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Major Blunder's picture

Submitted by Major Blunder on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 12:44pm

So we are now under contract for a house, and I am far from excited about the entire thing. We are moving farther away from work, getting less space, paying more on mortgage than we are currently on rent plus DW is upset that her name is not on the loan, crying upset, saying she feels like she has no say upset.

 When we were going through everything to get the loan they wanted both of our information but in the end they decided only to use mine to get the best rate, etc etc. Her name will be on the title but it will not show on her credit, same thing happened when she needed a car, everything got put in my name since my numbers were better.

 She says she knows it’s not my fault but I’m the one she crys this to, so now I feel like the bad guy and I shouldn’t since I am doing what I am supposed to do, provide for my family. I already hate this house and we haven’t even finished the buying process, it still has to be approved by the lender and all that jazz.

I feel completely at a loss of what to do, how do you move forward to a new chapter that was supposed to be a blessing in disguise with all this crap, all so gskids have a home.

I probably have more to say but the words just won’t come.

Comments

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Submitted by ProbablyAlready... on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 12:50pm

I guess I'm really just not sure why she's so upset about her name not being on the loan... Your credit si good, I don't think she was planning any big ticket purchases behind your back?

I'm sorry you're daling with all this though. Moving is already a frustrating process, let alone moving with extra crap going on!

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Submitted by ProbablyAlready... on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 1:48pm

Strange, but alright... I just figure, her name is on the title, she owns the house too... It just saves you money to keep her off the loan!

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 1:04pm

Do you like and actually want the house? Or are you buying because you NEED a place RIGHT NOW? 

If it's the latter, maybe keep loking so it's something you are happy with?

Major Blunder's picture

Submitted by Major Blunder on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 1:25pm

We are on a deadline, current landlord is giving us the boot. This house has everything we need for what we can afford and not alot of homes for sale around us recently, waiting would have meant possibly getting stuck in between homes.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 1:06pm

If she is trying to build credit... do you have any credit cards you can add her as an authorized user... perhaps she could get a secured credit card in her own name?

Honestly, she gets the better end of the deal.. ownership without obligation...lol.  But I imagine it could get sticky if you passed and she couldn't get a loan for the remaining balance.

Major Blunder's picture

Submitted by Major Blunder on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 1:28pm

She didn't mention anything about wanting to build credit and in fact we got rid of any cards we had years ago, they were all store cards, I'm not a fan of credit cards.

She did say the same thing about me dying, so at least I can be sure she won't try and plan my death any time soon.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 1:31pm

Wait, what?? Why is your DW making this into a BAD thing?? You have MAJORLY stepped up for the gskids when you didn't have to do so because of CRAP parents.

ETA: Is your DW afraid of moving??? I'm baffled. She definitely needs therapy.

Major Blunder's picture

Submitted by Major Blunder on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 1:31pm

I have no idea what she would have done, I suppose she would have gone for a loan herself, don't know what she would have got though.  I understand partially her side, the lender lead us to believe we were both on the loan, asking for all of "our" information, Pay stubs, 1040s, everything but then decided it would be best with just me, but never actually told me that, just did it.

And yes I agree she needs therapy but hell so do I !!!!!!!!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 1:41pm

If you loan lender thought it would be the best solution and that you would be okay with it.... in the end, why not do it that way? I bought a house which my then-h had to sign off on because his credit was absolute sh!t.

Will she sit down with you and talk about WHAT her issues are in regards to this move?? Honestly, it's in the best interest for ALL of you.

Major Blunder's picture

Submitted by Major Blunder on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 2:13pm

I don't know if she has any issues about the move other than what we both have already voiced, it wasn't planned, we didn't really want to do it right now but we are over a barrell and would be moving no matter what, I really think it is the fact that her name isn't on the loan, it might not make alot of sense to us but it does to her.

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 1:34pm

Good grief, she's searching for problems where none exist.  I'd be thrilled to have title to a property in my name without having the loan in my name.  I don't understand why this upsets her unless she's looking for something to be upset about. 

Major Blunder's picture

Submitted by Major Blunder on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 1:41pm

I guess having the title is not enough, if I die she could lose the house?????  Not sure how, as long as she keeps making payments they don't care if I am dead or alive.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 1:54pm

https://homeguides.sfgate.com/can-bank-call-mortgage-husband-dies-50886....

Take a look at this.  I believe that your wife will be protected (if she is able to continue to make payments) under certain circumstances.. please read this article and then work with your title/closing atty to make sure that she is most protected in the way that the property is titled.. she should also be aware of what she needs to do if the unthinkable happens.. so that she doesn't lose her options by not acting quickly enough.

also.. while you don't like credit cards.. if she is concerned that she might not qualify for future debt when she needs it.. maybe establishing a good credit history for her would work?  I am not sure whether she wasn't included due to "no history" or bad history.. but she can obviously work towards improving that.. and over time, bad stuff drops off.

Major Blunder's picture

Submitted by Major Blunder on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 2:17pm

Thanks ESMOD, that was very helpful. As for her credit, it does need work and it has been improving just in this case mine was better, we might have to look into other ways to improve her credit, not that it will help the current situation.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 3:43pm

At least this might give her some peace of mind that she won't be put out on the streets if something happens to you. 

Honestly... in my current mariage, I am the one who has most of the debt (and titles) in my name alone.  Just bought a truck and it's in my name.. my credit loan.. my DH's credit had a lock on it when we were buying (I forgot I did it to his credit because of a breach notice we had gotten)... he is not offended at all..lol.  But, personally, I wouldn't put someone on a title.. if they weren't on the note too... but that's just me.. I have been through one divorce lol.

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 5:19pm

Getting a mortgage is not the way to build credit and honestly a foolish way of doing so. She should get a credit card or smaller loan to establish good paying history that isn't as long term as a mortgage. 

Maybe after her credit improves you can refinance and have her name added? But, if the Federal Reserve keeps raising interest that might not be a good idea either....

advice.only2's picture

Submitted by advice.only2 on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 1:41pm

Your DW acts like a victim caused by her own actions. She must bear the burden of her children, she must bear the burden of poor credit.

If this isn't the place you want, then find a rental for now, I get it you don't want to displace the already ever displaced grandskids, but at what point do you stop the chaos, and say okay none of us are happy with this, let's take a step back and be rational for a moment.

I feel like alot of this relationship thrives on chaos and that's got to be tiring. I think take a moment breathe and don't allow yourself to get set up in a situation where it's going to allow more toxicity and drama.

Major Blunder's picture

Submitted by Major Blunder on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 2:25pm

Thanks advice, I hate hate chaos personally and part of this blessing in disguise was to eliminate some of the chaos, the SDs wouldn't be able to ever move in with us again because there would be no room.

As for keep looking, that's a tough one, getting a rental here is about as tough as buying a house for availability, price, location, etc and moving several times within say even a year would just suck.

This house actually has the things we needed, 3 bedrooms, two bath, fenced in yard, and it has somethings we don't have now like a porch with a roof over it. We can expand on this house, make changes, etc etc etc.

I think my lack of excitement is comming from somewhere else, yesterday I was out due to my disability, this morning started out with a whiney two year old then a mouthy 8 y/o, plus I have been doing all the paperwork on this, dealing with the lender, finding an attorney, etc etc etc So I believe I just haven't really had a chance yet to enjoy the idea of owning a home again since all I have been doing is the ugly portions of it.  I want to be able to start making plans and seeing ourselves in the home as a family.

amyburemt's picture

Submitted by amyburemt on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 3:46pm

her out on her behavior. Flat out ask her how her crying about names on the title will improve the living situation and then ask what she is doing to help facilitate the move and make it a fresh start. 

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 5:29pm

Yep. Is her not being on the mortgage (but is on the title) really what is upsetting her? Or is it because her worthless daughter can move with you?

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 6:35pm

When I met my DH he had ZERO credit because he had no mortgage, no car loan and no credit cards.  The good news was that he did not owe anyone a cent - which was great.  After we married I added him to my credit cards.  Last time I checked his credit rating was better than mine!  I have a ding because of Verizon. 

I despise that company.  I fell for their advertising and bought a phone where they promised that you could return the phone if you didn't like it.  I kept the phone for 48 hours.  When I went to return it I had to pay a $350 "restocking" fee and it literally took SIX trips to retrieve my phone number.  Then the next month they had the audacity to bill me $140 for "service".  I have refused to pay it for years now.  It's a matter of principle.  I will NEVER pay that money.  I've still been able to buy a new home, refinance another home (3% rate) and buy a car (1.9%).

Verizon is the devil.  They are the BMs of the mobile phone industry.

beebeel's picture

Submitted by beebeel on Fri, 09/28/2018 - 8:22am

Congrats on the house! Sorry DW is being a tear soaked, wet blanket about it. My guess is she's sad the smaller place won't accommodate her grown children moving in and out as she is used to, and not so much about the loan. 

Before a few short years ago, everything was in my name because DH's credit sucked. He didn't sit around and cry about it. He took control and started repairing/building his credit. Now his score is 20 points higher than mine, the ambitious little turd lol.