This sounds like her way of trying to feel secure and wanted. It isn't the stepdaughters fault that her parents divorced, and if he stepped up to be Dad to her from age 3 to 16, he would be a total POS if he dumped her at that point and cared only for his own bio child.

I know what it is like to have a biodad disappear and then a stepdad say he is dad but then drop me like a dog turd. It is crushing.

He made the commitment to that girl to be a parent, so I don't see anything wrong with "you need to do xyz for Jessica", or I need you to, or Jessica needs you to xyz. He will always be a taxi and allowance fund for both his daughters. I think that makes you one lucky woman to have a man like that, who didn't drop the teen girl, when teen girls are most annoying already on top of having no legal obligation to continue being her father figure.

I know you may have that gut instinct of territory and resources for your household and potential children, but backing him up as Jessica's Dad is a beautiful thing. I know what it is like to be Jessica and have the SM push to get rid of you - my biodad's wife pushed him and encouraged him to terminate his rights then my stepdad-who-adopted me got with another woman and dropped me like I was nothing. I had NO self-esteem, I thought if TWO Dads both didn't love or care about me, what man would? I ended up SO fortunate with a good man and good life, but it could have gone sooo badly. I guess it makes me feel a little better just hearing about your DH being such a good man and good Dad and that makes me happy in a wishful way. Though I completely do understand your instinctual reaction. Just try to see it from the other side and just consider that he has two daughters, biological and legally obligated or not. I think your heart will double in size with love and respect for your DH knowing that no matter how horrible BM was/is, no matter what she did or didn't do, YOUR DH is a real man that didn't kick the older child to the curb in spite of the mother.

As for the asking for rides when you have plans, that's just what they do to their parents. Tweens and teens aren't known for their consideration and thoughtfulness about parents as people with lives of their own. We are taxis, food makers, and maids that sit on a shelf when not in their sight just waiting to drive them somewhere, feed them, or wash their laundry. In my mind, it means she really does just think of him as DAD, because I couldn't imagine doing that with my bio-father, but did to my mother all the time and grandparents. Poor Grandparents, I ran them ragged as a teen, but at the time, I thought their lives revolved around driving me and that they were overjoyed to give me allowance. LOL

I am in similar situation.I have 12 years old girl whom I raised alone for 10 years after divorced. My current boyfriend has son (biological) and stepdaughter that he adopted since she was 5 years old. She is now 10 years and still wearing diapers. MY bf and his wife divorced over 6 years. His ex got new boyfriend and has a daughter with him. Currently his bf kicked her out. The stepdaughter has behavior which it looks like bipolar disorder.

My bf and her ex hid this from school and social service until 2 weeks ago when I encouraged my bf to tell the school so she would get help that she needs. The stepdaughter still belongs in a special classroom (One school in northern Denmark) but the school doesn't know about her overall mental conditions. The reason her mother didn't want to inform the school is that she is afraid it will give shame to her family's status.

His ex is currently on psychological treatment at the hospital so my bf ran back home from overseas work to take care of the kids because his ex's mother doesn't want to look after them during the 5 weeks treatment of her daughter.

I told my bf that I am willing to accept his son ut not his stepdaughter. I told him that his step daughter has a mother with lots of money she inherited from his stepfather who also adopted her after marrying her mother and the money she got from the divorce.

The biological father of my bf's stepdaughter doesn't want to accept his daughter. I have not spoken with her biological father but I heard that he said he didn't want to have family with that woman so broke off with her and suddenly she got pregnant.

I came to Denmark just to see the actual situation and after being with them for few weeks, I wanted to flee. I love my bf very much . He is very kind but now I see why he is being used by his ex and his ex daughter. he is too kind. he services his kids.He runs errands. When the daughter turns hysterical because one fruit is missing in the fridge, he runs like hell trying to find an open shops to buy.

When the son turns hysterical because he lost the game (call of duty), he goes and begs the son not to cry.
When the daughter turns hysterical swearing to him because he bought a spinner toys and the color she doesn't like, my bf drove 30 mins and 30 mins back to get it changed in the shop and gave it to her.

The kids naturally swear at home like "fuck deg" which means fuck you. or What the fuct. and they naturally scream to each other fuck you when they dont get what they want.

After seeing this, I wanted to leave immediately. I wanted to flee and never return.

After talks with my bf, I decided to stay and suggested some discipline methods. I suggested no more "fuck you" in the house. no more jumping for anger when something isn't in the fridge. No more screaming in the morning when the rest of other people are still sleeping. We say good night and I love you daddy before sleep. We say thank you daddy for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or anything he gets for us.

My bf started this rules and it is working well with the son but the step daughter refused. When he tells the stepdaughter to do such, she would go and immediately calls her grandma and mother complaining about his stepfather mistreating her. And the grandma would tell my bf not to do such and so on. And he cursed himself alone and follow what his ex's mother say.

First to second week, the kids loved the foods I cook. They said they would like me to stay and so they would have these great food everyday. But since the rules started being implemented, the stepdaughter started complaining about the food saying they are too asian and so on and so forth.

My bf' brothers and sister with their family came and had lunch with us and they saw how she got angry because she doesn't want to eat the foods I cooked ( spring rolls, Filipino style chicken adobo, Thai curry with coconut, fried rice with mince meat). She started calling her grandma and mother saying I interfere a lot because I asked a question "what are you going to wear tomorrow's school party". The grandma told my bf not to involve me with the kids.

I told my bf "if you take a woman in your life,there is no way not to involve her especially if the kids live with you. If I will be your wife, I will always interfere regarding what's happening in the house. if you dont want that, then I am out". And I told him that if we wants to marry me, he needs to sign a paper that says his stepdaughter will never put foot in my house. If he wants to spend time with her, go visit her. Take her somewhere but I wont be part of it. I encourage him to continue financial support for her despite the mother's wealth and continue contact with her but without me being involved.

He said, "we will find a solutions for all of these. Dont leave me". But for me, I just need to go home, hug my daughter for being not rude to mommy and just think of how to run my business better.

His family and friends look at me like I am a heartless monster who rejects a child. But for me, the stepdaughter isn't my responsibility, she has mother, grandma, biological father, 2nd stepfather, who has responsibilities over her but I am not one of them. And she needs professional helps if she is to be better.I have a daughter to worry about, I have nephews and nieces who deserve helps better, I have very poor relatives who actually need help. I do not have time for his stepdaughter's whims and demands.

I hope her to be better. I hope her to appreciate what all people around her try to give her.

I know how you feel because my DH is raising 2 that aren't biologically his (BM was a major whore). What is irritating you is her attitude that he is obligated to do these things for her daughter instead of recognizing it is by choice. I deal with the same thing here. What keeps me sane is concentrating on BS 2 weeks and BS 11. BM's spawn are his concern by choice. I don't feel like that about his BS with BM, but when it comes to those two, I'm counting the days until they are gone. His SD is 17 also, and graduating this year, hopefully to go far, far away.