You made the effort and it WAS a nice gesture. IMHO, her lack of response says she is not interested.

SD is a 22yo adult and he cannot make her do/say anything. Even if she's in the wrong or being immature (name spelling oops).

She's not worth getting upset. You don't have to spend time with her. Yay! Consider that a bonus. If your bf mentions her, reply with things like "mmhmm" or "that's nice" and immediately change the subject .

1st thing never extend an olive branch again.  She is only upset with you because you have some of her precious Daddy's time and affection.  Both of which she doesn't wish to share.

2 you have 2 choices you can become like the rest of us unhappy step mothers and stay with him and know this will always be this way, he will never stand up and she will never be nice.  Or run.  Find a man with balls and no mini wife and be happier.  If you really love him then you can stay but then you have to do step 3.

3. disengage, do not ask about her, do not care, do not include her, do not invite, do not do his Christmas shopping for him, remind him of her birthday, pick-up a gift for that birthday, and on and on as we nice women do.  She is dead to you from this day forward, she is his child with another woman let them have a relationship with her and you have a relationship with him.  Don't do things with them and if she comes over I leave, go to the movies, read a book whatever to tune out Princess and her crap.  You have to develop strategies to not get caught in their dysfunction, it was there before you and is not about you.

Good Luck you are going to need it becasue you have a Disney Dad, with no balls, and a mini-wife.

chose wisely...if I had it to do over I'd just be single.

You win. You made an effort which she rejected. Now you never have to speak to her again. You can just pretend like she doesn’t exist.   Tell your BF to not even mention her name to you. 

You  will never win. I thought about having a heart to heart with my XOSD, but so glad I didn't. They will never see your side, and even if you do the right thing they will not see it that way- hence her finding an excuse to criticise you (getting that name wrong played right into her hands). Like many have said- you have to find ways of getting her out of your head and concentrating on your own life. In the end I left, it is always an option.

 I  understand what it is like to have a horrible adult stepdaughter who does everything to antagonise you and cause trouble, who is constantly rude and disrespectful when you have done nothing  of the same sort to her - I get that part. Been there done that. So I understand that aspect.

What I dont understand is you trying to control the behaviour of others - 1) how SD must react, that she must accept a clean slate from you and 2) being mad at your DH because he wont get mad at SD on your behalf. This is not particularly rational or mature. 

It is a big step from you to put out the olive branch - that I admire and commend. Shows that you may be the bigger and better person here, hoping for some normalcy in family life. However, you dont get to demand that SD accept that or be prepared to do the same. She is her own person with her own reasons (legitimate or not) for ignoring you. If she doesnt want anything to do with you, respect that. Do the same and ignore her.

It is also unreasonable to expect your husband to dance to your tune on what you want. What did his daughter tell him? Must he be pulled into a conflict between you two and escalate it to make you happy? So that it satisfies your emotional need to get one up on SD? Uh..No this doesnt exactly square with putting out an olive branch when you have an intention to escalate things when they dont go your way.

You know, I understand the frustration and anger you feel. If you knew what my STBX-SD was like your hair would stand on end... But my SD and your SD IS NOT WORTH IT. Please dont let this get to you. It only causes you upset - and you can not win. It is a pointless battle. Let it go. Leave this girl alone and ignore her. Accept that she is not worth your time and energy and certainly not worth a fight with your husband.

She really isnt worth it! Focus on your marriage. Focus on your husband. Focus on you. Let her shenanigans float over you and dont care. She can not get to you if you dont care.

As much as it stings, over and over again; this selfish woman just did YOU a huge favor. Now, the relationship can be fully over and you tried your best, even when it was not deserving in the first place.  You have no guilt to feel now regardless of whom tries to direct their family dysfunction at you. Ignore her, have nothing to do with her, and do not ever mention her or talk about her again.  The longer you do it, the easier it gets (though never perfect), if you can protect yourself from the sickness, you can be happy again.

If you are not married or invested a lot of time in this relationship, look again at goodwitch's #2.....many of us wish we had picked up on the red flags years before they came to light. At least the ugly signals are coming in to you now-- before marriage.

You did it! What a great position to be in!

Your olive branch not only showed exactly who your SD is as a person but by her forwarding it on to Daddy, showed him as well. 

You are free! 

No more SD. You can fully disengage. You are dads wife only. That is HIS daughter and she wants nothing to do with you. No more fake smiles, shared events, visits or contact. And that is HER choice. 

Honestly I would LOVE to be in your position

You made an effort to get along with SD. The fact SD forwarded the message to daddy shows how immature she is. She could of responded to the message or not responded at all. Sending it to daddy and complaining about the name spelled wrong is rude and immature. 

Your bf did mention to her to think about responding back to her, which tells me he is trying.

She sounds just like my disrespectful rude adult SD who does things like that. Look at it on the positive side, you no longer have to deal with SD's rudeness and communicate with her. At family functions just ignore her and don't let her get to you. 

If she does badmouth you or show disrespect in front of your BF, he needs to be the one to deal with her, as it is his daughter and he should expect nothing less than to have the person he loves be treated at least with respect, as any good man would. The fact she is an adult has nothing to do with having any family member treat you respectfully. If someone off the street was rude to you, would he just sit there and allow it keep happening?

You tried and SD has shown she is not going to be respectful of your relationship at this time. Ignore her.

As others have stated, I would look at this lack of reciprocation as a positive thing. 

You apologized. She didn’t acknowledge it and chose to ignore you. Fine. Door closed. Move on with dating her dad and be thankful you aren’t married (yet), hitching your wagon to this girl. Let it go. You aren’t the 22 year old butthead whisperer.

I understand how you feel. I tried several times to extend the olive branch to my SD and a few times it seemed to take and work. I told SD how much easier it is to be friends and she agreed. I told her how relieved I was that we could finally just be good to each other. In a weak moment, she apologized for how she treated me and I told her, "It's all forgotten. Let's move on." I told her that someday, we'd likely need each other when her dad is ailing. But in the long run, it didn't last. The only way it could last is for me to accept her uneven behavior, her "seduction and rejection" of me and all her little slights along the way.

You did a good thing -- it could have been good for both of you, but she chose not to take that opportunity. So now it's just good for you. You know you tried and her rejection means you can stop trying.

Down the pike, she might come around. If nothing else, she also knows you tried, so her ill treatment of you won't come as easily to her as it did -- she will pay the price of deep-down knowing she's being petty and childish. That's her cross to bear.

As for your husband, this is his weak spot. Forget about him making her do anything and get used to the idea that this is how it will be. Appreciate him for all the other things. Agree to disagree about his daughter and bury the subject deep. You'll get some peace that way and your marriage will be stronger if you aren't always arguing about SD.

I'm not sure it's fair to be mad at him because he is not mad at her. She is an adult, he did say something to her, she's made a choice. Her not responding tells you what you need to know, so consider that your response and act accordingly.

She probably now feels like she has the upper hand, that you are going to chase her. Drop it. Now you know where you stand, don't be angry, don't be hurt, ghost her.

Just remember that your BF can never be mad at you for ignoring her. So, if you want to go to family events and not interact with her at all, that is your choice, just as it was hers to not respond to your gesture (and he was, apparently, fine with that). Don't let her run you off.

Not everything is something that requires your BF to mad about on your behalf. If he stands up for you on the important things, then you're doing okay.

A few years ago, my SD26 came over with her two boys, who had a habit of sucking on my throw pillows. I took them away from them (since she just let them do it) and she made some snarky comment. I later laughed about it with my DH and he said that he didn't hear her say that and he would've said something to her, if he had (and he would have). I told him that there was no need for that, I'm an adult and if I had felt the need to call her out on it, I would have. It was better to ignore her because I know that it took a lot for her to A) come up with a snarky comment and B ) have the guts to say it. As far as she knew, it went unheard, and I know that bugged her.

Now, if she cussed me out, he would have her ass.

Anything you say can and will be held against you.  Take SD's number out of your phone and do not contact her again.  She didn't respond to your appology because she knows you didn't do anything wrong.  Instead she cries to daddy about spelling her name wrong. How dare you spell it Hailey instead of HayLeigh...the nerve!  

This won't get better with time or god forbid, marriage.  You've seen what their dynamic is and you the outsider will only stregnthen their daddee and princess can do no wrong bond.  I married into the same situation except princess is a grown man.  DH is extremely frustrated with ss but has never defended me in front of him or told him to play nice. I've had to take the reigns and practice full disengagement with ss32.  

Disengage and accept that this is the way things are.  Decide for yourself whether you really want this ongoing drama in your life.  

I just realized who you are, OP. Is this the same BF? If so, this is very minor compared to how your BF treats you, overall.

Your BF will never change. You will never be his priority. I was in a relationship with Disney dad and I left and now am happily married to a man who puts me first. Are you two not engaged anymore? You aren’t calling him fiancé. 

You said.... "I recently messaged my boyfriend's 22 year old daughter apologizing for whatever I've done to upset her (nothing) and extended an Olive Branch"

Why are you appologizing to her if you have done nothing wrong.  That makes no sense to me.  By doing this you are giving her the upper hand and she knows it.

If I were you, I'd put her on ice and freeze her out. 

Only appologize if you were wrong.  If you weren't wrong, why appologize?

As for being upset with your DH because he was not upset with his spawn......? Really? 

Only you can set how you will be treated by others and no matter how  you choose to manage that you cannot expect anyone else to "feel" about any situaton the way you feel about it.  Feels are not relevent anyway and feelings solve nothing.  Only action solves problems.  So, set your personal boundaries and expectations of behavior that you will tolerate from others and confront deviations from those standards each and every time they happen.

While I completely understand that  you are hurt by your DH's lack of balls in all of this... if he won't display appropriate testicular fortitude in how people speak of, to and treat his bride... you are going to have to display it for yourself.

Good luck.

I’d not allow him to live in my house if he still has his. And if you two aren’t planning to marry I’d not let him live in my house while he maintains his. You could just date. Why play house with someone who has no respect for you? Does he at least pay rent?