You took your anger out on the wrong person. Your cheating husband deserved that email. It is very possible she didn't know he was married and told you when she found out. The only person that owes you anything is your husband. He didn't even have the decency to tell you the truth when confronted.
Think long and hard about how you want the rest of your life to be. It's likely not a one time occurrence.

He has no answers? Oh my, I am so very sorry for you. Sorry, but that is a deal breaker for me. You might have put all this God into your marriage, but he obviously didn't. In addition, you take care of his kid? No way.

If you stay with him, DO NOT sleep with him...until he gets a freaking VD test done. Do NOT put your life or health in jeopardy because he couldn't keep his pants zipped. Sorry to be so blunt, but you have to think of you and ONLY you right now. He needs to come up with some answers, none of which can include "because you..." Otherwise, he isn't really sorry and will do it again.

I don't know what else to tell you. I can't imagine what is going through you right now. I am disgusted you slept on the couch while the ahole slept warmly in his bed. Just disgusted.

My amazing bride and I will celebrate our 18th anniversary this coming August. As far as possibly losing the relationship that you have with your Skid, I completely understand your concerns and feelings.

As for worrying and feeling guilty about booting your morally bankrupt and characterless husband, that I do not understand at all. Kick his slimy ass out!

I was married to my XW for 2.5 years. We married when I was 23 and she was 20 and she ran off with her geriatric fortune 500 executive sugar daddy when I was 26. I felt much the same as you do regarding divorce and the sanctity of marriage. I still do. Though now I do not sacrifice myself and my happiness to an untenable situation.

In hind sight I was young, naive and had lost touch with the confident, attractive and very capable young man that I was when I first met my XW. When she first indicated that she was unhappy in the marriage I pushed for counseling, I upped my demonstrable commitment to her, etc, etc, etc.... Frankly I was an idiot.

When she approached me a few months after graduating from college (that I supported her through and wrote all of her papers for) to tell me she was unhappy I had had enough and told her to go file. What I should have done was changed the locks the first time she indicated that she was through. She did not have the character to actually tell me she was cheating. That I found out later from a variety of several sources.

She manipulated our marriage in an effort to try to get out of it while saving face and keeping her road whoreing ways a secret. Much as your DH is doing.

She went on to spawn 2 out-of-wedlock crotch droppings and one legitimate spawn with her geriatric adulterous sugar daddy. I saw her about 12 years after our divorce. She was out with her family for dinner. I was at a business dinner with colleagues and clients. She looked like she had been rode hard and put up wet. She looked unhappy, she spent the entire meal scowling and bitching at her now extremely aged 2nd husband and their spawn. They all looked miserable. It was truly sad. She had been a beautiful, energetic and intelligent young woman when we met and had turned in to a bitter and unhappy woman by the time I saw her again after our divorce. She did not see me at the restaurant. If she had, who knows how it would have gone. I am glad I did not have to find out.

I on the other hand went on to meet an amazing young woman, to build an amazing family with her and to have a great life with her.

My XW was just an unfortunate speed bump in my path to a truly happy and rewarding life, marriage, family and career.

Do not burden yourself with your current marriage. Commit to yourself and move on to an amazing life. Make that commitment to yourself and you will have an amazing life. Make that commitment and you will have every likelyhood of making an amazing life and someday it will be with a man who worships you as you should be worshipped as the dynamic and beautiful young woman that you are.

My beautiful wife is no longer the 18yo single teen mom college student that she was when we married. She is an amazing, accomplished and confident woman who has given me the honor of being her husband, being my wife and allowing me to raise her then 1yo son as my own.
She has a few greys, a few smile lines but she if even more beautiful than she was when she was 18. I helped put those smile lines on her face and a few of those grey hairs on he head but each one corresponds to an amazing memory.

Unlike my XW who had a roadmap of pain and misery on her face the last time I saw her.
Though my first marriage and subsequent divorce with my adulterous first wife was sad, it does not cloud my happiness now.

Don't let your adulterous husband cloud your happiness as you embrace your future.
My XW and I would have had our 24th anniversary this year. The thought of what I would have had to endure in order to be married to her for 21.5yrs longer than I suffered through makes me shudder and cringe. Even if I could have accepted her infidelity and stayed in the marriage. I am more valuable than to waste my life on a person so devoid of character and human worth.

I am glad I did not.

Good luck and be good to you.

All IMHO of course.

If I were dating a man who lied about being married, I would inform him wife as well.

If he lied to his wife, why would he be honest with the other woman?

If he gets away with cheating once, chances are he'll do it again.

To the point of taking the vows. Disclaimer: I'm Catholic, so that's where my head is at. Ok, about the vows: IMHO (as per the rules of my church). You AND he made the vows, HE broke them, so it really doesn't matter anymore. If two people are needed to hold up a wall and one lets go and the wall collapses, it's done. Do you follow me? So think it through carefully, pray, and definetly talk to your pastor. But if you decide to leave, please don't feel guilty in a biblical/ vows before God sense, because HE broke the vows- you didn't.

I cheated on my ex husband and frankly would probably cheat on this one. let me say this to you, this is his flaw not yours. it is not because you gained weight, or didnt have sex enough or any other crazy reason that you have thought. Sadly it very likely has very little to do with anything that you have done and more about how she made him feel about himself. Its not you honey I speak from experience.

I cheated.

We got past it.

Here's how:

I made the decision to make the marriage work. I deleted all contact info, I abandoned an email address, I changed my phone number. (This was pre-Facebook days) I gave my husband all of my passwords, and invited him to go through everything AT ANY TIME. I made sure he knew where I was at all times. If I was away from home, I called him frequently. I made it impossible for me to spend ANY time with anyone one-on-one; if I was away from home, he knew who I was going out with and when I would be back - and I called as soon as I got back. I proved, through my actions, that I wanted to be with him.

It took close to four years for him to recover, and I wonder if he has, sometimes.

Why did I do it? I was horribly insecure. I craved attention. I hated myself. I didn't think I was good enough to be in this marriage. We got married very fast for the wrong reasons, and I cheated at the 13-month mark, less than a year and a half after we had met. I didn't expect it to last.

After I made the decision to stay, I started liking myself more, the more I worked on myself. Now, I think I deserve better than to be a cheater. I like myself too much to do that again. At this point, we're in counseling, but it's not to do with the cheating - or rather, it's DH's *financial* infidelity that drove us to this point.

Good luck, whatever you decide.