Call on ss's birthday: hey bud, did mom give you the stuff we sent for you yet, or is she waiting for your party?

If he hadn't gotten them yet, call a few days layer. SS, did you like the d, y, and z that we sent? Did it all get there ok, don't want anything to have gotten lost in the mail.

Agree with PeanutandSons, call ss to find out if he liked the gifts that you purchased for him!

I feel like my SS's BM would be the same and take credit for the gifts and when SS came to see us he would be wondering why we never got him anything.

If you call to find out yourselves then you will know for sure he's received them and knows they are from you.

Any way you guys could keep his gifts and possibly have him come over for a little bit the night following his birthday? That way you can be with him when he is opening his gifts and although you are going to miss his birthday it gives you both the opportunity to celebrate with him for a little?

I don't like giving my SS anything that he is going to take over to his BM's. When he gets a toy from us, most times it stays with us. I find BM to be filthy and doesn't take care of ANYTHING so I don't like to send things with him. Even when he is with us for the weekend, I wash what he is wearing when he comes and he goes back home in the exact same outfit. I don't spend my money on things for him for her to ruin them.