Welcome to the site! I read your other post - which sounded more hopeful than this one, I have to say.  The fact that you have made your feelings about contact with the exW very plain, to your partner, and he still indulges in what you see as inappropriate contact with her - makes me think he is not ready to commit properly to this new relationship.  I say "what you see as" - because honestly I don't feel that the examples you gave were all that bad - eg sitting with her at an assembly - (unless of course you were also there and he deserted you to sit with her - which would have been unacceptable) might just have been polite courtesy.  

Giving her money outside of the agreed CS would concern me more - because it might mean less money for your joint household.  

In your place I would have a "come to Jesus" meeting with my partner and discuss all these areas in detail and try to agree on some boundaries that you both feel comfortable with.  Some exes get on well - I do with mine - and used to have the occasional chat with him on the phone.  I don't think this is bad unless there is some hidden agenda eg one of them wants to get back together.  

This man is not ready for another relationship. He was just left by his wife 7 months ago. Neither of them have done the work to let go of the relationship, and frankly, this BM sounds like the type who will NEVER let go, even if she's been married to someone else for 10 years.

Do yourself a favor and tell him to look you up in a year if he's still available and find a man who is ready to be in a relationship with you. Men tend to move on way too quickly without doing the work they need to do to heal from the last (toxic) relationship.

I love my DH, but if I could go back, I'd run the minute I smelled the crazy that was headed our way.

to understand that if he keeps doing things like this he is enabling her need for power in YOUR relationship and home. The more you can cut her out of your lives, especially if she is toxic, the better your own household will be. There is nothign wrong with limiting contact to strictly direct kid issues such as emergencies, needed info for school, and exchange changes or custody visitation changes. Other than that there really isn't a need to have this toxic person maintaining any sort of handhold in your household.

Your DH has the problem not his EX.  He does not have to talk to her. They can text and all texts are about the kids nothing else.  He is playing the game, don’t blame her.  She maybe nuts, buy he’s still buying it.  This will never end,  she will always come first and will always win.  And you lose, and lose and lose 

He's still married to her, right? She's still his wife. No matter what little foreplay games they are playing right now, you could be out on your butt tomorrow and have been no more than a blip in their lives. 

Yes, you are over reacting because, honestly, you've set yourself up for this and seem to have a whole fantasy life dreamed up. That's not his ex wife, you are still someone else's wife and this relationship shouldn't even be happening until everyone is actually free and willing to move along in a healthy manner.

You are the side chick and you are all bent out of shape because this man's wife is asking him if he's ok. Take a step back, breathe, and ask yourself if all this invented drama is worth your peace of mind.

Oh girl, I could have written your posts myself. I have been with my SO for 2-1/2 years. I was his first GF after they split up. They had a terrible relationship all along. I came in and things got worse. Constant hateful texts, emails, and when she would start dating someone (she is a revolving door of boyfriends), even her BF's would start texting my SO! It was constant harassment. My SO would engage. I would be infuriated. Rinse, repeat. Then she would change tactics and be all nice, asking for favors, etc. My SO put her ON HIS INSURANCE once when she called panicking because she had gotten pulled over with no ins., with the kids, and the cop was giving her a chance to not get a ticket if she immediately got ins. So he put her on, and didn't tell me. Another time, she moved into a new apt. and had no furniture at all, yet skids were going to be with her for her visitation. My SO rounded up a full house worth's of used furniture (we had a lot of it in our attic, but still), including a bed for BM, and drove it to her house an hour away. While he was there she gave him a sob story about not having presents for skids for xmas, so he ordered a video game console online and had it sent directly to her house so she would have something to give them. A few times I found out he had messaged her without telling me. (To be fair, he didn't owe it to me to tell me every communication, but when he's hiding it on purpose, you can bet your ass we're going to have a problem). 

We had huge fights about this and it nearly ended our relationship. The ONLY thing that saved it, is I put my foot down about communication. I told him he needed to stop and block her, and if he hid things from me again I would be out. The thing is, he really wasn't pining over her, or not ready to be with me, he just was clueless and thinking he was helping the kids by helping her. He didnt' want them to be in a car w/out ins, with no presents at her house on xmas....I get that, it's hiding it that was BS. Anyway, he did change his ways. BM has been blocked on our phones for over a year, and my SO had it put in the C.O. that communication will only happen on Our Family Wizard. Also, getting a C.O. is key!!! When there are no schedules, it just invites communication. We have a schedule, we follow it to a Tee, and there is no need to communicate about it, except occasionally. Our Family Wizard and the C.O. saved us. It would have been too hard on me otherwise. He now tells me when BM writes, ignores most of her messages unless it's necessary to respond. No more hiding stuff out of fear I'll get mad.

I feel for you, it is sooo hard. And it's still not over, it will go on until they are 18. She tells skids crazy stuff all the time, about me, my SO, etc. She is always on a mission to brainwash them. But limiting communication and a Custody agreement make it manageable. And making sure your SO knows you are not playing about hiding stuff. I was ready to leave, my SO is lucky I gave him another chance.

Like someone else said though, he is still married, and I have seen crazier things happen than someone getting back with the spouse they seemingly hate. My SO got back with Crazy before he met me, and they hated each other, even then. But there is that bond. Sometimes I feel like I gave my SO too many chances, and there are times I wish I had walked. Being a SM is HARD, and dealing with a crazy BM is HARD, and it is all just HARD! And it never goes away.

If you stay, I would be very cautious until he proves he can not hide things and limit communication.

My BIGGEST thing is that I'm kept COMPLETELY informed and that communication is at a minimum (she likes to try and take advantage of him so far as money, emotional sob stories, etc. etc.)

I don't think what he did was acceptable. i wouldn't be okay with it at all. I'm on the fence for you. On one hand, maybe he'll fix it, on the other, he's already sneaky and being dishonest. A realtionship wtihout trust is really a relationship without any heart to it. And ultimately I think those are destined to fail.

You see I thought BM and my Now Dd's dad hated each other . How could he not hate her? She took his kids. She took his money. And she left him to his best friend while his dad was dying of cancer. He came back from the funeral and she was getting an abortion and said she didn't know whose child it was, his or his best friend . To two years they screamed at each other on the phone daily. They had horrible fights. He was living with me.. We were on vacation in the Keys and he was asleep and his phone kept beeping with texts at 3 am. He said "hand Me my phone" and I did but I could see her message. It

was

snotty and she said "You keep

asking me to reconcile but Bill and I are going to look at rings." And he did indeed ask her to reconcile

because he "wanted his family back." So buyer beware. Been there. Done that. Bought the happy meal

Women have a tendency to "day dream"..you wrote you boyfriend is someone unlike ANYONE you have met. GLITTER hearts,,,big smile faces---he is amazing. He is your person... :), right?

THIS thing with his recent ex wife is the only thing that is a problem.

Let that resinate  for week or two.

Miss, your little kids need your attention, not a boyfriend you recently met. IF you want to work on your relationship please consider flipping custody to where your ex has your kids most of the month and you a few nights like he has now.  EVEN if a new parenting plan is for this year reverting back to the current plan after you and boyfriend figure out your future. THIS is not a good place for the kids....

Former "divorced mom with kids"....

He is dishonest about it, he is showing you his character... believe it, and look at it as a blessing that you saw now and not  years down the road.

He knows how much it was bothering you but chose to continue with it. Just get out, focus on your boys and work and school - you will find someone better... promise.

My BF is the same way with contact about his ex.

He always says that he never talks to her but when I see the phone bill her number is constantly there. Pisses me off that he lies about it. She calls when I am on the phone with him and he has to hang up with me to talk to her because it could be about the child but 99.9 percent of the time it's just to tell him about the bs in her life. She is a leach that can't accept the fact that he has moved on and uses the child as a pawn. I don't trust them alone together but that is a whole other issue.