Is it ok to make decisions without asking the step parent?
So my husband has two kids and a semi crazy ex wife. He has a tendency to let her get away with whatever she wants and not ask me my opinion on things that involve my time and my life. If she is too lazy to come pick up the kids he will either drive them where they should be or keep them without asking how I feel. I am someone who likes schedules and likes knowing things a head of time, and frankly that concept doesnt even register with either of them. Today, the mother didnt pick her kid (only one was with us, the other was still with her) up because school was cancelled and she didnt want to drive the 20 minute drive. So he took his child to her friends house per the mothers instructions. After he got off work he was told to go get her at that same friends house because she never made it to town and a few people in the household were sick. First of all, its not our scheduled day so its her responsibilty. Second, she's remarried and she has parents....she couldnt arrange for someone to pick her child up? Third, I was not consulted. This sitiation has happened countless times before and I have specifically asked my husband to consult me first. Especially when its interrupting our time together. Now long story short, I have been this way from day one, he knew this before he married me and I in turn knew he was a marshmallow parent who takes the easy route and cant say no to anyone but me. So neither of us has room to be surprised. However, i dont feel like i am out of line. I also dont feel like anything will ever change for either of us. So what now?
Schedule
The schedule is basically 50/50, tue and thurs over night and every other weekend fri-monday morning. Plus full child support, plus almost all the pick ups and drop offs, plus 100% health care. She has it made.
Sad thing is he doesnt even see a problem when this stuff comes up, because its easier to just do it than tell her no and make her be a mother.
Yet I dont get one word about it. and when i show i am upset, well im just being absurd and this we dont need to discuss it. Better to ignore the issue right?
If it's a constant thing,
If it's a constant thing, then it's not acceptable. Every now and then . . . I could live with that. You need to make it more painful for your husband to upset you than to upset his ex-wife.
I wouldnt even know how to do
I wouldnt even know how to do that, because if i try to talk to him he just gets mad at me. So I just basically hide in my office or my room until its bedtime for everyone.
That is so not ok. You should
That is so not ok. You should be checked with first. My DH will ask me and WE make the decision together. Just leave when he does that. Leave him with his mess. Go shopping or to dinner with a friend. That should show him!
When SS was coming over, I
When SS was coming over, I wouldn't have cared really, if DH took more time with him. I got along with SS and DH does all the parenting, so it wouldn't really have too much impact on me. That being said, he generally would inform me if he had him longer, and if I had said NO, he probably would have listened to me.
But if your kids are disruptive to your life and/or you are expected to parent them, then yes, he should consult with you.
I've never been in this
I've never been in this situation because we've always had SD full-time with BM having summer visitation. It's always been very clear-cut for us. BUT if I were in this situation, I would continue on with my day however I had planned prior to DH unexpectedly deciding to do something/pick up someone without asking me. I certainly wouldn't be cooking dinner for an extra person, driving an extra person around, anything without being consulted first. I'd probably go shopping and out to dinner alone lol
My partner has a crazy ex.
My partner has a crazy ex. She has been violent and has angry outbursts. He is still afraid of her. So yeah, he allows her to pull stunts and change things up. I hate it. He is an amazing guy except for this one thing. We had it out on Christmas Eve. She is always making plans on his time. It goes in a cycle. She pushes and pushes and then he'll finallty get to the point where he tells her off and then it stops and then she starts pushing again.