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Feeling useless and lied to

CPaquette's picture

Submitted by CPaquette on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 8:21am

My 2 SDs that aren't REALLY my sd's (19 and 12, from my husbands first wife- from her first marriage) treat me like shit. I do everything for them like they are mine, and the lie and ignore me all the time. They literally only do this when they aren't getting their way (see previous post about SD19- she still isn't talking to me by the way and is at BM's).

Anyway, SD12 comes to our house for the night last night and I ask her what happend to her FB. She tells me her mom made her block me and my husband. Why? Who knows. So I asked BM, who says that it was SD's choice and she let her. So- either kid is lying or mom. It really could be either. But how do I deal with this?

I just feel so thrown to the side constantly. There is nothing that we can do (my husband included) and he is constantly saying "Well she isn't our kid". True. So why do we still get asked to do everything for them and pay for them and take them and make sure they make it to school dances, and even to school itself on time! How come we take them back to school shopping? How come we bought SD19 a laptop? Why? Why? Why? when we aren't respected or really truly treated like the parent that we step in for CONSTANTLY.

feeling abandoned today...

Comments

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 8:29am

So why do we still get asked to do everything for them and pay for them and take them and make sure they make it to school dances, and even to school itself on time! How come we take them back to school shopping? How come we bought SD19 a laptop? Why? Why? Why?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I wonder why you do this also. I can't stress enough to SM's to disengage. It saves lives!! lol

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 8:48am

I agree with Willow...WHY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH DO YOU (ESPECIALLY) & DH DO ANYTHING FOR THESE INGRATES THAT ARENT EVEN YOUR DH'S BIOS???!!!

That to me is sheer insanity!!! It's bad enough to do anything for skids when they ARE your DH's offspring but his XW's kids from another man???!!! WTF??? :?

Please clarify because I am soooo confused!!!

CPaquette's picture

Submitted by CPaquette on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 8:50am

there is no other way to explain it than my husband was in their life for five years and five years later still can't muster up the strength to say- ok this has gone far enough. and BM just sends them. It's not like I can kick them out of my car when they have gotten in already...ya know what I mean....

New second wife-step-mom's picture

Submitted by New second wife... on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 9:10am

It's not like I can kick them out of my car when they have gotten in already...ya know what I mean....

^^^^ Don't let them get in!

This seems kind of messed up to me but here goes...

Tell your DH that if he wants to see them it is his life but you will not do anything, buy anything, or go anywhere with his EX-wife's daughters until they start treating you with respect and stop the lies!!!

Let your DH take those girls elsewhere to visit them or just take them to dinner!

Seriously, are these girls coming over EOW or such just like visitation? Is this CO'd in the divorce? Or is your DH being just a stupid pushover? Taking care of kids that are not his own even after they are rude and disrespectful to his WIFE!

For me it is enough to have to put up with SS17's rude and disrespectful behaviour and they way he lies on me, ignores me and such. I guarantee you I would NOT tolerate it if my DH brought his EX's kids in our home and they tried that stuff. No sir, they would not be allowed in our home and if DH didn't like it he could leave with them.

BTW, I wouldn't want to be their FB friend they aren't even your Skids. :?

CPaquette's picture

Submitted by CPaquette on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 9:12am

THey come over every other weekend...he just texted me that he talked to BM and said the things he should've said a while ago....sooo...I hope that things will get better in that arena

who knows.

New second wife-step-mom's picture

Submitted by New second wife... on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 9:25am

And if they don't and YOU let this continue you are asking for a miserable life.

He should not only tell BM he should put it VERY plainly to those girls this either stops or the cash flow and visitations stop IMMEDIATELY!!!

Where is the BF in this whole picture?

This makes me MAD! Ungrateful, Entitled, Selfish BRATS, he is not even their father!!!

CPaquette's picture

Submitted by CPaquette on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 9:35am

BF is around but not someone who has a home for the kids to go to on weekends. He takes them out to dinner every week and spends time with them at their moms

I am waiting to hear from my husband about what he said to her.

New second wife-step-mom's picture

Submitted by New second wife... on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 9:40am

So BF IS putting forth some effort and spending time with them!

So is your DH just money bags to them????

CPaquette's picture

Submitted by CPaquette on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 10:16am

yup

CPaquette's picture

Submitted by CPaquette on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 10:18am

no adoption. just out of the goodness of his heart and not wanting to separate bio sisters (his daughters are 1/2 sisters to his ex step daughters.

it should come to an end- but he was raised by a stepdad, not a bio dad and i think the guilt overcomes him. he doesn't want them to feel abandoned...but- we all know the reality of this situation.

New second wife-step-mom's picture

Submitted by New second wife... on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 10:48am

Ok, if he doesn't want to seperate the 1/2 sisters then he can invite them for birthday parties, school events and the holidays. It doesn't mean he has to have regular visitation with them or spend money on them like they are his blood daughters.

In other words, they are not his daughters and he is not obligated to them so why all of the visitations and $$$$?

They are not being abandoned they have a BM and a BF that is active in their lives so why the guilt? :?