I need some advice please.
Hi there.
Im needing some advice please. I will do my best to give the short version of the story. My husband and I have been married for seven years. Throughout the entire marriage I was the one that did all of the co parenting with his ex. He works out of town and is gone most of the time. Two years ago he gain full custody of his two boys that are now 11 and 14. Their mother is apparently a drug addict and very abusive and Cps stepped in and took them. They have no contact with her and at the moment do not want any.
I have been raising them full time for 2 years now. My husband left a year ago. He says he does not want to raise his children and wants me to. Im not sure what to do. I love them and I raise them as my own. The boys do know that we are no longer together and just assume he is working a lot and thats why they really do not see him as much as they should.
At this point these two boys have two very dysfunctional parents that have screwed with them pretty bad. They have a long list of issues. What do I do? When I move in a few months do I take them with me or do I make their father step up?
Thank you for your help
OMG, those poor kids.
OMG, those poor kids.
What do you want to do? Are you willing to raise them? If so, make sure you get legal custody and both parents pay you child support. If not, then don't feel guilty - that's a huge thing to take on.
Im ok with raising them. I
Im ok with raising them. I have two girls of my own 22 and 18. My entire family is telling not to do it because of the issues as well as the issues that will come with having to deal with their toxic father. Im just very conflicted.
What would happen to them if
What would happen to them if you don’t take them? Would he step up or would they go to another relative?
Theres the problem
Im not sure what would happen. Even when he was here he wanted nothing to do with them unless he need his ego stroked or they were hunting. He might give them back to their mother. He did at one point if I dont take them he would hire a nanny to raise them.
Well, if you do, make it
Well, if you do, make it official through family court, with clear visitation for both parents and child support. Don't leave it informal so he and BM feel they can do whatever they want.
Power of attorney
I do have power of attorney due to the fact that their dad works away. I have spoken with him about raising them and how we would handle things legally. But there is no getting through to him. He will not talk about adult things. I cant help feeling they have no body but me.
Would you consider a trial
Would you consider a trial situation where he takes them and see how it works out? Are you divorced? Could you get child support for raising them ? (It would have to butt load of money for me to even consider it) What about extended family? Grandparents around to help him or you? I think you need to hit him with legal stuff hard and fast. Its not unheard of for people to step up and help a kid out. Kudos to you for even considering it. Just cover your butt legally if you decide to do it. It would give the boys something to rely on since they have unreliable parents.
I would go and apply
for third party custody ex parte and let him find out later. It sounds like he won't care. Make sure that includes him paying child support and then move with the kids.
Child support, alimony, the
Child support, alimony, the house, the car, the whole she-bang! He either pays up or he can take care of his kids himself. Sad that the kids have crap parents. Thank god for someone who actually cares and is willing to STEP up!
^ ^ ^ All of this!Wow, how do
^ ^ ^ All of this!
Wow, how do people throw away their own children like this?
I am sorry you are going through this.
There is another poster here, who has custody of her ex's kid: Myss.Tique D'off
You may want to PM her for some advice and help.
Eliminate the poorest options
Eliminate the poorest options and choose the best option from the rest.
Here is an interesting read on decisioning.
https://www.quantamagazine.org/the-neuroscience-behind-bad-decisions-201...
Good luck.
One thing about being nice
Another thing being a jerk. I understand the poor kids, that nobody should be treated that way. But But, both BM aNf BF wasn’t to wash there hands of there kids. Talk about Evil people.
Anybody who just dumps there kids, you just can not believe !!! Need everything legally done. Papers sign, child support from both. Money for college fund and cars, medical thing. One thing is taking care of them, but bankruptcy is a hold another thing
I think
I think you should do whats best for you and your daughters. If you want to take care of your step sons go for it, if not your not a bad person that is a lot to take on. If you do decide to take them on, go to court and get a court order.