I must be a glutton for punishment because I can't seem to disengage. I want a positive relationship with SD and assured her today that I don't want her to feel replaced by the baby in January. I got paid today and we both need haircuts (I have been the one getting her hair done for a couple of years because we had a good hairdresser but she moved recently). I also had to get some things from Wal-Mart so I let SD pick out some dog toys and nail polish. She told me that she wanted to start wearing makeup (foundation) but had just argued with me about washing her face before we left the house. She is broken out on her forehead.

I explained to her that she can't wear foundation and not wash her face every single day and because she is already broken out, it'll make it worse. She agreed to wash her face daily and we got make up removing wipes and I told her I'd teach her how to apply it in the morning for church so she has practice for school.

She watches make up tutorials and also mentioned penciling in her eyebrows. She has thick brows like DH and I told her I don't really think she wants to do that everyday and told her we can wax them at the salon to shape them after we get out hair cut. She agreed but was nervous it would be painful. I reassured her it is not that bad and we bought her tweezers, too. I first got my brows waxed at 12 so I think she's old enough. SD is in 8th grade and her friends are doing these things and I know she has a crush on a boy in her class.

I texted BM to let her know so that she can help her shape her brows if she needs to on her weeks. They look very natural but I wanted to "tell on myself" so BM didn't think I was stealing her thunder. BM does allow SD to shave her legs so I figured a simple wax to shape her brows was safe and SD looks great! She's very happy with them. So here is the texting convo that took place between BM and me this afternoon- everything in parentheses are my notes to keep things clear:

Me: SD got a haircut and we shaped her eyebrows. They look really nice. She didn't want to shop for jeans or underwear but said that she has plenty over there to bring here if that's ok. She doesn't like the jeans I bought for her. (SD doesn't like shopping and assured me she has "tons" of jeans at BM'S. I know she wears the same jeans for days and offered to get her new undies since she threw a couple pairs away when she started her period a couple weeks ago).

BM: Underwear should be fine but she only has a few pairs of jeans at the house, it has been a struggle getting the few we have. Since I have you on the phone I have been trying to set up a parent meeting with the 4 of us but DH isn't willing. Any suggestions? 

Me: She wears the same ones all week and I told her she can't do that but we'll find some. Thank you. I guess your last talk at the shop in August (DH's business) didn't go so well so he doesn't want another blow up. He just wants the week on/ week off to be legal because he feels powerless. And we have had the shower planned for over a month and he really wants SD to be there so that's really important to him. I know it's a holiday weekend but we weren't expecting you to go out of town.

And he planned to take her to her orthodontist appt then drop her off at school on Monday (9am appt and DH usually takes SD to school on Monday to end his week. SD can also sleep in). Do you know how much the payment will be so he has it? (BM usually takes SD to these appointments but I took her last month because BM texted me to ask if I could and got the bill with the future appointment. BM paid $100 ahead of time. The first time we offered to take SD to the orthodontist appt on our time, BM said no, she'd do it because she had to make a payment. She had SD tell us that she'd pick her up from our house and bring her back but not a word to DH. When DH called the ortho office to ask about it, BM had her boyfriend listed as "dad" and they had to call BM to get DH authorized as the real father).

BM: I don't think you understand what happened. He cursed and spit in my face and since then he won't hold a civil conversation with me (BM had told SD that DH doesn't support her so he has no say in where she goes to high school. I witnessed this convo and SD indeed told DH that BM said he doesn't get a say in her going to a public high school out of their district next year. It's in GBM's district and BM went there. SD currently goes to a private Christian school that she's been in since Kindergarten and it goes to 12th grade. DH told BM that this isn't right and that they need to go back to court and get 50/50 on paper since it had been 6 months at that point and that she needs to respect him as a parent. BM doesn't want CS to go away so kept telling him that he "owes" her money to raise SD and he did lose his temper and told her to leave. I believe he did get heated and "spit" in her face from yelling, not just spitting at her. He would never do that to anyone). That's why it would be nice to have you and my fiance there. My focus is always SD and we need to be on the same parenting page. Thank you for everything. I have already paid for her braces (not true, there is a $750 balance on the receipt but BM likes to take all the credit). I am sorry I said anything. I love all of you and just want the best for SD.

Me: He just wants to be involved as much as possible and feels very defeated after everything in court (BM drug him through the mud for no reason for over a year and he just gave up. This started in 2013. She went from 24 hours a month in the CO to week on/ week off on her terms since March of this year. She still keeps DH in the dark and is a pro at playing the victim). I know he would prefer to go back and have an amicable agreement for making week on/ week off official and would like to know if SD can stay in town for the shower. I know she wants to see her friends that are coming (SD has also expressed to BM that she prefers to stay for the shower and got ignored. Now BM won't give anybody an answer until we have an "adult" meeting). 

Then she didn't respond. I have no idea what "parenting page" she wants to be on but she told DH that she is getting SD a tutor for math because of her failing grade even though DH talked to the principal and math teacher and got SD in-school tutoring and extra math help this week. SD is already understanding the material better. BM didn't bother to show up for that meeting on Thursday, by the way, even though she said she would be there. She drops her 4 and 5 year old off everyday so there is no excuse for her not attending, especially because she plays the MOTY card to elevate her parental status above DH. Once again she makes a parenting decision without DH like signing SD up for improv classes on his time without his consent and thinks it's ok because she didn't ask him to help pay for it.