When does the cute phase end?
I have been thinking a lot about this lately in regards to SS(5). He'll be 6 in around three months. I have noticed some changes with SS's attitude lately. From his temper tantrum where he was screaming that he didn't love DH anymore, that he hated him, and that he wanted to live with him mom forever (I couldn't believe that he said those things. It's so unlike him.) to his listening skills where he just wants to do what he wants to do and it doesn't matter what you think or say. He's gotten to the point where if you threaten a punishment with him he'll look you right in the eye and say I don't care.
I think that he's leaving the cute phase and is entering a whole nother phase. What that phase it I have no clue. I do think that it's normal to some degree for a child to start changing at a certain age. To start to push the boundaries more then they used to.
Has anybody else gone through this with their bios or steps?
He told DH last night that he doesn't want to come back over for DH's week with him because he has to go to bed early Monday night because he wasn't following the morning time rules yesterday when it comes to getting ready for school. I don't have time for him pulling the I do what I want thing in the mornings. I have to make it to work on time and both SD(7) and BD 8 don't need to be late because he decided that instead of coming to eat breafast he was just going to sit on his bed watching cartoons. He knows the rules and he knows what will happen if he breaks them. Of course DH is heart broken when SS tells him these things and deosn't want to follow through on the punishment. He'll back me on it but I can tell he doesn't agree with it.
Is is normal at this age to start to turn in to a little butt that won't listen, doesn't want to follow the rules, says horrible things, and is constantly pushing the boundaries?
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Whether its normal or not I
Whether its normal or not I don't know. But my skids went through the same change around 5yrs old, and they are still disrespectful little a-holes who don't listen. That was the begining of the end for any relationship between me and them.
I've ask my mom and none of my siblings or me went through that. I've asked my friends with older kids... None of theirs did it either. I think its some quirk to step kids from broken homes. They feel they have more power because they have somewhere to run. They have an adult that validated their feelings (yes, your dad is mean bunny, is never do that to you), and they already haves concept that rules aren't absolute since mom and dads house have different rules, so they must be negociable and changeable.
Kids from intact homes have a consistancy of rules and discipline that I think that it doesn't occur to them as young to challenge them in that way. And when they do start to challenge the rules, they are older and understand consiquences a lot better, and have no choice but to conform since there's no second home to run to.
I've come to feel that broken homes truly do F a kid up on a fundamental level.
I don't deal with this crap
I don't deal with this crap from my BD but then again I have her 100% percent of the time. She would never just ignore an adult when asked to do something or break a rule because nobody is around.
The other two on the other hand is a competely different story. Neither of them can remember a rule to save their life. (Which I know is complete BS. They just don't give a sh!t.)
I came into the picture when SD was five so I never got to see her cute phase and I'm actually not sure if she ever had one.
I really don't want this to be the beginning of the end with SS. I really hope he's just going through a temporary butt phase. But then again this is when BM was able to start PASing SD against DH. Who knows. With how his behavior has changed recently maybe she's pulling her BS again.
Idk if it helps but my bd5
Idk if it helps but my bd5 stb 6 next month has developed a very defiant steak lately, I have her 95% of the time but I have noticed a change in her attitude. All I can do is be consistent with punishments and since she doesn't go to her dads often (his choice) its not that hard. But I do think its somewhat normal for the age.
I wasn't aware that
I wasn't aware that stepchildren had a 'cute' phase. SD has always been an icky little monster with a heart of gravel and soul darker than the depths of space... Alas, I am sure there is a cute stepchild out there somewhere....In freaking Narnia....
That's just my opinion anyway...
I was thinking the same
I was thinking the same thing, they MIGHT get a little cuter when CS stops and they become self-sufficient!! And maybe move about 2000 miles a way would be nice too!!
^ this
^ this
I think this may be the
I think this may be the exception, but SS3 is much cuter now than he use to be. He use to be a screaming insane mess. Now that he can talk his temper tantrums have decreased. I think DH getting much more strict with him has also helped.
SS6 is also quite a bit cuter, to me, than he use to be. I met him at 2 and he was extremely sullen and whiny. He still has his sullen moments, but most of the time he is much more animated and energetic than he use to be.
I attribute most of these changes to decreased time with BM. Every time we get them back after one of her weekends, they are back to their old selves = whiny, throwing tantrums, sullen, etc.
You may want to track when these issues happen. You might find out they are much more closely related to BM than to age or any other factor.
Just a thought.
That thought has deffinitly
That thought has deffinitly crossed my mind. It wouldn't shock me if she is pulling her PAS BS that she pulled on SD. SS was to little when she started with SD a couple of years ago but he's now at the age of where, "that big bad mean SM or daddy. Mommy would never do that to you. Here's some hugs and kisses. Would you like some candy." will start to work on him.
Buy some books on child
Buy some books on child development; try the "Love and Logic" series, those are great. When kids hit elementary school age they go through a lot of developmental changes; temper tantrums and screaming are not among them. There are books out there on positive disipline that will help you, as well. Talk to someone you know who has older kids, talk to a counselor, talk to his teachers, reach out. Screaming and tantrums are not normal behaviour and in a child that age it is usually a reflection of a major change, a trauma, insecurity... any number of things. But no, tantrums and screaming are not a part of his personality or a developmental phase.
Well BM told DH a couple of
Well BM told DH a couple of weeks ago that she was kicking her husband of almost a year out and wanted a divorce. I don't think she has followed threw with it or if she even will but there might be some issues going on over at her house between her DH and herself.
He could very well be
He could very well be responding to the tension over there. I know ss8 acts differently if dh and i are on the outs. Kids are extremely perceptive.
Lol. God that must suck. I
Lol. God that must suck. I don't think I could handle it at that age.