I can't pick my kids' personality, but I sure as hell can do my best to guide them to be decent, respectful people. And I can make them understand how disappointed I am if they choose to do differently. It's kind of like the parent of the mass murderer who sticks by their child's side no matter what and says, "Well if x hadn't done y, then my child wouldn't have killed him." Always someone else's problem and always everybody else's responsibility to make accommodations for SD18's dysfunctions.
Children are born innocent
Children are born innocent and are "raised" to be the people they become. What a cop out. If he didn't at least insist I be treated with respect, that would be a deal breaker for me because it's all a matter of respect for the person you "choose" to spend your life with
I feel for you. I'm in a
I feel for you. I'm in a similar position. My husabnd feels sorry for his kids too because their mother has passed on and they play that up to guilt him and get things out of him (and they are all over 18 and have been made aware of their manipulative tactics). It's so hard. I wish I could offer better advice, other than don't let anyone walk all over your or mistreat you. When you know you're coming from a good place in your heart, you can't go wrong and setting boundaries to preserve your sanity is essential. And making sure your husband and you have strategies for dealing with the challenges or are on the same page. I think that's the most challenging part . . . best of luck to you!!