I want a tougher skin and a more observant DH
If you follow me, you know that I feel that the skids can’t stand me but they put on an act around DH so I’m the one who looks crazy if I say anything. They won’t even answer me if I talk to them when DH is out of the room. I would video it or something but no matter what I know that DH will never believe the precious angels do anything wrong. With that being said....I went with DH to a school function yesterday. I’m really starting to hate all of this. I just wish I didn’t care. At the end SD18 ignored me again. She talked to everyone and I just stood there. I gave her ample time this time before I finally said hey and hugged her. Then DH takes all his pics with her. He calls me into one and he wants her in the middle. They are all hugged up and I’m just standing there. I put my arm around her but to me it was so obvious. She just lets her arm on my side hang. Another thing, BM is there. BM doesn’t spreak to me either but will talk or carry on with DH. I’m sure that she is why the skids are the way they are. They were better in the beginning but getting worse in time. I have great instincts. I know BM talks behind our backs to the skids. I’ve caught them in a lot of lies of things BM has had them lie about like SD had her senior pics posted all over social media. DH kept asking SD for a copy and she kept saying they didn’t have them yet. Yes DH believed SD over me because she wouldn’t lie!!! Hello! If you post them on social media, you can text your dad a copy! Well mom had made her lie because she wanted more money out of DH for him to get a copy. Anyway, with that being said, that kind of crap goes on. Last night DH actually made a comment about how BM is being nice and talk to us at these events. How in the heck does the man not notice that I’m like an invisible person at these events?????? He’s actually even taking up for BM. It’s like if he gets attention he’s happy and doesn’t even notice that I’m standing there like a 5th wheel. It sucks. I’m tired of the crap. I’m not part of the big happy family. I want a tougher skin where I wish I could be there to support DH and say to heck with everyone else. This is my life. I’m stuck with it. I want to know how to make the best of it.
- Happycamper's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
How is your presence at these
How is your presence at these events "supporting" your husband? I only ask because that's what I told myself I was doing when I would go places just to be ignored. I stopped going places or doing anything for his rude teens.
It's your life. Make the best of it by spending your time doing things you like with people who like you.
because her DH is a dick. If
because her DH is a dick. If she doesn't "support" his kids, then he throws little snit fit tantrums and whines about how she doesn't like his kids. All the while he can't be bothered with HER kids and throws more snit fit tanturms on the rare occasion that she asks he support her kids. OPs DH has her in a double bind... she will NEVER be able to please him.
Meanwhile his SD18 is sitting on his lap and stoking his chest and wrapping her legs around him in some freakish display of daddy daughter creepiness.
You’ve got it! He wants
You’ve got it! He wants everyone, including me to dote over his kids. He always makes a comment if BM’s boyfriend doesn’t show up for an event. They aren’t engaged or anything. I don’t blame the guy at all for not going. DH sits with me and talk to me the whole time but I’m suddenly invisible when the crew all comes together. He even left last night, and called SD immediately and talked on the phone till he had to go to sleep. Geez.
I was in your position. I
I was in your position. I slowly started to disengage and have now just stopped engaging at all.
Don't participate in anything to do with skids or BM. You married your husband not his ex or disrespectful kids. Enjoy him. Block them.
I just said in my blog - I am no longer a SM. I am just the better half of my SO and it has been great!
I wish it were that easy. I
I wish it were that easy. I’ve disengaged with the cooking, etc but he is so adamant that we have to be at all of their activities. Last night they announced three more things coming up and he was so excited. Ugh! I rarely post pics of skids on my social media. I actually have them all blocked because BM would see us go on a trip or something and all of a sudden she wants more money. I try to keep them out of my business so my social media is for me with my family and my kids. Now this is a whole other subject but we will run into DH’s family and they will mention oh we saw SD18 on FB and gwwas dress was beautiful! His family still follows his ex which I think is weird. I then get the why don’t you post my kids on your social media? I’m like you. I want to relinquish that SM title and just be a wife to DH.
If that's how you are treated
If that's how you are treated when you attend an event. I wouldn't go! Simple as that. Save yourself the hurt.
I am sorry that you are going
I am sorry that you are going through this. Your DH needs to make his brats respect you and if you feel left out going to events with your DH then just tell him how you feel and why you don't want to be there. If it was me I sure as hell wouldn't be anywhere around where BM could be close to me.
Oh, girl, I SO get it! Being
Oh, girl, I SO get it! Being that extra wheel that no one needs is bad; your husband not adding his wheel to yours is even worse!
You're not crazy.
I predict you'll eventually get to the point that I did -- not being around any of them and enduring the long lonely day while your husband is with them. There are some perks to it -- being alone has not been nearly as awful for me as standing there like a chump while they all ignore me, including my oblivious husband.
There are no more fights about why my husband didn't stick up for me, why he abandoned me, or how he couldn't hear SD's obvious dig at me. And I'm no longer there for them to ignore, which I think really gave SD pleasure. Now it's just a day with her dad without the secondary sport of making me feel awful.
It took me a long time to make the break and disengage. And I'm not sure how it will play out in the long run -- certainly a family funeral and other events I can't avoid will be more awkward because I am disengaged for so long. But I don't have those days when I feel absolutely crazy from a simple dinner with SD and husband and I fight much less about SD because now there is an understanding that I won't be involved. I took control of how I would be treated -- it's MY choice to avoid SD and not put myself in a position for SD to ignore and humiliate me. I took control and said NO MORE. And that feels pretty good when the alternative was days like the one you described.
I hope there's a breakthrough for you with his family. But if there's not, there's always taking control and not being part of it.
Ugh, I really dislike your DH
Ugh, I really dislike your DH. And I think your analogy of being the 5th wheel is way off... he treats you more like the 55th wheel. I really don't have any advice because no matter what you say or do, he's not going to change. I guess I'll just offer you hugs
Thanks for the hugs!!!!!
Thanks for the hugs!!!!!
Very tough spot to be in.
Very tough spot to be in.
I’m not a quiet person, I’m very chatty and will talk to anyone and everyone. So when I get quiet it’s very noticeable.
Now my skids are great, I have no problem with them. They talk to me and they are lovely people. BM however, not so much.
BM used to make a big deal out of saying hi to DH and Gma/Gpa but never a word to me. She would dominate the conversation, of course it was all about her or the old days when the skids were small, I wouldn’t say a word until someone spoke to me directly. It was actually very freeing. I could observe all the phoniness, happy back in the day bs and was honestly happy to not be part of it.
MIL noticed right away and I told her, I’m not saying a word until I’m included. It was MIL who got DH to notice. She sort of did the same, she doesn’t really engage with BM, so BM is standing there blathering on and on while we just look at her. It becomes uncomfortable, we smile and walk away.
Part of it not bothering me also came from the other parents at the events. They liked me, they talked to me, they made me feel included. BM would come and try to insert herself in the conversation, I’d go quiet and the other parents would follow my lead. BM would quickly move on.
STOP GOING, HC! Listen, are
STOP GOING, HC! Listen, are you a strong and powerful woman or a doormat? You do not have to go to these events. These are not your children and they don't like you and you don't like them (because of how bad they act.) Just stop going.
"DH, I love you and I am so glad to have you in my life. However, I am not going to attend your children's events anymore. I love how much you love them. I love how involved you are and I would never discourage you from going. They are great (gag!) kids, but they are looking for love and support from you and their mom. They don't want or need me at their events. And that is ok. We can all love you and be a part of your family without being together continuously. I hope you understand how much I love and care for you and that I believe not going to these events will strengthen our relationship."
End of story. No asking. No permission required. Just say, "I am not going anymore. I love you. You are my best friend. So glad you are mine. But I am not going."