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confused ....any ex-steps??

truebloodfreak's picture

Submitted by truebloodfreak on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 3:14pm

Me and my son's father are not together but were living together for 4 years and during that time I practically raised his kids because the BM is a deadbeat. (Read my blogs) since I see him M-F to drop the baby off I'm around his kids frequently. I don't know how they feel about me and the whole.situation because it is messy. They are 9 and 14. I just worry that they might treat my son differently because of me. I just wanted to know if there are any ex step-parents here that could give insight or advice. I'm attending counselling to deal with all the stress and anxiety I've been going through for the past couple months. I find it really helpful to connect with other step-parents or ex-steps because most people don't understand the complications of step families.

Comments

asheeha's picture

Submitted by asheeha on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 5:01pm

the reason i'm asking...if you have a decent working relationship then it would be good to continue to foster a good relationship with them.

i have a step mom and dad and they are very important to me. even if they had divorced my parent they would still be a very important person in my life.

i have a friend who remarried. they both had teenagers. his daughters could not stand their step mom, when the two divorced, his daughters began to love the ex step-mom even invited her to their wedding.

but if you don't have decent relationship with the dad it's best to let things settle a bit. maybe in time your relationship with them will be restored.

i'm sorry this is so hard. Sad

sonja's picture

Submitted by sonja on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 3:50pm

Ill always worry about this if my FDH and I dont make it. Id rather our BS not be around his SD, and they are still very young. Although without you in the picture its not like their life is 'back to normal' as I assume your ex didnt go back to the BM?..

In the end its not about them anymore (not that it ever was), but Id focus on making sure your own is happy, as well as yourself. This is definitely a tough situation.

Hanny's picture

Submitted by Hanny on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 4:12pm

I'm an ex-step. I have 5 step sons, and many step grandkids. I've remained friendly with my step sons and grandkids mainly because of my daughter, who is their half sister. Also, they all like me and were not upset when I divorced their father, they were all grown, my BD was 18. My ex (who is passed now) had no problems with me being friends with his family. In fact, my daughter and I used to babysit 2 of my grandkids all their lives whenever their parents would go out of the country or just out for a night/weekend. My ex would come over sometimes to visit the kids when I was there. There really weren't any hard feelings (at least on the surface). But he did have a GF for a while after he moved out of state, I don't know how she felt about it. My ex was 18 years older than me, so my step sons were a lot older than my daughter, in fact 3 of my grandkids went to HS with my daughter. But if my ex and I hadn't had any children together, I'm not sure how my relationship would be with my step sons!