its not HER fault
Well unfortunately for me, Sd16 only has been working one day a week for the last two weeks. She hasn't been put on the work schedule at her job.
SO made mention of this. I said well, either they are really disorganized and not using their people efficiently or they don't like her and are trying to get rid of her.
SO starts to tell me that she got in trouble recently because she went in on the wrong day or didn't go in on the right day.. whatever. Of course someone else's fault because she called to get her schedule and that person told her the wrong days for her to work. blah blah.
I dunno. I kinda tuned out after that. So my guess is that she'll go through about 4 jobs before SO realizes she is irresponsible in the real world, not just school world and home world.
I'll just sit back and keep my mouth shut.
I have my disengaging work cut out for me. She's playing the good daddy's girl role the last few visits since getting into twitter trouble with him. Plus getting jealous that her brother is getting so much attention from dad because that kid is actually responsible. So NOW, she's being all friendly and talkative to everyone and pretending to like being around us. This means anything I do or say is being watched by SO, because if I'm "Mean" she gets victim status from him.
Poor SS13 vented at me last night while SD and SO were out picking up dinner. The kid is now realizing that dad treats SD16 different from him. He actually said "Dad is softer on SD. Mom is the same way. I don't care though. I like that dad makes me earn what I get. I think you should have to work for things. Its just annoying that SD gets stuff for doing nothing. She got that ipod and didn't do ANYTHING for it. I have a bunch of chores to do which is fine, but I am the only one who has to work for things. I guess cause she's a girl or his first born or whatever"
How shitty is that!!!?? I really felt for him. He also made mention of how two faced she is. She talks about her mom and sdad here at dad's, but then she goes back and says "dad and helena did this/that..." and pretends she doesn't talk about you guys when she's visiting you. I just told him, "honey i already know all about your sister and there's nothing we can do about that'. You just know you are doing what you are supposed to and eventually it all catches up"
I wish I had more for him.
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I think he knows you are in
I think he knows you are in tune with him, and that is probably a source of strength to him. He is going to grow up into a responsible young man who doesn't try to manipulate others into doing what he wants them to.
I would hate to be in the situation you are in with SD being "nicey nicey" to you and SO, and SO watching your response. Luckily my SDs cannot bring themselves to be nice to me so it never arises. However, I do get DH saying to me "they are really trying hard to please you" when I see nothing of the sort!!!! God - a year or two and SD17 at least will be out of my hair.
Kes I think you are right. I
Kes I think you are right. I still feel scarred by SD, so I'm constantly afraid SS is going to turn on me. But he's so different from SD when she was his age. I just didn't see she was being manipulative. SS is really sincere and I see it across the board with a lot of people. This is why I try to be more trusting with him.
He and I do comment on how much we have in common. I can tell he is always comparing me to his mom too when he makes certain statements. I try never to bad mouth her. I just say we are different, or I'm sorry she does that. He doesn't try to manipulate that I can tell so far.
The SD being nice thing is so annoying right now because I really do feel like SO is seeing if I match her in kind. I can tell he thinks that just because she's "trying" I should be too. The problem is, his parent/rose colored glasses keep him from seeing that this is her pattern.
She is good for about 2-4 weeks, then she goes back to being spoiled selfish self centered SD again. That's the true SD. Plus knowing that whatever we do all week while she's being nice, she will go home and bad mouth us to her mom and sdad. Her personality is so predictable and shallow, yet her father doesn't see it. Every time she turns on the daddy's girl act, he starts getting a glimmer of hope that she will change and THAT is the real her. He just can't see that she is manipulating. We all know though, if I say anything I'm the asshole.
"they are really trying hard to please you" from your DH, again just those rose colored glasses. Its all wishful thinking and denial. I am with you. What I see is manipulation to get something from dad.
I get the same thing, the
I get the same thing, the only time she is nice to everyone and friendly or does the dishes is when she's buttering up daddy for something she wants. I have never seen her be nice and friendly or helpful without following up with wanting something within a day. FDH says "it's really nice having the normal SD15back :jawdrop: (after she almost drank herself to death)" Umm yea bc she had her tail between her legs for 3 days then when back to being the snotty, selfish, spoiled brat she is......
FDH just doesn't want to see the manipulation, good thing I'm there to point it out LOL- gotta pick and choose the battles though!
Yes gotta pick those battles.
Yes gotta pick those battles. I can't say too much because I end up the bad guy.
What you said about SD being
What you said about SD being good for 2-4 weeks - we get that with NPD BM. DH attended a film club production of SD15 on Saturday, and sat by BM - said she was being really kind about the fact our dog is dying of cancer. Personally, I never trust these brief "human" interludes of hers - I always say to DH that I will start giving BM the benefit of the doubt when she has kept it up for 3 years!
Maybe you could use this technique with your SO - tell him you might start trusting her and letting your guard down if she keeps it up for 3 mths - you know she never will!
Very good point. I've been
Very good point.
I've been wondering what SD will end up diagnosed with when she becomes a non functioning adult and needs to see someone. bipolar, NPD, who knows.
She's definitely not consistent. The only thing you can predict is that she will be mean and selfish again. My mom just calls her 'one of those cooky types"
when sd was in high school
when sd was in high school and fdh was buying her "i'm sick" crap at least once a week and letting her stay home and be on the computer or the phone all day when she should have been at school, i told him that when she gets a job, she is going to think she can call in all the time and still get a full paycheck. the only job she has been able to keep is the one at the office at the school she is going to. anyone can answer a phone and direct people to where they need to go. she had a job as a gymnastics coach asst (odd since she has no background in gymnastics), that didn't last, don't know why. she was supposedly getting a job at pizza/sub shop, that never even happened, she had a job for 2 days at deli/store, but she got fired for not being able to use the cash register, but that was the mgrs fault, because "they were lazy and didn't train her". sure, sd. whatever you say. she is almost 20 and her only experience is the office job of answering a phone.
she thinks she's pretty hot shit for having an "office job". she thinks it's so very grown up to go out "after work" for chinese with her "co workers". OMG. being pregnant is just the cherry on top for her. she thinks she's a full blown adult with no more growing up to do. as angry as i am that someone as rotten as her is having a baby, i'm looking forward to reality smacking her in the face once it's born.
Good point Vick! I will have
Good point Vick! I will have to keep my ears open on that one and see. This could be a possibility. SS13 has been having a great time with us and I think SD was getting jealous of him spending so much time at our house and she isn't getting the same daddy attention.
Thank you for the encouragement with SS. It really is nice to have one of them to relate to. Its also nice that HE actually calls SD out in front of SO so I don't look like a-hole that I used to.
I really did try to validate him and probably overstepped a bit by telling him that I've fought with his dad defending him (SS) against SD. I will watch that in the future.
Wow, aaaaaaand lets add the
Wow, aaaaaaand lets add the story she told me tonight. For some reason she decided to talk to me.
Her stepbrother broke the ipod that daddy bought her for no reason (after all the bad grades and making SS earn what he gets, as SS puts it). She found it in her purse with the power button broken. It must be her stepbrother because she hadn't used it.
Again, not her fault.