your Skids already have a mother. Plus they have a Father and a Stepmother (I don’t know if your BM has a SO) so that means that there are already 3 adults in their immediate life showing them with love/affection. Not including grand parents. Your Bio will have 2 parents. That is it.

You are not given the authority/control over how the Step Kids are raised. You don’t get to decide how they will have their hair cut, what sports they will be in, what their dating age will be, who they can hang out with, and the requirements on driving a car. You will get to decide those things for your Bio’s and you are the one that gets to have the special experiences with them. Again the Step Kids have a mother showing them affection already.

For him to say that you cant be a mom to your kids with out being one to the step kids is stupid. They have a mother. Are your Bios now required to put their life on hold and wait for stepkids to grace your home with their presence? I would NEVER promise my Other Half anything like this. Personally after one fight of this topic and I would disengage and do NOTHING for him in regards to his kids. They have a mother and they have a father already. It isn’t fair to decided before your baby is born that every ounce of love that you give the child will have to be equal to its step siblings that get more love from their own mother. With your Husbands logic the Skids will always have more because they get love/toys/attention in TWO homes not one.

Exactly, Ommy! The skids ALREADY HAVE A MOTHER. They know this just as well as you do. My skids are ONLY loyal to their mother and father--me and my son are nice company when they're in the right mood, but other than that we're just annoyances to them and their time with daddy. My husband has expressed to me that he wishes that the skids & I could be closer, but he understands that their mother is always standing in the way. It sounds like you already have a great relationship with your skids--point this out to your dh and tell him what he's asking is ridiculous and impossible. He needs to put himself in your shoes--if you had brought in a child that was from a previous relationship, can he honestly say that he would have EXACTLY the same bond with them that he has with his kids? I don't think so!

OMG, this man must be retarded for sure. Just tell him to shut the fuck up and go mow the lawn. }:)

I would say that is completely impossible and the sooner he begins to manage his completely unrealistic expectations the better. That is so crazy to even suggest let alone ask of you.

Tell him that will happen as soon as he loves your nieces just as much as his sons.... and that he will not spoil his sons any more than he spoils your nieces.

Hmm, how would I react? I'd tell him to go fuck himself. I didn't bed that ugly wench, I didn't choose to raise a child to think her shit don't stink, and I don't sit on my ass all day. SD HAS a mother. She sucks sure enough, but that wasn't MY choice. That was HIS choice and he, and his daughter, have to live with the consequences of that choice. My child does not. My child gets to have the undivided love, affection and attention of his mother, just like SD8 gets at her mother's home. He doesn't and should not have to SHARE his mother while SD8 gets a mommy of her own. I don't have to share my resources and time simply because I have them and her mommy is broke and spends all her time on facebook. OUR son has me. I am his only mommy. SD8 has a mommy and she has me as a bonus. What I give her is a gift. What I choose not to give her is not a punishment. It is not "taking" from her.

I would not get prego by this man. And if you did...this should have been talked about first. He is out of line.

I think your DH is going thro a normal process in his mind of worrying that you will treat SS's differently after BC is born.

I am not sure you can ever really explain the feelings you have for your Bio's. But you have to realize those boys are HIS bios and he probably feels for his sons and just wants them to be treated fairly/equally. Just because they have a mother does not automatically make her a good mother.

I have a SS and I can tell you I do not feel for him the same as I do my bios. But SS was 14 when I met him and his BM hates me. My sister has a SS that she raised from the time he was 2 years old and even tho they have had disagreements when he left for college she called me crying like a baby. I was totally shocked. I didn't realize she had such strong emotions for her SS. She has 2 bios but she did a fabulous job of raising that boy while his mother was in jail and not making a strong distinction between the children. Even after his mom got out of jail he seen his BM but it take him long to realize who loved him. To my sister they are all her kids, they all call her mom.

My bios don't have a positive father figure so I would like my DH to treat/love my kids like his own. But I know that is not fair because I cannot love his son like my own. So each of us just try to do the best we can. When things get rough I try to remember the "Golden Rule".

I've explained to DH numerous times that his kids don't need me to love them equally. They need me to treat them kindly and justly. They have parents to ruin them...er, I mean, to love them, of course. I'm busy loving my own children, and I
WILL NOT be guilted about wanting to spend some time with my own kids without someone else's crotch droppings in tow.

What is wrong with all these "parents"? How about they teach their children how to COPE instead of expecting the rest of the world to refrain from living in an effort to shield them from reality. Reality is you're not their mother. Reality is, you're likely a better mother than their real mother and he realizes this. Reality is, that sucks for them but isn't your problem.

My kid hit the mommy lottery, not my fault my dh played hide the salami in the train wreck and produced SD8. It is his job to help her cope with the fact that I do things with DS that will not include her simply because I am HIS mother. Her mother does shit with her that doesn't include DS. She talks about it here. I am expected to help him cope with the fact that he might miss out on.....um, gee, can't really think of anything Lazy McCrazy might do with her that would cause jealousy.... Oh wait, I know, she brags about all the TOYS her mother buys her (with our money) . We aren't materialistic here so he'll have to learn to cope with that.

Kids actually deal with this stuff ALL.THE.TIME and are very resilient and understand it more than adults think. The problem is when adults coddle and baby and give the kids the IMPRESSION that they're being slighted. Other kids in school brag about vacations, new toys, trips to the zoo, etc. Kids get that other kids have different parents who value different things.

After I got done giggling, I'd ask him why he's so insecure about his kids.

I wouldn't lie and just say, "ok dear".

Im glad SO doesn't expect me to love his kids. To be honest, I love my cats a lot more than I love his kids.