Who won the "game"?
My last blog yesterday was celebrating the fact that my SO, his son20, and daughter16 were moving out of my house and into an apartment. Yes, SO and I are going to continue to see each other and we are still engaged. Funny thing though, when I got home yesterday sis had stayed home from school because, in her text to her dad, "I just don't think I can make it through a whole day of school. I feel horrible! :(" I wasn't aware that she had stayed home until I spoke with SO after school. After sending one text message to her asking her exactly what all was hurting, throat, sinuses, stuffy nose, drainage, I received a response back that she's stuffy and has drainage. I asked her what she had taken for it today and didn't get a response. After asking her three times and her dad texting her a couple of times, she STILL didn't respond. I was actually going to stop by a store to get some medicine for her, but got nothing from her.
Upon my arrival at the house, I open the front door only to hear her laughter with her friend Baylee upstairs in sis's bedroom. Guess when I received a response to my texts? Not even a minute after she saw me come home! Now this is a girl who, like most teenagers, keeps her iPhone attached to her hip! Her reply was,"Sorry! Just saw your text!" BULL! But that's ok. I just didn't worry about her illness and would let her dad handle it when he got home.
The funny part about this whole mess is that his kids have treated this whole situation like it was a game to see who would win their dad. The decision for them to move out was made by the three of them. I don't know any of the details as far as what was discussed, moreover what I was accused of during their conversation. When I informed SO on Thursday that I felt like the only solution was for them to move into an apartment (his suggestion when my son left to go live with his dad)I was met with a solution of building two walls to turn the dining room into another bedroom. He also said that bs20 could move into an apartment. I thought that was the solution we had agreed on. The next thing I know, they are moving out. I know this is the only solution, but can't help but feel like sis and her brother have told lies about me to their dad. Last night the two of them were chasing eachother all over my house laughing and screaming. A 16 year old girl and her 20 year old brother chasing eachother around the house? SO even yelled for them to knock it off.
I've never treated his children with anything but respect and tried to help them. This is what I get in return? Obviously, sis still controls dad AND our relationship. They told their dad that they didn't want he and I to break up because they knew how much he loves me. When SO and I started dating, his kids told me that they loved having me around because I kept their dad distracted! Shortly after that, they moved in with me because sis was sneaking out her window at 3:00a.m. and putting herself in a lot of danger. She was 14!! So I'm guessing they are excited about moving because they can go back to their old ways. Sis has even told me a couple of times that I know too much. What she means is that I can read her like a book and she didn't like that. I have TRIED to influence them to be better people than the manipulating kids I'd seen. I've just never seen a brother and sister who stick together like glue the way they do. If sis starts trying to be a better person, bro is right there to pull her back into being defiant and vindictive. I just hope SO and I can maintain our relationship after they move out. We both want to, but I'm not too sure sis is going to let that happen. I've listened to them several times tell what horrible things they would do to -----. So and so just got her car painted, we're going to go spray paint w---- on it! I've never seen two more vindictive people than them.
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They sound like to of my
They sound like to of my skids. They were terrors, sneaking out, stealing, drugs, etc, all the while sticking up and covering for each other. Luckily, those two left of their own accord. If they had not, I would have probably moved out.
Mine are moving out, but with
Mine are moving out, but with dad in tow. I just can't help but feel like the other shoe is about to drop. SO has been sick with sinus and allergy problems for the last week. I feel like there is a distance between us now. I told him that this morning. He says it's just because he isn't feeling well. Yes, he did feel like he was running a fever this morning, but I still can't get that feeling out of my gut!
His children have won. He's
His children have won. He's decided to give them what they want rather than step up and parent them.
I'm curious to see exactly
I'm curious to see exactly how "happy" his kids will be once they are in an apartment. If memory serves me correctly, and I believe it does, there was much less "Daddeee" and "Yes, baby" going on the two of them. He stayed irritated with both of them and constantly had to yell at them for not doing their chores (washing the dishes and laundry). And another thing that just dawned on me, SO will have to start doing HIS laundry too! No more washing his work clothes from me. Sis can do all of that!
Honestly, sounds like its a
Honestly, sounds like its a win-win-lose
You will gain sanity and peace.
The skids will get what they want - Dadee.
Your SO will lose bigtime. He is the biggest loser in it all - and all by his own choice. He has lost his partner who was in many ways willing to put up with a lot if he would have tried to help the situation. He gained his kids full time (lose) which is going to end up not being so fun. His kids will eventually leave and you may or may not be around which could leave him alone and lonely.
Your gut feeling may be right, there may be some distance. He is moving out - that is tough in a relationship no matter what. I guess you have to wait and see where it goes from here - what you plan and what really happens may workout or may go a totally different way good or bad.
You are exactly right. Those
You are exactly right. Those were his exact words! "My kids get out of your house and will be happy, your boys will come back home and you and they will be happy. The one person who is losing in this is ME! No one (his kids) cares that I don't want to go to bed without you every night." Those were his words exactly. His kids claim that they don't get to spend enough time with him. Well what happened the following weekend when he was home the whole time? Sis and son had somewhere they had to be ALL WEEKEND. When sis got home Sunday night the first words she said to her dad were,"Daddy, I love you! I missed you so much!" as she's crawled in bed with us. Next comment? "Can you take me driving to learn how to drive your stick shift (car) now?" See what I mean by manipulative?
dgb - ultimately you know
dgb - ultimately you know there is such a thing as being *too* nice, respectful to individuals who dont reciprocate. Particularly in your own home.
Your skids sound like they are this way because daddykins isnt firm enough, he doesnt expect high standards from them and actually I thought it horrendous that he wasnt that bothered by the fact your own children had been chased out of their home with you by HIS children. Ok, so your kids and his are at the stage where they are either adults or nearly there however as your partner he should be instilling consideration into them for your home, your feelings. While they may have moved into your house and it has become their home too, ultimately your own it and your bf should be on top of any disrespect or selfishness MORE because they were invited to make a home with you. That is when things have a better chance of succeeding.
So while yes your bf will be losing out, whose damn fault is it? HIS. He had PLENTY of opportunity to tell them to knock it off, to put in place consequences to ensure that you and your boys were comfortable and to hopefully instill healthy behaviour in his kids, but he didnt. Epic fail on his part. I have little sympathy then for his boo hooing over this subsequent outcome. His kids rule him and he lets them, they succeeded in ruling your home too to your own personal detriment. I would be peed off big time.
I appreciate you dont want to lose him and perhaps there is a distance there now, because maybe your bf is so used to blaming everyone for negative outcomes over himself and his kids. Perhaps thats what is going on, along with the fact you didnt plead with him to stay. Hell why would you?
Yes, I can see your point that his kids have "won" this round, but I think its for the best for your own sake and I genuinely think YOU are the winner here. Inheriting nightmare skids who destroy your life in order to be with someone is just not worth it. Its not worth losing your kids over, your home, your happiness, your peace of mind. I would be super positive about them moving out, brightly telling them how wonderful it will be for them. Like hell would I hide the fact I thought it was the right thing, as I wouldnt allow the skids to think you enjoyed living with them and that you are opposed to this move. They may have instigated this but who allowed this debacle to happen? Your bf. HE is the one to blame imo and I wouldnt be holding back in what I thought on this either! JIMPO.
Believe me, I definitely know
Believe me, I definitely know I am the winner here. As far as how I act around his kids now that they're moving, I have continued to be detatched from them. There is no eye contact, no inquiring about their day, life, future, nothing. Even when they try to act nice in front of dad and ask me if I want anything from the gas station, restaurant, whatever, I just politely say, "No, but thanks for asking.". I don't even look at them or acknowledge their presence in the room. I'm not rude, I just refuse to give them any control over how I respond or behave in front of their dad. I'm not about to be fake and act like they're just the most considerate children in the world. I refuse to play their game. Yes, their dad is to blame for not making them be respectful of everyone in the house. His kids play on his guilt for not having their mom in their lives. Sis hasn't seen mom since she was 2, and brother since he was 6. It's just been the three of them for 14 years. So, they pull the woe is me card at every opportunity. Son almost died when he was five from some stomach complications, so he's got a free pass from dad for the rest of his life. Give me a break! He's not doing them any favors by bailing them out of EVERY situation they get themselves in to.