Ss14 talking about my dd14 at school...
Sigh- this was my concern. In the one week of school we've already dealt with him satiny my dh was growing pot and offered him a joint a day to be nice to me and he wasn't so that's why he moved out, now he is yelling down the halls that my dd14 is sleeping with all the "high school guys". This was in response to my dd14's new boyfriend saying "what's up man" ss didn't answer and then yelled down the hall that she was sleeping with all these High school guys. I am quite secure that my dd is a virgin- but no one needs to hear tht crap. I'm really starting to get pissed off. I grilled her quite extensively to make sure she is not starting stuff with him and she says literally the only words she has said to him is "move" as they have lockers right next to one another and he will stand in front of it sometimes.
I'm sure that I will get advice to ignore it but in the space of a week he's called my dh a marijuana cultivator who is willing to supply to kids and my daughter a slut. What's next? He's made a couple of other rude comments to dd14, but I won't even repeat those. I know if this were my ds13 saying this shit to my dd14 I'd seriously make him pay for it. Obviously since ss doesn't llive here it's not an option.
My dh did say something about the marijuana thing and ss lied- saying he was actually talking about fil. However there is no mistaking he was talking about me as he used a nickname of mine and he is only one of a few that uses it- my dd's friend who overheard all this doesn't even know it nor would she know ss called me it- but it's the exact name she repeated. So I am sure if I tell dh about this and if he asks ss he will just lie. I hate to make dh feel like he has to do something but at the same time I just think this bs is going to continue. He wasn't so bold about this when he lived here as he knew there would be some sort of consequence. I can already tell you my mil wouldn't care or either wouldn't believe he said it. When do you turn something like is over to the school? If he keeps it my dd14 will eventually lose it and say something about him that he doesn't like that I am sure will create even more drama. I would like to nip it in the bud and for him to just keep his mouth shut.
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Contact the school. Sexual
Contact the school. Sexual harrassment should NOT be tolerated, related or not related. In fact they are only related by marriage.
Then contact the MIL and tell her you and DH will be taking SS back into your home and it is likely he will be shipped off to the most locked down military school you can find. Heis either learning these crudities from her home or he is being allowed to free-range. Come down on her arse like no tomorrow and threaten her with a power of shit through the civil courts. Scare the crap out of her.
Oh, ss has been a straight up
Oh, ss has been a straight up asshole for years. This is nothing new in fact it is somewhat mild compared to other crap he's done. When he lived with us this spring he was stealing my dd's panties. My mil couldn't care less- she is aware that we have explored out of home placement for ss and every place we looked at wanted 30,000 a year- we've got 3.5 years til he is 18. My mil hates me and seems to have transferred that feeling to all my kids even the one that is her bio grandchild. So she will be no help. The bm kicked ss out over a year ago for growing pot in her front yard.
I just hate to bring " family drama" to school. I was planning on at least asking her to have her locker moved.
Contact the school. I
Contact the school. I totally understand the not wanting to discuss family issues with school, BUT - if it were ANY other classmate saying these things to your daughter then you'd be calling them right?
Look - we know your MIL is a lost cause. And saying you are going to bring him back home is NEVER going to be the right answer. Is your school district big enough that there is more than one middle school?
Perhaps, your DH should get him moved to a different school?
Or just let him continue to be an ass - and he'll get suspended all on his own soon enough!
They are in high school. I
They are in high school. I too had wondered if I should just let it go and let him mess up on his own. We have no other schools in our district.
My dd14 definitely knows ss is a jerk so I know she doesn't take it personally, but he's only been at their school since last march. I think she worries that others who don't know him yet might believe him or wonder what's wrong with her that her own " brother" is saying this stuff about her.
I understand that for sure.
I understand that for sure. My DD is the same age as my SS - but they go to different high schools (in the same district). She doesn't tell any of her friends at his school that they are 'related'. I don't blame her!
I think I would still talk to the school. At least it would get him on their radar for behavior issues (if they don't know him already that is!), and they can keep a closer eye on him.
I'd also set it up with the school that if he acts up your daughter can go to them to get help during the day too.
Go to the school now. Before
Go to the school now. Before something happens. Her BF (which I don't agree with BTW at 14) may get provoked. Not fair to that kid to be drawn into this mess.
SD did this with BS on the bus. Needless to say, I went to the school and got them involved. Made it clear that my honor student son was being bullied by this girl. They wanted us to deal with it at home. I said I can't she doesn't live with us and the BM is ignoring the behavior.
So she got moved to behind the bus driver for the rest of the year....BS got his license right after and I begrudgingly allowed him to drive to school to stop all future problems.
You have to protect your child, not this brat. Go to the school and have them move the damn lockers...
So did you go to the school
So did you go to the school right away when it first started happening? I know kids make comments all the time to one another that are rude and inappropriate-if I reported every time somebody said something inappropriate to one of my kids I'd be calling weekly.
My dd14 is not a troublemaker. She is also an honor roll student and a Varsity cheerleader. In order to keep her varsity spot (it is very difficult to make varsity as a freshman) her behavior has to be pretty much perfect. I am actually a bit afraid that some sort of physical altercation might break out. DD is not aggressive in any way, shape or form-but ss14 is. I am afraid that he is going to push her or something and she is going to be at the point in which she's had enough and push him back or something. She could easily get the better of him if she actually tried as she has about 50 lbs on him (he is very small for his age and looks more like a 3rd or 4th grader)-but the last thing she needs is some sort of suspension for fighting with him.
I guess I just dont know when enough is enough. I talked to her this morning about moving the lockers. She had asked me prior to school starting and I just didnt want to make an issue if there wasnt going to be one, kwim? I sort of felt that he might just avoid her as they ran into each other multiple times over the summer where she worked and he would try and "hide" from her. She wants HIS locker moved and wants to stay where she is at and I told her my guess is that it just didnt work that way-if she requests it Im sure she will be the one to move. She asked me to hold off on requesting it.
I went the next day after BS
I went the next day after BS finally told me. Apparently it went on for awhile. Go back to my old blogs about the bus. All of it is there. Our school has a zero tolerance for bullying and they acted quickly and my putting the fear of god in them...I would tell her you are the adult and moving is the best way to handle it....I wouldn't give her the option. Imagine if something happened and you didn't handle it.