Tomorrow the Skidz go home for the weekend!  Yay!  Anyone else count down to when life will return to seminormalcy?  I am.  I can't wait to not have to break up fights, correct abusive behavior and language, and fight to keep my two little ones away from their VERY behavioraly and morally messed up brothers to keep them safe.  I don't have to listen to constant complaints or deal with little ears spying on my Husband and I.  I don't have to try to frisk them to ensure they are not taking my financial documents, my business information, dishes, their sisters money, my money, their friends parents weapons(The 11 yr old SS stole his best friends dads bbgun and butcher knife), teacher belongingsor school supplies, or all of their clothing or my kids clothing to their moms house.  To give you an example, I bought my one year old UGG boots for her to wear this winter.  They took one of them home to their Moms house, and she never got to wear them.  I bought myself a pair of boots and they took them to their moms house because "I thought they were hers!"  when she hasn't lived in this home for 9 years and ALL of her property was removed and returned to her.  I sit here thinking as I type this that no one would tolerate this crap, except me, and I do it because I love my husband.  On that score, he is sort of coming around.  He is starting to feel, as I do, that I would rather have a chance at raising two normal little girls, than continue in this pointless exercise of attempting to raise kids to be morally responsible, when their Mom uses them to steal and teaches them every way they can avoid suffering consequences for their actions through lying and manipulating.  That sounds harsh, but she literally has taught them to steal, like jewelry and stuff for her.  You'd never know it to look at her.  Such a perfect little Church going Angel, until Monday anyway!  Until your wallet goes missing that is, and she was the only one with access to it.  Anyway, I digress.  January was amazing for all of its Holidays.  I got almost the entire month of weekends to myself!  YES!!  It is strange to go from wanting the skidz around because you want to protect them, to realizing that the courts are NEVER going to help you do that, and just wanting to NEVER see her or deal with her or her offspring ever again.  Its not their fault I know that, but OMG  it feels like it at times.  Particularly times like recently, when they steal your mail, or your checkbook and take it to her on a silver platter.  Or you are putting their homework in their backpack and find your emerald necklace or your china.  That about causes you to NEVER want to see them again.  Everything you say is recorded or recounted.  You drop your Skidz off only to watch the older SS go upstairs and watch as he starts recounting everything to her, not realizing that he has called you on his IPod and you can hear her asking "Okay, So what happened with them this week?"  Followed by a ficticious account of an argument you and your husband never had and tons of hateful things spewed about how stupid we are and how much he hates how we are so boring and don't have enough electronics.  This weekend.  It starts in approximately 20 hours.  Hallelujah!!!  Soon, I hope to be out of this predicament.  I hope to have her keep them.  That sounds horrible because of what she puts them through, but what you all have helped me to realize is that they are a lost cause.  I can't change the fact that kids will ALWAYS want their momma.  I can't change that she manipulates everyone who comes into contact with her or that she has been practising hiding her true self since early adolescense.  I can only change me, and my situation, and what I allow.  I have reached the point of being ready to be the summer vacation home.  I am ready to have her have to take care of her own damn children and not get the constant breaks she has gotten.  I have reached a point of understanding that we spend more on lawyers who fail and courts who fail to protect them, than we would ever on child support.  I am ready to live my life and not be tied to a spot or situation over children I have been given 100% responsibility for and 0% rights to teach or mold into decent human beings.  She can mop up her own mess.  I have enough of my own.