To suspend cell phone or not... that is the question

For the last 2-3 weeks SSstb14 isn't answering DH's texts or calls. We warned SS when he was here that we are the ones paying for his cell phone. It isn't for his mom, his friends, for snapchat or anything else- it is paid for by us so that he and DH can communicate. If he continues to ignore 90% of what DH sends him and continues to only respond with an occasional "ya" then we will shut off his phone.

DH sent him a text 2 days ago that said he was fed up with being ignored and "I love you son, but I will not be taken advantage of". He was warned again that his cell phone was going to be shut off if the ignoring continued. He also let SS know that he was going to be there in 2 weeks and really wanted to spend time with him. DH told SS that BM hasn't responded to any requests to see him. That he wanted to spend the weekend as well as during the week and drive him to and from school. -- Nothing, no response. So.. Do we follow through and suspend the line, or just continue to be walked all over?? If we do suspend the line, there is a chance that BM will just get him a phone. If that happens we probably wont ever know what that number is and that will be the end of any communication ever... even if it is just a "ya".

On another note this was the latest email and text sent to BM regarding DH being in SS's state in less than 2 weeks"

BM, Your attempts to cut me out of our sons life are quite disturbing. I gave you nearly a months notice of my arrival in the state of Kansas for a family event. You are refusing to let SS attend and refusing to respond to other parenting time arrangements during my time in SS State. There is no reason that I can not spend the week with our son SS; with me providing him transportation to and from school daily, except that you want me out of his life. I am asking again for you to put your feelings aside and do what is best for our son. That means no longer alienating him from me every chance you get. Please let me know when a good time to pick him up on Sunday the 23rd of September would be. I will happily drive him to and from school for the week and I will bring him back to you Friday evening the 28th of September before I fly out on the 29th.

Respectfully

Your youngest sons father (She has 3 baby daddy's so, DH feels the need to remind her which one his is sometimes LOL!)

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I think he's being smart

I think he's being smart puttin git in writing. He needs to be careful with that to not sound condencending as well though.

I think you let the cell phone play out a little longer. Wait until after your DH visits. Then he can see if he thinks the relationship is reparable now or if he'll just continue to ignore him. If he thinks communication may open, then keep it for a bit, if he gets the vibe it won't, then no use paying for a cell phone that's not being used properly.

If the courts aren't going to

If the courts aren't going to back dad up I say kiss SS goodbye with the phone cancellation. Maybe he'll come around after 18 but that's hardly the case here. This is the SS who is convinced he has a very serious disease, yes?

Yep, one and the same. Since

Yep, one and the same. Since he has gone home after finding out he didn't have any disease he has only talked to DH once. I know BM is behind it, but at nearly 14 he needs to say, I want to talk to my dad or JUST FREAKING TALK TO HIM. Otherwise even a long distance relationship isn't going to do anything!

Exactly. And I already know

Exactly. And I already know your husband isn't getting a day with SS when he's in town, let alone 5 days.

Nope... he won't get a thing.

Suspend cell.

When his son is interested in having reasonable contact with dad of "course" dad will consider starting up again.

---------------

If you have not already,,,,google "Stark Reality" by Dr. Craig Childress

Its a 1 page read with info that you and dh may find helpful.

Kids who have a parent that is activly involved in Pathogenic Parenting do NOT have a chance to re-connect, becoming their authentic selves until the child is in protective custody...completely away from the parent.ie BM in your situation.

Right now your ss is NOT his authentic self. He is and he has taken over where BM could not push thru. Common for teens to take over this role.

Pathogenic parenting doenst magically stop at age 18...kids DO NOT run back when child psycological abuse is in effect.

You can google Dr. Childress professional website or watch his youtube vids. THANK GOD for him. He put so much into perspective for many many MANNNNNNNNY dads going thru the very same thing.

*not all things are pathogenic parenting*

I would suspend immediately.

I would suspend immediately. Phone is not being taken seriously by BM or SS- and suspending will bring clarity.

We pay for SSs' phones and lately SStwinB13 has been going over his allotted data- so suspension of his line is the next step unless he gets this in check. The companies make it easy to suspend and reinstate.

Suspend.

I am not a fan of empty threats. You have told him repeatedly what the consequences for his actions would be, so he is well aware. Yes BM will probably get him another one, but oh well...

How are you sure SS even has

How are you sure SS even has the phone while he's at BM's, for all you know she is the one responding "Ya" every few times or so. If this woman is that PAS then why would she even let him keep the phone?

Does the kid have an e-mail or school e-mail that he could reach out to him, and if he's being ignored on this level call the police in BM's town and have them do a welfare check, at least he can get some form of record showing she is denying hi any contact.

He never lets that phone out

He never lets that phone out of his sight. I am 99.9% sure that BM doesn't take it. We also see that he is very active on snapchat- he likes to post to his story or whatever.

Suspend the phone line.

I believe when you make a

I believe when you make a promise to a child, it should be kept if at all possible. You and DH have promised that not responding to messages would result in the cell phone being suspended. I vote for keeping your promise.

I would recommend suspending

I would recommend suspending the data first. With 3 teenagers, we found this super effective.

There is nothing worse than

There is nothing worse than someone who keeps making threats to do something and doesn't do it. Follow through on suspending the cell phone and show SS that you mean what you say. Kids will take you for a joke and keep behaving in a disrespectful manner if you don't do what you say.

The cell phone was to maintain contact which he clearly is not doing and basically giving you his @ss to kiss....so guess what.....no phone for you....How about that....