What is it about their personalities that you dislike?  I can comiserate a little bit because my OSD was a bit of an odd egg child (think Tuesday Adams)... she wasn't very open or communicative and she frankly made me a bit uncomfortable.  I don't know.. I would have preferred outright bad behavior at times.

But, if it's actions that they are doing.. you can try to help them change that.  Nothing will change the total fact that some kids are annoying.. but if you can keep repeating to yourself that it's "not their fault" if they have a certain personality.. maybe you can just limit your interraction a bit and look forward to them flying free from the nest.

I get along with my skids but not with SIL so much.

I love her but she’s just not my people. I don’t really enjoy time spent with her. She tends to talk over me or start a conversation with someone else when I’m talking to her. As with your skids, I don’t really like her personality.

Shes not a bad person, she’s just not someone I would choose to spend time with if we weren’t related. As it is I encourage DH to spend time with her without me. 

I tend to only hang out with her when there’s a large family gathering. I wouldn’t meet up with her for lunch or shopping or anything like that. 

My experience with  XOSD was one of frustration and constant discord. I could never figure it out. I am good at getting on with people, but occasionally have come up against people with whom I couldn't get on no matter how I tried. My way of dealing with this was to have as little to do with these people I felt were drains on my energy. I felt like this all along with XOSD, so much so that when my X said she said these things about me, I told him that was how I felt about her. Finally we had something in common! Mutual dislike. My idea was to disengage and let her life her life and vice versa- but the X couldn't cope with this for reasons he never explained. We are now no longer a couple- how very sad but there you are. These things cannot be forced- best to accept them for what they are... none of us can like everyone all the time. That sort of thing belongs to robots, not human beings.

I don't like my SD13 - everything about her personality clashes with my values and if I came across an adult with her traits I would never have them in my life - although funny enough BM has all the same traits too and I have no choice but to have her in my life as well

On one level I know life is tough for SD – she has a lot of challenges ie diagnosed ADD and possibly also aspergers or at the very least some significant emotional limitations. However, over-exposure tends to erode empathy over time and when she makes my day-to-day life (and we have 50% custody) so hard and unenjoyable I really struggle to barely tolerate her, let alone feel sorry for her.

To give you an idea of how much we clash, the things I highly value are:

Honesty; organisation, independence, accountability, respect for other people and their property and good communication.

Most of what SD13 says is either a gross exaggeration or outright lies – if she doesn’t know the answer to something she makes it up instead of saying she doesn’t know. As a result of her ADD she is extremely disorganised and as a result of her asperger type symptoms she has no empathy for others and struggles to articulate herself and clearly communicate. She’s also very needy and takes no initiative to figure stuff out for herself and needs to be around people almost 100% of the time. She knows she irritates everyone but she refuses to give anyone space when they need it because her needs come first ALWAYS. She takes what she wants around the house (doesn’t matter who it belongs to) and doesn't care about the impact of her actions on others.

In short – SD is a clone of BM and it’s very, very, very hard having to deal with two people like that in your life on such a regular basis.

The only hope I have is that SD will not turn out as badly as BM as we are getting her professional help and she also sees that there is another way to do things and act when at our house. Over the last year we have seen some improvements in her behaviour that bring hope so I can only hope that will continue.

However, you can’t fundamentally change a person and I suspect I will never really like my SD much as she will always have far too many personality traits that I just don’t like or respect.

The reality is that annoying kids are very hard to like, let alone love unless they are your own biological child and that's one of the toughest things about being a step-parent.

Yep. 

In this exact same boat. Skids are fine, I guess. But they're kind of dumb...too loud about everything. YSD uses annoying slang and dresses like a pile of laundry. Always looks greasy and gross. SS is spacey and clueless but acts like he knows everything. 

OSD I'm convinced was an outright psychopath growing up and I absolutely hated her whereas the other two just annoyed me, like you, about 75-80% of the time. (For OSD...Tuesday Adams like one commenter above stated...but on crack. Cutting, bulimia, bullying her younger siblings, making the whole house walk on eggshells due to her emotional terrorism.) Ironically, OSD seems to have come through all that OK and is now just kind of quiet and shy, expressing genuine gratitude for the things we do for her while the younger two seem entitled. Weird that I should be able to tolerate her the best now, compared to when they were younger.

So, yeah. I get it. My skids are all fine. Just your average young adults, really. And they all annoy the ever-loving starch out of me. 

80%?? You're lucky. I can't stand my FSD7's personality 99% of the time. There's been two times where she was decent. TWO. That's it. 

My SSs are entitled - they complain if we only do "one thing" in a weekend, because they expect to be entertained, ungrateful - for nearly all gifts they are given, they sort of shrug and then throw them in a closet, lazy - they each have between 5-7 assignments missing at school currently, a trend they have continued throughout the year, feel they don't have to take responsibility - whenever anything doesn't go their way or feels too hard, they have a fit and blame someone else. They act as if everything that happens to them (e.g. grades) is completely out of their control. BM feeds this belief by telling them that things are not their fault. If they get a bad grade, the teacher just doesn't like them. 

They are dead weight whenever we go anywhere - they can't be trusted to carry anything, remember anything, be responsible for themselves, be responsible for their things. They're 12, so I think they are old enough to start being responsible for themselves. 

They are required to do absolutely nothing when they are at our house - DH does not expect them to life a finger when they are with us. This one isn't necessarily their fault, but stil extremely bothersome. 

Finally, they are boring. Neither one has a hobby that he is really interested in. One SS plays golf, but doesn't try to learn about golf (he doesn't even know the rules even though he's played in several tournaments, at BM's insistence) and doesn't work to get better. The other one plays football and talks a lot about it, but doesn't actually work hard at it or try to learn about the game. They mostly sit and watch tv or watch YouTube when they are with us. It's like pulling teeth to try to have a conversation with them. 

If they were my kids, I'd honestly be pretty disappointed in them. Not to mention, I'd feel pretty slighted. In the time that I've known them, they haven't gotten DH a Father's Day card or present (last year, they signed a card that he bought and gave to them to sign, on Father's Day, three years ago, I asked them if they wanted help getting a gift and they said no), a birthday present (this year, I acted like the present was from all of us, but really, I decided on it and purchased it with no input from them), or a Christmas present. 

I admit it: I don't like SD17 and SD15 personalities. I only dislike 20% of SD12's personality. And I am only annoyed by the typical kids-drive-you-bonkers stuff from SS8 (although, he's a work in progress and who knows how he'll be in his teens). 

SD17 is suspected to have borderline personality disorder, so granted, most of her traits I dislike come from the disorder. She has a habit of lying (as in false accusations of abuse and other similar lies) but expects to be hugged, given rides anywhere and at anytime, to make her gourmet meals (even if she prefers eating junk food), etc. If someone is direct with her, that person is abusive and she will do something self-destructive guaranteed. The hourly mood-swings are just very tiring that to survive in the household I MUST disengage for hours or take as much time to myself so I don't become resentful of her presence (I already get anxious of what her mood will be like when she gets home). She's a good (hurt) kid the rest of the times, but... Lord, grant me patience. 

SD15 is diagnosed as bipolar II. Similar to SD17 in seeing discipline as abuse, and she won't hesitate calling the cops or DCF and manipulating the other smaller kids with lies (intentionally: key difference). I can list her positives, but at the end of the day, I just don't want to be around that stresspot either. I've been lucky I haven't been a target of SD17/SD15, and it's only because I had to disengage appropiately and set clear boundaries. 

SD12. The 20% I don't like: BO, lack of boundaries, can be unnecessarily bossy. Nice to be around with though. 

Oh yes, I certainly do dislike my stepkids' personalities the bulk of the time. They ALL talk back, they ALL lie, they ALL have attitudes of entitlement, ALL are screen junkies who can recite the facts of crap like Pokemon, Captain Underpants and Boss Baby chapter and verse but don't know the names of Sesame Street characters, and they ALL lack training in basic life skills such as washing hands, flushing the toilet, bathing, brushing teeth, table manners, etc.

Individually:

-SS9: bossy, manipulative, know-it-all, wantonly desructive and scarily non-empathetic.

-SD7: the most likable of the bunch, but still a big whiner and does lovely things like pee and poop in her pants and then hide her soiled underwear around the house. At 7.

-SS6: capital W whiner and crybaby. Openly picks his nose and eats it. Destroys everything in his path. Eats like a pig.

And what do I do about it? Cringe. Avoid. Thank the gods that they didn't come out of me.

In 7th Grade my SS's band instructor told  him "There is nothing appealing about you and if you don't get your behaviors under control there will neve be anything appealing about you."  It broke the kid's heart.  I applauded the instructor for making his point and making it well.  While his mom was not happy about the teacher's comments to SS she understood that SS needed someone other than his parents delivering the message.

After that, SS had several years of struggle to figure out who he wanted to be.  He had a great group of friends all associated with the band 8-10th grade.  At some point he hit a point where he was not sure that was who he wanted to be and the key friends that he wanted to focus on.  He joined a small group of edgier kids who were iffy at best and downright delenquent at worst.  We addressed that for a couple of months.  Ultimately that is a significant part of why he spent the next two school years at military school.  

Interestingly, he has no contact with the edgy group and stays in close contact with the band group friends that he was part of for 3 years.  Next year will be their 10th HS reunion.  He is planning on attending though he did not graduate from that HS.  His friends have always made sure that he was a part of their sepcial events.  He attended Sr. Prom with that group and did Spring break trips with them though he was not a student at that school.  The band Director was a big fan of my SS and they have remained in touch even though SS left that school after 10th grade.

It was a closely run thing as to whether or nor SS's personality would settle to be one that could be appreciated.  As it worked out, he is a good man, has a very dry sense of humor, and is a man of character who I enjoy spending time with and am proud ot have raised.  Even my parents, particularly my dad, likes him and there were a few years where my dad was not my SS's biggest fan.  The snarky, moody, brooding early teens were not good ones for anyone exposed to my Skid.

Bad behaviours aside, I just don't get on with skid's personality at all. She's the sort of person that I would avoid in any other circumstance. Even if she was a good kid it wouldn't change the fact that we have a huge personality clash.