Hmmmmm, I would smell a rat, I'm afraid, especially if you have a long history of bad BM behaviour before this....

All pally and bfs ??? I would be wondering if my BM was looking for me to be a bf or to be her bi* ch !!!

Good Luck !!!

I don't think it's weird that you're nervous at all. I think that our guts give us feelings for good reason.

I think that inviting her into your home, especially given the past differences between the two of you combined with the fact that your SO won't be there, invites her to stomp on boundaries that leave you vulnerable.

Not only are you bringing her into your home, but you're bringing her into a circle of your friends...people I assume you turn to for support when times are difficult. That's too close, IMO.

Oh my.... tread very, very carefully!!

No its not. Bm is happy with the new guy. As long as she is happy every thing will be ok. But if they break up look out because it may all change. I have seen that happen alot to the girls on this site. Chances are Bm won't stay long at your party either, shes probably making plans to go out with the BF. Don't put to much into what she sayes or how nice she is being because you may get your feeling hurt. Also never tell he anything you don't want misspoken, or told to anyone else. Beware!!!

Honestly, I see this as a positive thing. The more common ground you can work out the better in the long run.

Obviously keep your guard up and don't say anything that could be thrown back at you later, but if you two can develop a genuine repoir, then your life will be so much easier. There are a few posters on here with fantastic relationships with their kids s tepmoms and it works out wonderfully for everyone, especially the kids. If you have the opportunity to be in that situation, then is take it.

You are on your home turf, surrounded by your friends.... So its not.like she's trying to ambush you. Just start slow and see how it all turn out.

I think it is wonderful that you are able to see things from her perspective and maintain a decent relationship with her. There will still be boundaries there but this is so much better than the alternative. I am involved in the same thing as a BM, with my kids' SM. It takes a lot of thinking through what to go along with and what to say no to. We are friends on Facebook, and other than my kids and XH we have very little in common. Her views on politics, child rearing, etc. are a direct opposite of mine. She does not like certain things i do with my kids, i do not like many things she does with them. But then again, there are things i do like, and i say so - on Facebook. She took them on a Diabetes Awareness walk this past weekend, and posted about their team finishing first - i posted a cheery comment.

We do not talk about my ex at all, other than she likes to mention how much she loves him... i think he is very lucky to have her, but i am really not interested in him at all. I love my ex-MIL and she loves me and my kids, so i think their SM is jealous but so what... i have known MIL for 20 years now, she is a saint and a wonderful grandmother.

So good luck to you... do not go too far too soon... pace yourself... this is a road worth traveling, in my opinion, but with caution.

Know that we only warn caution because many of us have had good intentions & have extended the olive branch, only to have it ripped from our hands to be whipped with it in return.

I can't tell you the number of times I've tried to be the bigger person, understanding & empathetic...putting myself in the shoes of a woman trying to cope with her children being under the roof of another mother-figure...& had BM "put me in my place" as a result.

She'd nuzzle her way in, crying about how life is hard, gain my trust & then knock me right back down...like a game.

I finally got it. We don't fight because we don't speak. I've learned (after being humiliated one too many times) that me being on speaking terms with BM isn't required for DH to be a good dad.

I am kinda like this with BM. But we don't hang out... like with our friends around and stuff. It makes life a lot easier. Although we have done lunch several times... we do sit next to each other at baseball games ETC.

This is great for you if she is being honest.

As for me, BM has tried to hold conversations with me, but I have always kept a distance from her. She tried to make us a "team" against DH, and pretend that I understood he was a POS. She tried to talk to me professionally, like she knows so much about so much. She tried to intimidate me with her snide jokes before, too. I just don't let her in.

For me, it's not so much that she's a bitch to my face, because she'd probably love to get me to hang out on her steps with her, or bar hop and have a few beers. My problem is that I will NEVER trust her. If she joined a convent, I'd be wondering what was in it for her.

With such extreme past behaviors, and the histories of these BM's, I don't see any reason to throw caution to the wind.

If you're doing some "evidence collecting", fine, but just make sure you don't say much of anything in the process. Let her do the talking.

You are a bigger person than I. I can't see me and BM hanging out at ALL. I try not to speak to her, or be around her. We are nothing alike.

My bio kids stepmom...well she's fantastic and I respect her a great deal and I love how she cares about my kids. I also never ever take advantage of her. She lives several states away, and if she asks to see them (which she does) then I'm all for it. But I NEVER ask her to take them, ever. But we are not BFFs and we would never 'hang out'. I like our relationship the way it is and I do not want to screw it up by trying to be friends. She is my ex's wife before anything.

I'd be careful if I were you. Keep the conversation about non husband, non kid things. Don't give her ammo!