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I could really use a little advice!

Unbreakable's picture

Submitted by Unbreakable on Tue, 05/29/2012 - 1:35pm

So as I've stated in a few older post my SD14 moved back with BM about 6wks ago after living with us for 4yrs. Pretty much the entire 4yrs all SD talked about was moving back with BM. Every other week they were moving to a different state or a different county. Well the time finally came and she moved into an apartment with her BM and 4 other siblings (not DH's kids). She came over this weekend (I think just to ruin my 3day weekend), and I had a few bags for her to go through. I am now 34wks pregnant and I have to make room for baby (we have an BS8 & BD3), so I really want all of her belongings gone. After all she made a choice to leave (HALLELUJAH!!) so she must take her things with her. She refused to go through the clothes all weekend until last night I finally turned the tv off and told her to go through the clothes before I put my 3yr old (who she shared the room with) to bed. She did so but left the clothes she wanted all over the bed and floor which was another lecture.

I asked DH whether she was leaving for school from our home, he said yes. Then added, but she's planning on coming here afterwards......WHY? She wanted so badly to be with her mom and now she has that chance, and why can't DH see that I need that space for our new baby. Of course the baby will be in our room for a little while, but I can use the closet space for our baby's clothes which is all gathered still in gift bags in our living room area. My question is how do I get my husband to understand that SD can not live in limbo. She must make a choice. I persoanlly do not think it's fair for her to have her own space at our home, and at her BM's home when we can use that space to accommodate our growing family.

I understand that DH wants her to know that she is always welcome, but for Gods sake she made the choice to leave. I honestly think she may be lingering around just to annoy me....ok maybe she's not but that's how I feel. I'm so tired of this whole situation, and DH is very excited about the new baby, but just wants to allow SD to do whatever SHE wants. He allows her to make the decisions because he don't want her feel like he's pushing her away and I'm over it!

Comments

Still Have Hope's picture

Submitted by Still Have Hope on Tue, 05/29/2012 - 1:48pm

I would put her clothes in garbage bags in the garage. You have a baby to get ready for. SD would not get to decide the timetable. She is gone the space is not longer hers.
I would not bring the subject up unless asked. Then a simple "I told her to get this done last weekend" is all you should say. DH should respect you enough to understand that SD doesn't get to run your home.

CAZ1215's picture

Submitted by CAZ1215 on Tue, 05/29/2012 - 2:57pm

You are the wife, the mother and the "woman of the home" and I feel that you should sit down with your husband and explain to him how you feel.
You cannot allow her to move in and out at her convenience. If she's going to stay, she will stay and follow the rules of your home. If she is going to leave, then she needs to stay at her mother's, bottom line. With a new one on the way, you have to "nest" or prepare and SD is postponing that...probably feeling jealousy of some kind. She is doing this to annoy you in my opinion, because she is needing that attention from Daddy before the new baby gets it all.

If you and your hubs have an open, honest relationship... tell him how you feel. You and baby to be do not need the annoyance, stress or hastle.