Hahahaha. I wish i could tell skids that but they dont treat me like that. Only DH.

So what is your DH going to do about their lying and disrespecting you?

Personally, I would not have sent that to BM, seems like not your place to address, more DH's job to do it.  If he won't do anything, separate your money, make him do any shopping for food for the skids, and stop doing anything for them.

When it comes to making meals or doing ANYTHING for them don't do it. Let your H, their father feed and do all the other things that come with having ungrateful brats. I wouldn't buy her a dress nor spend another minute or my money on them period.

So you can happinly save your money and your sanity. Sounds like a win to me.

Yeah I'd be preparing the most bland boring meals that I know they hate everytime they visit from now on. What horrible attitudes. My SD is similar though. She tried telling DH I didnt feed her supper once and I was walking into the room as she started saying it so she trailed off and looked at the floor and started mumbling. Another time I ordered the kids pizza as a treat during a school break and she sat there pouty and picked at it and barely are one piece. Then DH got home and gave her a piece of the leftover pizza for supper and she goes oh yay pizza I love pizza thanks dad this is my favorite. Reminds me why I dont do anything for her.

Ugh.... yeah.. I think that little stunt would definitely put her out of the running for anything other than basic needs for the near future..

Next time they come for visitation your DH needs to address this with his kids.  Explaining that lies and half truths aren't going to score them any favors.  Also... the consequences in the immediate future are that there will be no meals out for the next month.. and show these teens where the bread and peanut butter are.. and then show them where the toilet scrubber are.. and explain that they will do chores as assigned.. if they appropriately behave.. they will be appropriately rewarded.. they don't fall in line.. they won't enjoy it.

I would be pisssed too but the way you wrote it had me laughing. Stop doing anything for the ungrateful brats.

 "...but no butter. I'll need the butter as lubrication to shove all the other stuff you get from us, up my ass." too funny. 

WOW, what a little b*tch! I assume you showed it to DH and he will address it when she comes back to you with a punishment...? Unreal. I would call her out on it myself as well, honestly. I just am of the mindset that no 13yr old is going to say that to me and expect to not understand that I don't tolerate that kind of disrespect, and also let her know the things she was going to get (dress, bday party) and that she will no longer be getting any of that due to her disprespect. My mouth dropped open when I read that and I was furious for you!

A text from a 13 year old to an adult that says "shove it up your..." WOW, just WOW! OMG, as a parent I would be embarrassed if my child treated her stepMother like that (my ex is re-married too) I would make her apologize, and not by text, in writing. She would be grounded, for weeks, at both houses, WOW! Just WOW! there are no words!
As for the food issue or complaint, I've heard it from my kids (about their dads house) and skids 100,000,000 times. They say it about our house, they say it about BM's house they say it about my ex's house and usually its driven by another force.
I usually hear it when they want something to eat thats more expensive or special they will say "please, we barely get enough to eat at the other house"
LIES ALL LIES!

Who pays for the little cherub's cell plan?  If DH does, I'd have that shut down immediately.

My nephew turned 13 today. 

I cannot fathom him ever behaving in such a disresepctful way to anyone. Not his dad, his SM (my sister), me, his siblings. He's a great kid (not all skids are terrible!) who is kind and respectful pretty much all the time. Recently, I took him and his siblings out to a movie and, after the movie, they asked if they could play some games. For some reason, none of the change machines were taking any cards and I didn't have any cash. He very sweetly whispered to me: "TwoOfUs...if you're out of money you don't have to get us stuff all the time or take us places. We like just hanging out at your house..." 

I laughed and told him that I am not even close to out of money but that he was very sweet to say that. 

Anyway. I cannot imagine a 13-year-old thinking that kind of behavior is acceptable in any way. Wow. Honestly...I just feel sorry for her as she must be a miserable person right now to not be able to have any gratitude in her life...she doesn't seem happy... 

STOP COOKING FOR THEM IMMEDIATELY.
You are responsible for you and yours and DH is responsible for him and his.

The VD dress and bday party? That's on DH. NOT YOU. You are NOT responsible for buying so much as a toothpick for the skids. Anything YOU pay for is a GIFT of your generosity. You have absolutely no obligation to pay for one bloody thing. If DH wants to pay for those things, make sure it does not affect YOU. If it comes down to him paying for a VD dress over his portion of the bills, NOT acceptable.

As for refusing to go somewhere? Horse puckey. Minors in our home do not have a choice. They go with us (or DH) when DH tells them they will. Period. Dot.

I'll need the butter as lubrication to shove all the other stuff you get from us, up my ass.

hahahahahahha oh man 

I am laughing so hard at your post !

Oh the day when my SD says something like this!! I wouldn’t be doing shit for them anymore  

The parents of this child need to address this right away!

I did flip off my Stepfather once. That made him mad. Even Toxic Feral Eldest never said that to me. Once when she got really mad at me, she did say "your an effing crazy b1tch". I never did anything for her ever again. And it felt really really good to clean out her room. Get new fresh energy in there.

But your SD13 - what a sh1t.

What is your DH going to do about the little biotch telling you to shove it? I think a major punishment is in order. Or will he find an excuse to not follow through?

I m sorry you are dealing with this. She certainly doesn't warrant any of your time or attention going forward.

Edited to add... I've been chuckling about the "shove its" all day. 

I'd break her phone, cancel the service and then have nothing ever to do with the little chit ever again !!!!!!