I do want to have another child with my now DH. I do get to cliam her on my taxes but the ex gets CS break for that and I do not qualify for the EIC because I am married and my DH makes good money. He is actually helping to cover the cost of my ex when it's not even his responsibility to do so. An example of what I am saying it that I don't pay for half of the mortgage because I can't afford to. I pay for some of it just not 50%. DH covers the remaining amount.

Having a child live with you does not affect your mortgage payment, makes very minimal impact on gas, water or hydro. Basically, all you really need money for is food and clothes!

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I'm sorry but you don't have any kids of your own and your BF's kids don't live with you so how would you know what things cost when you have kids? Yes, having a child does affect things such as electricity (they never turn lights off leave doors open during winter and summer plus many other things) water (they need to bathe they drink water they flush tiolets leave water running play in it durring the summer) and gas(the house needs to be kept warmer for the kids during the winter time).

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These are all things your Ex still has to pay somewhere else!

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You would be correct. He does pay for those things as well. But CS is there to pay for your portion of what it costs to raise a child which means things like I named above. I understand that you don't have kids so you don't understand how expensive they actually are but maybe one day you will.

momof3vt, I disagree. Kids are freaking expensive and the point of CS os that the parent paying is contributing what they would have been contributing if the two were still together. That would be 50%.

The pee wee league and the 4H are things that I want to pay for with my money but I can't because I'm covering the additional costs that he should be paying based off of what he know makes.

My ex would never agree to paying for anything additional he hasn't seen her in over four months. He doesn't care about her. He would rather take the money that he should be spending in CS and go and buy drugs with it. You have to understand that I caught this guy holding a piece of pot up under her nose when she was six weeks old. He has serious addiction probles hence the suporvised visition.

Confused68,

I am hearing the magical sound of angels singing right now. Thank you. How some people can freak out about this thread I have no clue. You would think I titled it, "I'm going to send my ex to the poor house." Lol. Really people. I'm not going to hurt him financially. He may not be able to buy all of the drugs he wants but if anything I think that's doing him a favor. Maybe he'll sober up realize what a sh!t parent he is and want to actually spend some time with her.

smdh, very well put. Thank you. Even though I don't really care about getting slammed by the other posters. I know why I'm doing it that's why I asked if it was possible in the original post. I knew that there would people on here deflecting their own frustrations of there situation onto this one when it has nothing to do with what I was originally asking.

herewegoagain, that's a pretty simple answer. You take the total amout of the cost going out of the house for needs and divide that amount by the amount of dependents in the house. Then you take the number that you came up with for my BD and it's almost 9K a year for the needs. (DH and I sat down and figured this out last night).

Now you take the just over 3K my ex is paying, subtract the amost 500 that he should be additionaly paying a year because her medical insurance jumped up and we are supposed to split that cost 50/50 and I am now covering, and he is paying less then 3K a year for the cost of raising a child.

herewegoagain, girl you are angry today and way off based on this one.

So here we go, he does drive truck and I sure that he works long hours but when he is in town he can see her whenever he wants.

He'll send a text asking to see her on x,y, and z days that week to which I let him know that it's good with me and then he just never shows up. He has been doing this to her for the last over four months. He doesn't even call her to let he know that he's not going to show up. You see, he is an addict. I don't know if you have ever delt with anbody like that, but they're pretty unreliable people.

As for you second statement, I could afford to pay for 50% of the mortgage if I wasn't having to cover more of the cost for my BD. If my ex is paying what he should be paying I would have more of the money that I earned left over and would be able to pay for other things.

Actually Here, I do pay for my share of the mortgage now that I think about it. My DH and I share a room, my BD has her own room, and his two kids have their own rooms as well. Which means that what I pay in the mortgage every month would cover my BD and I living in the house (which is two people) and the additional amount that he pays would cover him, SS, and SD (which is three people). I actuall give DH $550 a month towards the mortgage, which technically covers half. I pay for my cell bill and the other bills are kind of a wash because I pay for all of the groceries except for dinners, which DH pays for. I do know our house hold bills are higher then what I pay in groceries every month but that's where I don't make enough to contribute, but seeing as how I am over paying on the mortgage since I am only paying for two people we can add the difference of that to the bills. Not that I don't do other things, like all of the house work on the weekends, laundry, and everything else that goes along with that.

herewegoagain, he pays less then $300.00 a month and the cost of living is different depending on where you live.

You need to take a chill pill. This is not a personal attack on you. It was a simple question. If you don't like the idea of me wanting to increase CS to benifit my BD then that's fine, but you really shouldn't be so angry about this thread. If you don't like what I have to say then don't read it. I mean you just posted like eight posts in a row. Don't you think that's a bit much. You could have always just edited to you original post to reflect your new angry statement.

spousalunity, I'm not sure if your telling me what happened to you or where this is coming from. I have never been a home maker. I have always worked. My state is not like that and if it's 50/50 custody then I wouldn't expect him to pay for anything because he would be taking care of 50% of her needs.

Further more, I think that your state would be singing a different tune when a parent is considered a danger to a child. Sh!t the state that I live in almost put out an Amber alert for my BD when my ex took off with her. He then proceeded to drive her back home drunk.

hatinthis31, I agree with you 100%. The courts need to be fair. I am not asking for his entire paycheck. I just want him to pay what he is obligated to pay to support his BD. I have 100% responsibility of everything for her.

Jsmom, there is no asking him for anything additional. And I do want to have another child with my now DH. He has a good job and makes good money. It's not that we together can't afford to have a child, I just don't exepct my now DH to pay for what my ex should be taking care of. I am in the process of looking for another job but I live in a right to work state where the wages suck big time. With the job that I'm doing now I should be making around 60K a year. Not in this state. I don't make anywhere close to that.

whoanelly, I couldn't agree with you more. If I had 50/50 custody with my ex I wouldn't ask for a penny. He would be providing for her 50% of the time. To me it would be immoral.

But in my situation I have my BD 100% of the time. I am her caregiver, her nurse when she gets hurt, her emotional support when she's sad, her protecter when she feels threatened, and her rock. Other then the CS that I receive from my ex, he contributes nothing. He doesn't visit with her. He blows her off when he says he's going to be there and then I'm left picking up the pieces. I have never bad mouthed him to her because I don't believe in doing that. I figure eventually it will dawn on her just exactly who he is. I am worried about how her father abandoning her will affect her when she gets older.

whoanelly, I am not punishing him for walking away. In my eyes if he doesn't sober up he would probably be doing more harm then good by visiting her. I had something specifically written in to the CO that if he goes and gets a drug and alcohol assesment and follows through with what they recomend and then stays sober after that we would work on moving to a 50/50 custody. Obviously it would all be done in baby steps. Even when I went to court for custody the judge wanted to do supervised visitation through the state and couldn't understand why I wanted it at his mother's house instead. I had to expain to him many many times that he wouldn't be able to see her that much based on his income at the time if he had to do that. I was able to get the judge to finally side with me.

My ex wouldn't be willing to work with me on anything. After I moved in with DH he quit paying his support that we agreed upon which is less then he was paying now because I wanted him to be able to survive after the support he paid for his BD. I eventuall had to have his wages garnished in order to get him to pay through the state.

As far as pride, believe me I've got that. I had to take on the full responsibility of my BD to make sure that nothing happened to her. He was doing things like drinking and driving with her in the care, smoking pot around her, bringing her to parties with his friends. There was even one incident that she told me about whe she was 5. He had a really bad ant problem, she had no room, she slept on the couch out in the living room with him. One night she needed to get up and go to the bathroom but she was too afraid to get up. She told me that hopped from one piece of furniture to the next because she was afraid to walk on the floor. Apprently there wasn't enough furniture for her to get to the bathroom so she just pooped her pants instead. Please, don't tell me to have some pride. I have done the best that I can do for my BD and pride has nothing to do with it.

Storm, between my DH and myself, we can provide for another child. My DH makes good money so that's a non issue. I don't expect for my DH to pick up the slack for my ex even though he does sometimes.

He does pay child support. He is obligated to pay more. I would be more than willing to work something out with him outside of court but he would be completely unwilling to do anything like that. Which means if I have to go through the court they will take whatever percentage the deem fit and give it to our BD. I would rather work with him on it but what can I do when he is not willing to.

I would love to be able to work something out between him and I. I don't want a $1000.00 a month in CS. What I would like from him is for him to support his BD more. If he chooses to sober the eff up and work towards shared custody I'm all for it. It this going ot happen? Sadly, probably not. He does not split the costs of raising a child 50/50 with me. (This is in reference to people who have shared custody.)

I really don't understand why evrybody is freaking out about this. You'd think that I was out to destroy him with some of these posts. That is not my intention at all. In fact DH and I have been talking about trying to see in the next couple of years if he will be willing to give up his parentlal rights. (The reason being, he would not be willing to do it at this point in time. He is still angry at me that I moved on and if I have to hear him tell me to go and choke on a d!ck again I'll b!tch slap his a$$ through the phone.) It scares the crap out of me to think that if anything were to happen to me that he would get custody of her.

What gets me about most of the posts is if you read some of my responses I have done nothing but bend over backwards to accomadate him. When I knew he couldn't afford state visitation I pushed for the visitation to be at his mother's house. When we first seperated I made sure that he could afford to live after he paid the amount that we agreed upon in monthly CS. I made it a point when they finally started garnishing his wages for CS and back CS to go down to health and welfare and ask how much additional they were taking because I still wanted him to be able survive. I am not a greedy BM. I have done nothing but try and be very accomadating and easy to work with. It's not about my dislike of him. It's about our BD and in the end she has always come first to me. I have never said a bad word about him to her. When she asks why she can't go to his house, I just tell her that daddy has things he has to work on first. I don't tell her that her father is a drug addict loser, which is the truth.

This is how is though. He is a giant child. Instead of working with me he would probably tell me go eff myself and then pay the additional amount the state would make him pay by choice and mentally be thinking about how he slammed me because he got to insult me. And by choice I mean instead of being an adult and wanting to support his BD more he would want to act like a 16 year old that wants their way constantly and is willing to suffer any consequence to get it. (Just using that as an example. Please do not take it the wrong way.) It would be like if I asked him if he wanted to pay for half of a sport that she wanted to play. He either wouldn't respond or would respond with name calling.

You see the roles are reversed in this situation. I hear all the time about BM's texting their ex's curse words and not being cooperative in the slightest way. This is the way my ex is with me. I have taken on the full responsibility of raising our BD willingly because he is unwilling do even an EOWD and would rather pretend he's still 21 and party with his friends and then he turns around treats me like crap and his BD for that matter. If anything, I'm helping him live the life that he wants. No responsibilities just partying.

Thanks whoanelly. I feel the same way about a lot of the posts as well. I know that people are reacting from their own experiences. They are not used to dealing with a cooperative BM who actully wants their ex to spend time the kid(s). I can't tell you how many times I have sent my ex texts letting him know how bad he is hurting her, that he only has so much time before she just won't care whether or not he's around anymore, and to not punish her by denying his attention because he's mad at me (which he doesn't even realize he's doing because he thinks that he's punishing me). It does not good though. He can't think about anybody but himself. He's been this way for over the last 8 years that I have known him.

What's truly sad is in his quest to try and hurt me because I have moved on he's only hurting her. I'm worried about the emotional effects that this will have on her when she gets older. Thankfully DH treats her just like one of his own. I just don't know if that's going to be enough to ward off the emotional damage that's being done.

DH actually tried to call him the other day and sent him some texts wanting to get together. My ex refuses to meet him and hasn't since DH and I have been together. DH wanted to sit down with him and explain to him everything that he's missing out on. My ex never responded. I guess DH should be thankful for that. I would rather have no response then some of the ones that I've gotten in the past and will continue to receive in the future.