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O/T - In a hole

msc1120's picture

Submitted by msc1120 on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 2:08pm

I feel like I'm in a deep hole that I'm never going to get out of!! I was doing so good for a days but since about Sunday I've just been so freaking down and I'm tired of it, so very fucking tired of it. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of missing my husband and wanting him back. He's treated me like shit. This is not me!! You treat me like crap I'm done with you. I wish all these feelings would just stop. I don't know how much more I can take. I keep waiting for that magical moment when it's gone. I feel so pathetic because all I can think about is him and wishing all this was just a bad dream and thinking about all the things we will never get to do together. I know it's only been 2 weeks but I'm not a very patient person. I just want to not hurt anymore.

I sorry for being such a downer, but you guys on this site are the best and I really need to just get this shit out. My family all think I should be over this by now and oh how I wish I was. Somebody posted yesterday about roller coasters, I feel like I'm on a roller coaster trapped in a hurricane and I want to get off this ride!!

Comments

msc1120's picture

Submitted by msc1120 on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 2:36pm

Thank you bookish!! I'm just taking it one day at a time. I know I'll get through this is just doesn't feel like it right now lol.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 2:27pm

It's unreasonable for anyone to expect 2 weeks to be plenty of time to mourn a marriage lost.

It's unreasonable for anyone to dictate when you've had enough time or when you should "be over it".

I promise you it WILL get better. Life if hard. It's even harder when you're hauling a mean person alongside you. I do promise you it will get easier.

I posted about the rollercoaster. I do not like them. The hollow ache they put in my stomach...that's not my kind of fun. The magical moment you're waiting for will come as the reality of a new life ahead sinks in.

It's hard right now because you're used to life with your DH, but as you come to know life without him, you'll begin to see all of the possibilities that lie ahead of you.

Do you have friends you can spend some time with? Go out & do things you enjoy. I struggled with that because when I was with my exH, I wasn't "allowed" to have hobbies. I wasn't "allowed" to have friends. I had no idea what I enjoyed, so I just started dabbling in different things. I discovered I don't like reading unless I'm researching something of personal interest. I don't like novels. I don't have the patience for cross-stitch. I love being outside in any season but winter, but I hate hiking. I love photography. I love primitive crafts. I went to a movie by myself for the first time after I left my exH, & much to my surprise, it wasn't mortifying.

I promise this will get easier. Smile

msc1120's picture

Submitted by msc1120 on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 2:35pm

Thank you storm!! I was pretty sure it was you who posted that but I couldn't 100% remember. I think my biggest problem is that I'm living with my mom and stepdad right now and I think it's making me feel like I'm stuck or something. I don't know it's hard to describe. I love them both dearly and I am soooo thankful to them for being there for me through all this. I know I have to focus on me and do what's best for me and I'm sure with a little more time I'll be right as rain again. Thank you so much for your advice. Smile

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 3:27pm

You'll definitely be okay. I'm sure right now your pain is playing all sorts of tricks on you like it's not that bad (in comparison to what you're feeling now), and trying to rationalize all the reasons why it could have happened and how it could be prevented in the future.

But you know you will be stronger than whatever your pain and brain can throw at you right now. You need to get out there and do things, and take up your time. Cry when you need to, mourn when you need to, scream and rave and yell if you need to, but after they have passed, let it go and keep moving forward.

Best of luck.

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 3:40pm

Hey, try eharmony Smile Really... Smile My sister just finally dumped this loser guy she was dating off and on for more than two years. She was so upset. I kept telling her there were better men out there...she didn't believe me. One of her friends told her to go on eharmony and they all did as a joke, for fun...guess what? Just days later she can't figure out why she was ever with that other loser. She is having the time of her life meeting new people. Do it for you. Nobody deserves it more than you. No man who treats you that way deserves it.