The Kid Whisperer Files-Trick #2
I just have to do this. I missed the whole thing today and thought the advise was horrible.
When a small of 6 child lies to CPS about her father grabbing her by her face and slamming her head into the wall which causes a three month investigation the best way to teach them that it's not okay is to sit them down and look them in the eye and say we shouldn't do that and then give them your credit card and drive them to Toys R Us. If you so this and then smile at them and this will stay with them a life-time.
And after that rainbows will magically shoot out of your a$$ and Rainbow Bright will show up throwing her magic dust every where and you'll fly off into the sunset with your skids on the flying dog/dragon from the Never Ending Story.
Kids are like puppies- you gain their trust, you reward them for following a rule, and you will have a whole different breed.
Anybody else have any kid whispering files that they would like to pull out of their rears?
- Unhappy's blog
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Comments
Raising kids is like a
Raising kids is like a contest. Especially if you have split physical custody. If your skids BM takes them to McDonalds, you take them to Disneyland. If the skids BM buys them a teddy bear, you buy them a live Panda cub.
If you do not sacrifice everything in your life to give better gifts to your skids, you are a douchenozzle, and you don't deserve to live.
Lastly, if you have something your skid wants, give it to them. Phone. Car. Computer. It doesn't matter. They are entitled to these things because their father f*cked their mother once, and the rest is history. You are just the dumb twat that came along and married the man that should have been their mother's free ride for life. In other words, you should not even EXIST!!!
There really needs to be a
There really needs to be a "Spitting drink on the monitor as I laugh" emoticon for awesomeness like this.. Panda cub ROTFL!
When your 13 year old SD acts
When your 13 year old SD acts like she's going to vomit her food into her plate because she is repulsed by your homemade spaghetti sauce. Sit her down, look her right in the eye and offer her chicken strips or mac n cheese instead. Get up immediately like an obedient SM that you are, and fix it for her before her wittle tummy starts to growl. Apologize profusely for trying to feed her healthy, home-cooked meals and vow never to make them again. Don't forget to give her the $10 for critiquing your cooking.
OR
Get up, grab the garbage can and scrap the food from her plate into it and tell her to go make herself a f**king sandwich and eat it in her room, before you kick her in her f**king ass.
In a gentle and well meaning way.
I like the later part of your
I like the later part of your kid whispering file. Oops. Does that make me an unfit parent now?
Yes Ma'am. Give me my $10 dollors now.
You're in good company
You're in good company Ma'am.
Here's your money....$$$$$$$$$$
Damit. I think I have to give
Damit. I think I have to give it right back to you now.
How about this:
Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am,
Now pay up.
LOL! Would you all stop it? I
LOL! Would you all stop it? I keep choking on my beverages today!
No worries Shaman29. If
No worries Shaman29. If anything should happen to you, you should know that I'm a doctor. And not just one of those fancy butt doctors. I got my degree in a cracker jack box.
Oh thank goodness. You're a
Oh thank goodness. You're a doctor! I'm saved!
And after I'm done saving you
And after I'm done saving you I'm going to sit you down and and look you in the eye and tell you that you should always pay people the money that you owe them and then I'm going to give you $10 dollars and smile at you and know that you have learned something that will stayh with you forever.
Dayum, we're going to have to
Dayum, we're going to have to hit the ATM...
Bahahahaha! When your sd lies
Bahahahaha!
When your sd lies and says that you beat her, lock her in rooms and don't feed her be sure to buy her a pony! When she is upset because she isn't the center of attention the day you bury your infant, promise her we're moving into a newer, bigger house where she can have the largest bedroom and paint the walls whatever color she chooses. Don't forget to let her pick out all the furniture and run up the credit cards at whatever toy store she chooses.
You failed to mention the new
You failed to mention the new wardrobe for her too.
I have no "advice" filed
I have no "advice" filed away.
My life is wonderful, i have a wonderful handsome sexy man who is perfect in every way and believes that the sun sets and rises on my wonderful beautiful sexy ass. We make wonderful passionate love every night after all the kids go to bed obediantly at the set time that has been given by both my man and i cause we agree on everything. And not just us, bm agrees too cause we get along wonderfully.
Yes everything is perfect rainbows and unicorns and we poop out glitter.
How much do you pay them to
How much do you pay them to go to bed obediantly at a the set time?
$10 of course. That is the
$10 of course. That is the going rate. Maybe if you were a doctor you would know that already! LOL
I am a doctor. Didn't you
I am a doctor. Didn't you know? That's why I know everything and all of you are just pathetic people that have no clue because you've never had a rainbow shoot out of your a$$.
I almost died just now LMAO.
I almost died just now LMAO. "there is a sunset everynight. Twice." EPIC lol
Dammit. Where do you live? I
Dammit. Where do you live? I want two sunsets to skip off into.
You sound like a machine!!!
You sound like a machine!!! One who gets sets the mood to get cozy by cooing to your DH about beautiful & wonderful his daughter is, as you catch her spying at you, through murderous eyes, with knife in hand...
Storm, Don't you know those
Storm,
Don't you know those are the eyes of an angel?
Of course she is. After all,
Of course she is. After all, I paid her $10.
Well my SD is so out of
Well my SD is so out of control I'm going to have give her raise in order to get her to behave.
Quick question. If we're paying them to be good does that mean that they have a job and we can fire them?
when the little bitch who
when the little bitch who giggled joyously while you were miscarrying is pregnant and expects you to get over what she did to you and do backflips and trip over yourself to "help" her be a mother, do it! go spend all of your money buying her ridiculous, unnecessary and expensive baby gifts, and tell her all the tricks of the trade and assure her daily that she will be a wonderful mom and you can't wait for her precious bundle to get here so you can spoil it rotten. after all, she will be birthing baby Jesus, you know. :sick:
Birthing baby Jesus? I
Birthing baby Jesus? I thought it was the anti christ which will bring about the end of all pain and suffering and giant flowers will bloom every where and the world will know piece at last.
That's of course after I'm elected queen of the universe first. Oh wait a second SD finally went to bathroom with the door closed. Does anybody have a spare 10 that they can loan me. Shaman hasn't paid up yet.
Oh and by the way, I'm
Oh and by the way, I'm completely qualified to be queen of the universe. I'm a doctor and I know all.
all i know is that sd is
all i know is that sd is performing some magic miracle that has never been done before, and she damn well deserves to be the center of the universe! i mean, she's PREGNANT!!!! she is recreating herself to live on and on into eternity. aren't we all lucky? we should be groveling at her feet and singing her praises for blessing the world with a piece of herself! no one has ever been pregnant or given birth before! she is to be held in awe!
Lol. That's effing great Bi.
Lol. That's effing great Bi.
oh gwad I can't stop laughing
oh gwad I can't stop laughing and SO thinks I've lost my mind I asked him for a glass of tea he said yes ma'm I told him give me 10$ and just started laughing. I'm going to dream of screaming bratty kids in a weird distorted disneyland of dad's handing them all money and candy.
GAH!!!!!!! I neglect to
GAH!!!!!!! I neglect to venture to the site for ONE DAY.... and apparently I miss out on some pretty good stuff. DANG!
What in the world happened? Or are ST'ers encouraged to not discuss it?