Hi, my name is misty and this is my first blog. I have been w my husband (dh, I guess?) going on 7 yrs. We moved in together when I was 24 and his son was 3. He was a single dad, or so I thought, and that's part of what made me fall in love w him. The truth was that my husbands mother actually mostly cared for my ss most of the time. (my dh works pipeline construction and is out of town A LOT) so my mom in law would take care of ss for months at a time. Bm hasn't ever really had ss since they split when ss was 1 1/2 yrs old.
I entered this relationship feeling really bad for this poor lil boy w no mom and a dad working all the time. I had always loved kids and they loved me. I wanted to give my ss the best family and life I had always dreamed of for my children.
There were some struggles for attention at first but I expected that. I was patient. And loving. Treated him like he was my own. But he never really accepted me. He hasn't ever nor does he now want a relationship w his bm. So it wasnt that I was taking her place but more like he was losing his dad to me. But he wasn't. Honestly. I was really cool and understanding and sympathetic about his situation.
Well I just kept trying and let my husband handle all the discipline and rules, basically anything regarding ss. It was a real struggle for me to love someone who constantly rejected me but I never stopped trying. My dh got a new job where he wouldn't have to travel and we could create a happy home together.
Since then my dh and I have had 2 kids together. A girl, 4 and a boy, 2. And after my son was born my dh was forced to go back to working out of town for financial reasons. Now I feel like a single mom with no help. If it was just our two youngest kids I think I'd be fine with our situation. But my ss makes it so hard.
He is 10 yrs old now and in 4th grade but acts more immature than my 4 yr old. He was diagnosed ADHD when he was 7 and put on medication. And that truly did wonders for him at school. But it hasn't helped his attitude. My ss acts like he is the only thing that matters in this whole world, let alone our home. He is never satisfied with anything! Not his dinner, his room, his toys, his everything. No matter what, he is complaining. And he usually has it better than the other kids! He has his own room, they have to share. He is older and therefore has more privileges and extra curriculars. And he is basically feels like he's always getting the short end of the stick, no matter the situation.
Recently, he has stopped listening to me all together. He talks back to everything I say. He just plainly refuses to do things right. Like lift the toilet seat, pick up after himself, take the dog out, eat his meals, do his homework, etc. And beyond that he is constantly picking on my two loving children who think the world of him. I don't trust him alone with them anymore. And he doesn't respect anyone. Least of all, me.
This is just so hard. I did not know what I was getting into when I chose to be with a man who already had a child. And it's been over 6 years and it's not getting any better. My dh thinks it's mostly my fault because I'm too hard on him. However he seems to forget that as soon as he gets to come home for a night that it's only a matter of minutes before he's aggravated with his son's behavior. Or that he wants me to make him a dr's appt to get his Rx for Xanax refilled once he gets laid off and will be home for a while.
I guess the bottom line is that my ss is driving me crazy. He's making my life miserable. I feel like a bad mother to him as well as my other kids recently due to all of my frustration and yelling and just negative feelings. I don't know how to reach this kid. And my dh can't be home more right now. We try to see him on sat and sun when we can but he's working 3 hrs away and been working a lot of 7 day weeks. His bm is in his life a little but not consistently. She never has been and I know that has a lot to do w a lot of his problems. I've always tried to encourage more of a relationship between them but neither one really seems that interested. She lives 3 hrs away and has 2 more kids now that she does take care of. And to my ss, well his dad is the only one that has ever mattered to him. Even though I'm the one that played w him, read to him, bathed him, threw his bday parties, went to every school function, etc. I don't know why I wrote that in past tense bc I still am the one continuing to do all those things, except bathe him : )
I just want a happy home. I want all of my kids to be happy. And I want to be happy.
Thanks for listening. Any advice will be gladly appreciated!