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BMandSMto6's picture

Submitted by BMandSMto6 on Sun, 09/20/2009 - 1:52am

Hello to everyone! I'm a little shy so be gentle with me...this is the first time I've done this kind of thing. I am a bio mom to 3 and SM to 3. My bio kids are 8yo girl, 9yo boy and 16yo boy. My skids are 9yo boy, 13yo girl and 18yo boy. I will say it's not easy blending our families especially when I feel a more of a connection with my kids however I'm trying. All the kids seem to get together alright but I hear SD13 sometimes say mean things about BD9 behind my back and it really hurts my feelings. SD did make a comment in front of DH before and he didn't respond at all. I did make a comment that to her, in front of DH, that if she couldn't say anything nice then don't even bother to say anything at all. The boys seem to get along great when they're all togeher however BD seem to clash all the time...I'm thinkinking it's more of the age difference but not sure because SD has run her own friends of the same age off before. I'm really unsure how to get down to the bottom of it and truthfully I just want to protect my daughter. If any SP has any kind of advice I would very much appreciate it. Thank you!

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justwantpeace2's picture

Submitted by justwantpeace2 on Sun, 09/20/2009 - 2:49am

Welcome! This site has been very helpful for many of us! How long have you been in this sm situation? If you are just getting into it, I wish you lots of patience, understanding and marbles! Wink If you have been in it a long time, well, I wish you even more patience, understanding and marbles Biggrin ! With the ages of your skids and bkids, you have the teenage craziness to add into the mix and it just is not going to be easy. I believe it takes 5 to 7 years to even start feeling like a blended family or it could be never which is kind of my case. We are more of a his and hers type of family. I can't make my skids feel any more for me than they want to. So, I don't force myself on them. My bkids clash frequently and my skids clashed frequently with each other (and still do from what I hear from their dad). I think that is just the way kids are. So, just try to ignore it and maybe keep them from hurting each other if need be! Smile I think you did the right thing about telling your sd that if she can't say something nice, then don't say it at all. My own mom told me that when I was growing up! You will never be able to fully protect your daughter from what others say to her or about her that is hurtful. That is just kids. All you can do is tell her good things about her to compensate for it. My bd has gone through many things in her young life from other kids her age and ssiblings. It has been hard to see the tears in her eyes because it hurt her, but I have kept telling her to not let their words become who she is...that she is a wonderful person and is beautiful on the inside and out. She will learn to adapt and ignore the cruelness of their words. My bd did and she just laughs it off now. She is almost 18. I would keep an eye on the sd behavior as there could be jealousy issues as she was the only daughter before your bd. I had that problem and just didn't realize it at the time. I think that is still part of the problem but my sd would never admit it.

Manda's picture

Submitted by Manda on Sun, 09/20/2009 - 3:13am

Good advice...thank you! SD was in the world first and I guess
I can see how she would feel. SD might be trying to compete for DH's attention. I was a BD before and had siblings later in life and still got jealous. It probably doesn't matter if it's a BK, SK, or whatever...just treat them all the same!