Sleeping in my son's bed
My son went to his dad's for the weekend and my SO has his 2 boys (3 & 5) all weekend. Last night after work, I went home knowing it was going to be loud chaos, as it always is when those 2 knuckleheads are there. So I went home and camped out in my room watching TV and then I took a bath. When I finally emerged from my hideaway, I walked past my son's room and the 2 boys were in my son's bed in my son's brand new jammies. The room was a disaster. Everything was pulled off the shelves. Clothes were hanging out of the dresser. I about flipped my lid. Just so we're clear, they all just moved into my 2 bedroom apartment so my SO's kids don't have their own room yet, we are moving into a bigger house soon. My SO just bought them fun Cars sleeping bags to camp out in in the living room. They don't have toys at my house or anything of their own, just clothes. I was so irritated by that because I feel like that's my son's room and I just spent a ton of money buying him a new bedset and decorations. He also has brand new monster truck bedding that he LOVES. I work hard for everything my son has and I don't mind letting the other kids play with his stuff. But really? His jammies in his bed?
SO THEN... in the middle of the night, the 3 year old comes into our room crying because he had WET THE BED. I was too tired to do anything about it then cuz I had to be up at 4:30. I realize little kids wet the bed, that's not the problem. I wasn't mad at him, I'm about the fact that he shouldn't be in my son's bed in the first place.
I had one kid and I work hard to provide everything for him. I am frustrated because these other kids just act like its their shit to destroy. It's not my fault my SO pays $600 a month in CS and can't afford their own jammies. That doesn't mean my son needs to share his.
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That is rough. I could
That is rough. I could understand them being allowed to play with your sons toys, respectfully. Your SO should be there to make sure they are respecting the household and correcting them when they are not. They should not be allowed to sleep and wet your sons bed.
have a conversation with your SO about your sons space. It is after all his room and belongings. He should then talk to his kids about it and then continue to monitor them to make sure they are respecting the household
Thank you! It is rough...
Thank you! It is rough... they are so young and they don't understand. So it is up to my SO to teach them. I don't know how to bring up the sleeping without sounding like a major selfish b*tch! After all, my son lives there all the time, that is his home. If other people were sleeping in my bed and going through my clothes when I'm not there, I would be mad about it. Hopefully he sees it my way.
I know he will do that for
I know he will do that for sure by the time I get home from work! He better anyway!
Where did he live before
Where did he live before moving in with you?
I cant believe he didn't bring at least one of their beds when he moved in with you.
If he can't afford pjs, how can he afford to let you live rent free when he purchases the new house.
Heck, how can he even afford a house?
He can afford PJs, I just
He can afford PJs, I just dont think he thinks to put them on his kids. Also, they both were sleeping in toddler beds at his old house, which was the lower half of his friends house. The 2 toddler beds are in storage at his mom's because a) we don't have room for them and b) because they are too big for the beds.
He does make enough for me to live 'rent free' but he just doesn't spend money on Jammies I guess.
So his sons gets sleeping
So his sons gets sleeping bags on the floor, no jammies, and no toys.
As a mother, this is OK with you???
I'd NEVER have allowed a child to live like that in my home.
It says dh and skids moved
It says dh and skids moved into HER two bedroom apartment..So do they expect her to change HER sons sleeping arrangements for the comfort of skids? Hell fucking no..
Tina, that is. Your sons house, and your house..put a lock on your sons door, don't even let them touch his things, once they touch something its theirs! I feel bad for you already letting these kids step all over you and abuse your sons belongings!
As a parent, I think that was
As a parent, I think that was a dumb move.
He moved from a home where both of his kids had beds. He now lives in a home where he, the woman he loves and her kid all have bed, but his kids sleep on the floor.
They sleep on the couch, in
They sleep on the couch, in the sleeping bags. Better than being in the cramped little toddler beds they were in.
Buying new beds and staying
Buying new beds and staying in the old home until December would have been better.
Ding, ding, ding!!! Being a
Ding, ding, ding!!!
Being a (good) parent means putting your child(ren)'s NEEDS ahead of your WANTS. This BF failed that test of character, and OP is gonna be shocked as hell when he fails others.
Sigh.
I didn't say no toys, they
I didn't say no toys, they can play with my sons toys as long as they don't break them like they have done in the past. They usually put their sleeping bags on the couch, not the floor. and it's not like they sleep naked, they wear clothes to bed.
I don't see anything wrong with the sleeping arrangements because it's temporary. I just don't think it's ok that they wear (and pee ) in my son's clothes and sleep in his bed.
You said they have no toys at
You said they have no toys at your house. I parroted that back.
These kids are treated like bastard stepchildren, and I cannot understand how a mother can allow such small children to be treated this way.
Really, though, it's on your SO. He's the one who chose living with his GF over taking care of his sons. HE should have made sure that his sons would have what the needed before he hopped into your apartment.
If you ever have kids with this man and it doesn't work out, would you be ok with YOUR child living like this?
If it were me, no way. So...I treated my steps how I would want MY kids treated in their other parent's home.
Thank you! Couldn't have said
Thank you! Couldn't have said it better myself, God knows I've been trying.
And they were brand new PJ's
And they were brand new PJ's mind you, my son had not even worn them yet. And he probably won't now. I don't buy used clothes for a reason. I don't think my son should be getting someone's hand me downs that someone else has pissed in.
"Really, though, it's on your
"Really, though, it's on your SO"
That's a QUOTE from my statement.
Perhaps you skimmed what I wrote, or didn't bother to read it at all.
I happen to think the bunghole in this is the BF, NOT the OP.
They had a box of toys at
They had a box of toys at their dad's, but for whatever reason, I think that ended up in storage as well.
Listen SAF, you're making it sound like he doesn't give a crap about his kids and what they want or need and instead putting me first. So not the case. They are being taken care of. The ONLY thing is they don't have the toddler beds they didn't even fit in in the first place. They didn't have a ton of shit at their dad's before they moved in with me. They didn't LOSE anything by moving in, if that makes it more clear.
In the end, in a few weeks we will be in a different house with more bedrooms so everyone will have their own rooms! Plus we will buy them their own beds, and I have decorating plans for each of their rooms as well.
No, I'm making it sounds like
No, I'm making it sounds like your BF is putting HIMSELF first, because that is exactly what he's done.
A man like that would never be attractive to me. If you've got a lousy father of an ex, you should know what I'm talking about.
BF should not have moved in
BF should not have moved in if there was no room for his kids. I understand they should not be destroying your son's stuff and if there is bedwetting they SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED to sleep in your BS's bed. That is a no-brainer.
How soon are you all moving the new "big" house?
I do agree to a certain degree with others who said it is not an appropriate living situation for the skids. DAD dropped the ball on that one for sure!
Probably they did move in too
Probably they did move in too soon. They moved in Oct. 1. We are moving December 1st. 4 bedrooms so that should work out. The skids and my boy play with toys together, i'm not saying they can't play with his toys. The only thing they don't have is real beds, which they didn't have before they moved in with me anyway. I guess the 3 year old had a toddler bed, but he barely fit in it, same with the 5 year old. If we were not moving, I would definitely be more accomodating with them.
Stick to your boundaries
Stick to your boundaries until you move. Skids not allowed to wear BS clothes/pj's. NO SLEEPING in his bed that's for sure. Toys??? Well put the real special ones away when BS is not home and Skids are there - that way no arguing or worrying about BS's good stuff. I hope this helps! I am glad you guys are moving soon.
Just went through the same
Just went through the same thing with my SO wanting his son ro sleep in my son's bed aince he was staying with a friend I was firm with my NO SO got an attitude but I wasn't budging his son has a kids foam couch that folds out to a bed. My point was proven as his kid wet the bed (it's rare but it happens) just one of the reasons I will continue to say no, plus the fact his dd has has lice frequently and bed bug bites. I wash all bedding everyday when they are here. His kids will never sleep in mine.
Glad I'm not alone!! What
Glad I'm not alone!! What should I say and how should I bring it up to him?? I don't want another night to go by with those dirty rats in my son's new bed??
Be honest and blunt. They
Be honest and blunt. They will not sleep in your son's bed thety will not wear his clothes. He will provide those and enforce those rules or you will lock your sons room when they are present. If he doesn't like it tough, don't worry about his fee fees worry about your son's when he finds out his bed was pissed in.
Xtina, you have a right to be
Xtina, you have a right to be angry. However this is something that will repeat itself. These little boys moved in with their Dad's g/friend and brought... what? What did they bring to bridge the transition? Anything? A box of cars? Anything they can call their own? Yet they were expected to just fall in with their father's living arrangements because he wants to live with you and play mothers and fathers? Wouldn't you call that selfish? How would you feel if your son's father did the same to him?
I find it odd that you are full of decorating ideas for their new bedrooms yet have no problems with them not having their own small box of toys and a pair of PJs even if you get them from Goodwill. Be the better preson. GO out, buy the boys their OWN toys (after all, your son has his own toys) and a pair of PJs from Goodwill. Then they can have their own space.
Consider this. These boys will have moved 2x in 3 months. Grandmas/Xtinas/Newplace.
Also be aware that they may not want to settle into their own rooms if they have been sharing sleeping space for the past few months. You won't be able to just tell them they have to sleep apart.
Or the alternative is to tell your SO that he needs to be a good father and buy his sons some sleepwear. Also some toys and a few books to call their own.
Xtina
This is the best comment I have seen yet. Hopefully being the bigger person works for you. It didn't for me. I am in the same senator as you. My SO has three children 4 days out of the month and every other weekend. With nothing. SO asked for so many items to be split and brought over and BM didn't. Which idc I guess she shouldn't have to. SO should be buying new. Anyway, I went out and took the three of them shopping throughout the first 6 months or so. I never got anything back. So everything I bought is still at BMs because SO let them bring their stuff. I get that it is theirs but they also need belongings at SO's. So to me it shows he really doesn't care how their lifestyle is with us. Set boundaries!!!! Make sure you witness your SO setting the boundaries! I agree with how you feel in this situation honestly I would be reacting the same way you are. Idc how harsh I am. Because when it comes down to it push and shove SO would be reacting the same way. If your BS broke something of his kids he probably wouldn't be very happy. Especially if he was the one cleaning it up all the time.
Xtina, you have a right to be
Xtina, you have a right to be angry. However this is something that will repeat itself. These little boys moved in with their Dad's g/friend and brought... what? What did they bring to bridge the transition? Anything? A box of cars? Anything they can call their own? Yet they were expected to just fall in with their father's living arrangements because he wants to live with you and play mothers and fathers? Wouldn't you call that selfish? How would you feel if your son's father did the same to him?
I find it odd that you are full of decorating ideas for their new bedrooms yet have no problems with them not having their own small box of toys and a pair of PJs even if you get them from Goodwill. Be the better preson. GO out, buy the boys their OWN toys (after all, your son has his own toys) and a pair of PJs from Goodwill. Then they can have their own space.
Consider this. These boys will have moved 2x in 3 months. Grandmas/Xtinas/Newplace.
Also be aware that they may not want to settle into their own rooms if they have been sharing sleeping space for the past few months. You won't be able to just tell them they have to sleep apart.
Or the alternative is to tell your SO that he needs to be a good father and buy his sons some sleepwear. Also some toys and a few books to call their own.
I am going back and rereading
I am going back and rereading these posts trying to find some advice on how to approach this subject, because it is my SO's week with his son starting tonight. When they left last Monday and I finally picked up my son's room, it was torn up to shit. BOOKS had pages ripped out, there were book pages everywhere. Stuff was broken, there juice stains on the bed. I want to tell my SO that his kids are not allowed to be in my son's room while they are at our house, but how should I say it?? I was in tears last Monday picking up my son's room. Our special books that we read together were fucked up, his sound machine that helps him sleep had juice spilled in it. I don't want that to happen again.