Do You Find Yourself With A Grin On Your Face When SKids Get In Trouble?
This maybe be wrong, but when my SO's daughter gets in trouble... I do find myself saying "YESSS" }:) This is only because she is such a brat. She's 3 years old. She cant say ANYTHING AT ALL without whining or crying. She's very sneaky, for example yesterday she was told by SO to not touch his cell phone 2 times. What does she do? She sneaks up while SO is watching TV and takes the phone. Goes to a corner behind the couch and starts messing with the phone. Oh this was my opportunity to get her in trouble because she's such a brat! And I did! 95% of the time she is with us, she is either being yelled at or grounded. She may be only 3, but I know a lot of 3 year olds who do not act that way. Luckily his son who is 5 loves me, so he behaves pretty well. But geesh... this lil' girl... ugh!!
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Maybe so needs to change his
Maybe so needs to change his parenting techniques to find something that'll work much better, ie. taking away tv privileges for the night, or taking away a privilege that she cares about for the night. It doesn't sound like his current methods are working.
Well, we send her to her room
Well, we send her to her room when she gets in trouble without watching TV or a movie. But, now something I'm starting to realize is... there's toys in her room, so of course sending her to her room isn't going to be a bad thing. Sometimes when they do get in trouble and are sent to their room, they just go to bed and sleep. I don't think that's teaching them anything. I'm thinking of talking to SO and just sending her to a corner and not having her move for a certain amount of time to see if this works.
We've tried to be patient
We've tried to be patient with her and be a lot nicer with her, to try and get her to listen, but she just doesn't. When they are with BM, they can do almost anything and not get in trouble. She lets them go crazy. So when they are here, they think that's ok. It has gotten to a point where SO and I are just tired of it. There was a point where SS5 didn't love me like he does now. But I still punished him when it had to be done, as well as SO. So, it's not like I'm favoriting him over SD3. It's just her behavior.
it is nice to see a brat to
it is nice to see a brat to get caught and have consequences for being a brat. i waited and waited for that moment with sd19, but fdh doesn't know how to do anything but tell her yes all the time, so it never came. now that she is an adult monster, he can't stand what he created. good for your dh for getting on sd now instead of doing nothing and wondering why she's an ass in 15 years.
We actually did that with SS5
We actually did that with SS5 about 6 months ago. Apparently it did some good because his behavior is way better than it used to be. But SO doesn't like being like that with his daughter because she's his little girl. He sometimes tells her no she cant have something because she HAS been bad, but then goes and gives it to her without following through. That's not doing her any good!
She's 3 and he's 5. They
She's 3 and he's 5. They aren't going to behave the same way because they are in different stages of development.
Dad needs a parenting class.
Being happy when a 3 year old gets punished is sad.
Yelling at a 3 year old all
Yelling at a 3 year old all the time is not an effective method. And 3 year olds suppose to test their boundries; that is natural, I don't see that as being a brat. I can see be happy if an older child gets in trouble, but I feel bad for this three year old.
I don't think it is
I don't think it is immaturity when we have tried to be nice and/or punishing her. What should I do then? BM isn't doing anything about it. Trust me, all I want is for her to be good. I don't like our weekends being ruined because she doesn't know how to behave when we're out together or anywhere for that matter. Give me advice and tell me what else I can do.
She's 3, how would you like
She's 3, how would you like her to behave? Sit still with her hands folded? You're living in a dream world. If that's how you want her to behave, its not gonna happen. If it's too much for you and SO to handle her outside the house, stay home.
so what if she giggled inside
so what if she giggled inside over it! that's a far cry from jumping up and down, pointing and sing songing "hahahahahaha! YOU got in trouble!!!!" you are making more out of this than what it really is.
Exactly! It's not like I'm
Exactly! It's not like I'm jumping out of joy in SO's face when she gets in trouble. And it's not like it happens all the time. But sometimes SO is really clueless about stuff and when he realizes it, that's when I grin about it.
i have a niece who is almost
i have a niece who is almost 5 and she has been a horror since she was about 18 months, so i get it completely. my niece is a damn brat and she knows exactly what she's doing when she does it. she gets such an evil look on her face, kids aren't anywhere near as naive as so many people think they are, even the little ones!
She shouldn't be yelled out
She shouldn't be yelled out or grounded at 3.
Losing a toy, a time out, an immediate not going somewhere she was supposed to works. Yelling is a sign of an out of control parent and seriously- grounded at 3?! That just defies common sense.
But yeah, it's bad of you to be amused. She's 3. She's still learning and testing boundaries and if they are not firm, she will take advantage of them.
And SO should not be so wrapped up in tv daughter has a chance to "sneak" anything. Parent, actively!, at this age and most problems go away.
ETA: If you guys need a step by step program for the "right" way to do timeout- google "1,2,3 magic"
We're not yelling at the
We're not yelling at the first sign she's bad. It is SO who yells at her. We do talk to them first, tell them what they did wrong and why they are getting in trouble. But when the action is being repeated 3 times one after the other constantly every weekend even after saying why it's wrong etc, It gets old to me. I have a step mother and I know what it feels like to have two families. But I never acted this way. Now my brother, that's a different story.
Really, yelling should be the
Really, yelling should be the LAST resort. I really suggest looking into 1,2,3 magic. It has worked wonders for terrors I know.
Also, what discipline does mom use?At 3 it can be confusing if the tactics aren't the same.
But some of the repeating never gets old- I have to repeat myself to ss13 often and even to DH on occasion :P.
As I said in a reply to
As I said in a reply to someone else. BM doesn't really discipline these kids. Which is why I think she acts up when she is here. She also goes to day care 5 days a week, so she's not with mom or us all the time. So she only has a full parent 2 days out of the week. SO is starting to yell at her because it IS the last resort. Some people are acting as if we beat these kids, and we're far from that. We would never do that. We don't even spank.
Personally I think yelling,
Personally I think yelling, especially frequently is just as bad as spanking and can be worse in a lot of situations.
I'd really urge you guys to look into 1,2,3 magic. But consistency will be key. She also is still at an age where people need to be on the floor playing with her, interacting, etc.
totally agreed, also, just
totally agreed, also, just wondering, did you or SO leave phone out where she can reach it so she would get in trouble? If you or SO doesn't want her to touch something, a little common sense would be to put it out of her reach.
I don't know where he left
I don't know where he left the phone because I was in another room. All I heard was her voice behind the couch, and I asked SO why she was hiding behind the couch. He says "Well maybe she's playing hide and seek". So he goes over there and sees her playing on the phone (which kind of confirmed my suspicion since she has done this before).
I agree with those who say so
I agree with those who say so needs a parenting class. You probably have tried everything, but it still couldn't hurt. Maybe you could go too. They have helped a lot of people and families.
I will definitely look into
I will definitely look into it then.
I thought when I read the
I thought when I read the title you would be talking about a teenager or even an 8 year old, or a child older then 3. She's 3, she's a BABY and your 5 year old, he's a baby too. How much trouble can a 3 and 5 year old really get into? Time to start changing your and SO routine. Maybe the child is bored, does she have any toys to play with? Maybe if she wants to play with SO cell phone, like all kids do, he can go out and buy her a toy one that makes noises when buttons are pressed, you can get those at any dollar store. The fact that this 3 year old is always getting in trouble, especially because YOU get her in trouble is very unsettling to me. What are you going to do when she gets older? Honestly, I don't think you or SO is mature enough to handle this type of situation and it is in the best interest of this little girl to be with either her mother or someone else who is wiser, mature and LOVING. You and SO are DAMAGING this child's psyche. I also think you and SO need to go for parenting classes and therapy, too bad it isn't court ordered because it defiantly sounds as though children should not be placed in your care. I feel sorry for these babies that have you both for parents. Just because you can conceive DOESN'T mean you should.
I did not conceive these
I did not conceive these kids, and trust me their mother doesn't care. She smokes while inside the house with her kids and in the car. They always come back sick from her house and I'm the one always paying for medicine for them to get better but she doesn't follow up on it when they go back. Let me repeat to you, the 5 year old does not get in trouble. He is a good boy and does listen. He's the type of child that when you talk to him he will listen and try and understand why he got in trouble. She has a room full of toys to play with, so that's not an issue.
How old are you?
How old are you?
24... BM is 29.
24... BM is 29.
I feel exactly the same bowt
I feel exactly the same bowt my ss, he's 10 tho and should know better; my 2 year old literally behaves better and throws less temper tantrums! My ss gets away with so much as he's a sneaky git and does stuff when only I'm there so he can try and play me off against his dad. The only prob is his dad usually believes him and says I have it in for him! Men are so stupid and blind to what kids can do and just how manipulative they can be. So enjoy your small victories where we can, we deserve them for all the hell we go through x
I definitely understand. But
I definitely understand. But the difference her BM doesn't discipline. So, she leaves us with all this to deal with, and unfortunately SD3 doesn't know what's right or wrong.
You keep blaming mom. If mom
You keep blaming mom.
If mom is so, bad how did the 5 year old turn out so good?
Just as children learn
Just as children learn differences in rules with school vs. home, daycare vs. school or Home vs. daycare; they can learn difference between moms house and dads house. It is not moms fault that dad isn't being effective in his discipline. Consistency is key. At one point, you asked why the three year old was behind the couch and dad responded something to the effect of "She's probably playing hide and seek". You shouldn't have had to ask, when the three year old went behind the couch, dad should have checked. Toddlers need constand direction and correction. They crave it. What they don't need is to be grounded or yelled at. I promise you, that 3 year old does NOT understand what's happeneing when she is told she is grounded or she's being yelled at. Her young brain can not process that. She's most likely confused and wondering why people are mad at her. The ;ast thing you want is for her to draw into herself because she's afraid stepping sideways will make someone yell.