How do you say "your turn!" to your SO?
I was having a REALLY rough night last night. I picked up my 2 kids, then FSS. Made it home for homework and snack then to karate class. It is a miracle they made it there alive because they were all 3 awful last night and just feeding off one another! I called SO who is working late and asked him to start dinner when he got home because I didn't have a chance. He said ok.
When we got home (after FSS being kicked out of class again, this time for farting in another kids face), SO still wasn't there! I made dinner and got the bath line up going. When SO got home all I wanted to do was 5 five him and say tag you're it!! Instead, since he was exhausted I just kept moving and got them in bed. Made a plate for SO and then a large glass of wine for myself.
It just seems like this keeps happening a lot. I could handle my 2 on my own but adding a 3rd with behavior problems is just often overwhelming and I need a night where I am not the one doing it all. We rarely have anytime without FSS and I just want SO to have everything on his shoulders every once in a while. Is that evil??
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I guess my problem is that I
I guess my problem is that I have to take care of his son all the time, but I feel guilty when I ask him to do something for my kids...
<<<>>> I am feeling a little
<<<>>>
I am feeling a little taken advantage these days. I now work from home which means after school care ended for the kids, ALL of the kids. I too can handle my two on my own without a thought but now I have 4 kids here, 4 days a week from 3pm until DH finally gets home from work. I make dinners alone, I get up in the morning and make breakfast and lunches as well.
I am pretty sure I birthed only 2 children not 4 - so how am I now in charge of 4 by myself???
Maybe its my mistake but I never leave my 2 girls with DH - sure I could, but I don't. If I can't make a pickup, I call their BF first - not DH, why? BECAUSE to me its his responsibility as they are XHs kids, DH is bonus only.
I am now somehow a single mom of 4.
Its so nice DH can walk in at 630\7pm, sit down to his ready made meal, pat each kid on the head and in 90 mins they are in bed then wonder why I am a little pissy. Well DH, I worked JUST LIKE YOU today, picked up YOUR kid from the school BM moved him to against our will, made snacks, tried to get some more work done, made dinner alone for 6 people, listened to the kids bicker and constantly whine, cleaned up breakfast dishes to be ready for dinner. Then he wants to know why I didn't do homework with SS6 - well DH let me tell you... because he can't do anything alone, and I don't have an hour to sit specifically with him and argue because he knows more than I do apparently - that is YOUR job - you can argue with him for an hour and complete 1 sheet of homework - its the least you can do.
I really don't understand why BM and DH don't take care of their own kids. I spend more 'forced' time with their kids than they do and I say that is really unfair. I am very tired of it. If DH can't be here, then BM should get them after school until he can pick them up. I don't drop my girls with their father if he isn't going to be there. Sure if the SM wants to pick them up 30 mins earlier fine, but otherwise I take care of my own kids. They aren't the SMs responsibility in my eyes - so its so nice that BM hates my guts but would rather leave her kids with me than look after them herself.
Rant over, sorry.
I have this same problem. Me
I have this same problem. Me doing it all is the default. He never just pitches in (even though two of the three kids are his alone, and we share the third). I can get him to help with individual tasks sometimes but he never just does what needs to be done.
We have different days off. So my days off are filled with cleaning, dishes, wash, errands, and taking the kids here and there. His days off are mid week, so all the kids are in school. He never picks up or cleans, and will run a load of dishes about 50% if the time if I ask and remind him.
Even on the days where I work, and he's home, I am still the one making dinner, cleaning up the kitchen and dealing with the kids.
I wish I had an answer for you.... Cause is really like a full partner too.
don't feel guilty if he is
don't feel guilty if he is expecting you to do things for his then you have every right to expect he will help you with yours...it goes both ways.
If you ladies find the answer
If you ladies find the answer to getting these guys to step up, please pm me!
I'm going through other rough patches, but prior to that I have said (and firmly believe) I do not have a crappy marriage, but I do have crappy parts... This is one of them.
That's how I feel. Our
That's how I feel. Our relationship is great and I am happy... just overwhelmed with aspects of this combined household. It was different when it was just me and my kids. And my first husband was NEVER home so I was used to being a single mom even when I was married. I guess I was just hoping this area of my life would be somehow easier with 2 adults that are home...
Excellent! Yes, it's
Excellent! Yes, it's important to find time for oneself.
Hell, I've been known to grab a coke and go sit in my car somewhere, just for some peace and quiet. Nothing wrong with that!
When we discussed getting
When we discussed getting married, I had one condition: I am not doing everything.
My mom worked herself into an early grave and my dad never, ever helped her that I know of. Not me sister!!!!
I remind DH of this on a regular basis. It's not too late for you to establish the same rule!!
Say it with me, out loud: I Am Not Doing Everything!!!!!!!