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SD's bday and out of state trip with BM

I love dogs's picture

Submitted by I love dogs on Mon, 07/16/2018 - 9:57am

As most of you know, BM agreed to give DH 50/50 which is really her dictated times since Spring Break in March. This is unofficial and DH still owes BM CS every month. Apparently BM is taking SD a state away to go to Six Flags for her bday but hasn't bothered to tell DH about it. SD is the only one who's said anything so I don't know if BM even thinks it necessary to inform DH. Well, SD will be with us for her bday week, her real bday being on a Thursday. BM decided that they're leaving that Friday after camp and DH usually has SD until at least Saturday. SD said that we have to have her party on Wednesday night at the arcade/ bowling alley that we planned on because she'll be out of town on Saturday with BM.

Funny story: when I had BM pick SD up a few weeks ago so SD could go to camp earlier, SD told BM that I couldn't take her. That wasn't true. I had told SD that if she doesn't want to sit around for an hour, she could ask BM to pick her up since she takes her other kid to camp. I probably shouldn't have, but I texted BM to clarify that I didn't tell SD that I couldn't or wouldn't take her to camp, I told her that if she didn't want to wait an extra hour since she was ready, she could ask BM for a ride. BM said she appreciates the "adult communication" and that she "appreciates me". I hate when she tells me that. 

Anyway, I wonder if BM will be an adult and communicate with DH that she is taking SD out of town on what is technically his time. Since she is so big on "adult communication" and all. There is nothing in the  CO about out of state trips and DH doesn't have SD during this time other than their verbal agreement. The real verbal agreement was that SD go to church with us every Sunday but that hasn't happened since BM always seems to conveniently forget about the things she says and "needs" SD back on Saturday nights since SD came the Saturday before. 

Also, I see a therapist for the first time on Wednesday. I am not sure what to expect. 

Comments

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Mon, 07/16/2018 - 10:08am

DH should text her and request "adult communication" in regards to SD being taken out of state. LOL

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Mon, 07/16/2018 - 10:20am

Since they do not have a court in place that addresses the change, then technically it is mom's time.

The only reason you contacted mom was the clear up what SD said.  Had SD followed your instructions correctly, you would not have contacted her.  

Perhaps mom decided to do the same thing you did, use the kid as the messenger.  

 

Why do you hate when mom says she appreciates you? Having a BM acknowledge/be appreciative of what you do is a good thing.

I love dogs's picture

Submitted by I love dogs on Mon, 07/16/2018 - 10:32am

We never use SD as a messenger. The day I'm talking about, SD was given a choice and decided to call BM. DH has always made plans with BM directly and since BM started allowing SD to use the cellphone we got her, BM has had SD "inform" us of when she wants her back home and such. BM never tells/ asks DH when SD is coming over or going back to her house.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Mon, 07/16/2018 - 3:53pm

How do you know what SD is saying is true?

Could it be that you all think BM uses SD as a messenger and BM thinks the same based on what SD says?

Could BM have told SD that she wanted to take her, and SD replied, "Well Dad and ILD are taking me to A Fun Place for my birthday on Wednesday, so you can pick me up Saturday"?

SD has learned to manipulate both parents. If she said something similar to that to BM, BM could misconstrue that to mean that DH already told SD it was fine versus telling BM directly.

Every time you are faced with a situation where SD speaks on behalf of BM, call BM and clarify with her. My guess is that what you hear from SD is about as accurate as what BM hears from SD - so maybe 50% truth.

I love dogs's picture

Submitted by I love dogs on Mon, 07/16/2018 - 5:13pm

We didn't have a date planned for SD's party, I just assumed Saturday. On the 4th of July, she didn't have camp so we had lunch at the mall and saw a movie after since DH was working. There is a new arcade/ bowling alley that hosts parties so I suggested we celebrate there and she wanted to. That night at dinner, she mentioned that BM was taking her out of town for her bday but not when.

Last week when I called the place about party prices, they said they don't host parties until the middle-end of August so I told SD. She only wants 4 friends to come so I said we can just pay for 5 kids, that's no big deal. She agreed again then I said ok, tell your friends Saturday the 4th since we have her that week and usually until Saturday or Sunday for church. SD then told me that it'll have to be Wednesday so she can have a sleepover with her friends because BM is leaving with her Friday after camp. DH was not told any of this so I told him and still nothing from BM.

But you are right that SD knows how to manipulate and probably helped BM make plans on "DH's time" since she is afraid to tell either parent no, but especially BM.