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Sure I'll watch your kid, and his kid, and his kid...

StarStuff's picture

Submitted by StarStuff on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 9:14am

I've noticed a pattern lately. I do a lot of things for SD, and that is fine since her BM is wherever she is doing whatever she does. However, lately whenever FDH has friends over and those friends bring children, guess who ends up watching the kids b/c the guys run to go get beer, to the store, to smoke a cig? I'm sure you all know the answer. Me. I'm sick and tired of being the default babysitter!

I don't have any bio kids of my own so why the hell do I end up entertaining everyone else's when they're trying to hang out and not deal with their kids?! Is it because I'm a woman and am therefore "motherly"? Newsflash: My womb is empty, has always been empty, and will remain so for years to come!

Take your own damn kids to the store with you! Hell, I know why they don't want to; taking small kids out and about can be a slow and annoying process, but I ain't their momma! Granted, sometimes I am feeling benevolent and don't mind, but at other times I feel taken advantage of. Guess I'll have to put my big girl panties on and have a chat with FDH.

Comments

overworkedmom's picture

Submitted by overworkedmom on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 9:17am

Yep... you are the woman so you are stuck. From now on if you don't want to watch other peoples kids you need to go to the store, to get a drink, or whatever by yourself when ever other kids show up. They might figure it out eventually that you don't want to watch the kids but more than likely they will just start going somewhere else where another sucker will watch the kids...

goaway's picture

Submitted by goaway on Mon, 05/07/2012 - 9:54am

Yeah maybe you should go get the beer and while you're out there just stop by a massage place, get your nails done and after 2 hrs or so they'll get the picture that you just up and left and they will be stuck with all the kids LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

StarStuff's picture

Submitted by StarStuff on Mon, 05/07/2012 - 12:07pm

Sounds good, lol! Then I'll come back feeling all pleasant and pretend not to understand why they're mad at me. "Oh, but I was just gone for a minute..."

StarStuff's picture

Submitted by StarStuff on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 9:24am

What I hate the most is when I take my afternoon nap (I have to be at work at 5am), SD is playing next door with her friend. FDH will leave the house to go hang out with friends. Hell, I don't know he's gone, and when I wake up, I'm alone with SD and have no idea where FDH is and when he's coming back (phone currently out of commission). We had a huge blow-up over that one last week. I told him if he wants to go hang out while I'm napping, fine, but take SD with you and leave me a note. He doesn't get a free pass b/c I'm sleeping.

StarStuff's picture

Submitted by StarStuff on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 9:26am

I don't think he is on purpose, b/c he's generally really sweet and understands my frustrations. This scenario has happened twice in the past 3 days though, so it's on my mind.

LilyBelle's picture

Submitted by LilyBelle on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 9:37am

Have a private conversation with DH. Something like this:

I love you, and I don't mind supporting you with your child from time to time, especially because I know you love and respect me. However, I am not willing to be available to babysit your friend's kids. If you guys need a babysitter, you can find one at sitter.com.

Then, don't be available. And if somehow, you get stuck, like they leave without telling you, and you aren't going to leave kids unsupervised alone, charge the going rate for private babysitters in your area... which in my area is $10-12 an hour.

worried_stepmother's picture

Submitted by worried_stepmother on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 10:13am

my DH used to do that to me. I didn't think he purposely did it but when it kept happening more and more I had to stop it. I told my DH that he I am with our kids (2 bio) 24/7 and when SS is here EOWKEN I am left with him too and then whatever kid shows up too. I pointed out that I am not even asked if I am planning on doing anything or if I even mind watching all these kids (that are not my bio kids) and that the weekends are his visitation with his son not my visitation with SS. Needless to say now I am asked EVERY time that DH wants to do something if he needs to take SS or can he leave him. I mostly make him take him since I babysat free of charge for 2 years and since I am having problems with SS listening to me. Good luck though. Hope whatever you choose to do works for you.

worried_stepmother's picture

Submitted by worried_stepmother on Fri, 04/27/2012 - 10:41am

if you only knew how true it really was. LOL the BM in my situation is is really the SPAWN OF SATAN himself. She is mean, manipulative, money hungry, and worse of all bad mouths me,dh, and our bio kids in front of DH's mother/sister/brother/stepdad and SS6 so we are the "bad guys" no matter what we say or do.