Bringing the drama today...
I know I've already posted a question today, and I can't tell you all how much it means to me to hear back and have responses. I feel crazy and isolated in this remarriage/step-world. I also feel like I'm putting the pieces together and maybe I'm looking for validation that I'm putting the puzzle together correctly.
This is really random. DH told me from the very beginning (repeatedly) that ex3/BM to SS11,SS8 filed for divorce from him while pregnant with SS8.
Last week because of a discussion we were having about him increasing/ changing visitation (he basically changed it unofficially to 50/50 without discussing with me first, and we live in my house with my three kids), I went to the court house and for $5 got a copy of his divorce decree bc I never could get a clear answer on what his actual visitation is and he said he couldn't find a copy (he doesn't do paperwork well). Anyway, true to form his visitation is different than the days he told me but that's not really the point (I posted a couple weeks ago about that crisis).
What caught my attention is that SS8 was born in 2010, but legal separation date is 10 months later in 2011 and divorce filed in court in March 2013. So why would he tell me she filed while pregnant? Can anyone think of a reason this would be reflected this way in the papers but not reality? (They did not ever go to court, so it isn't that. They just created an agreement and both signed it without legal wrangling.)
I think what I know is that I am finding a lot of lies. This one doesn't even matter, but it's still a lie (I think). It's like I need a reason to justify my feelings (like I won't leave a relationship until I have "proof" they did something that justifies it). I don't know if I'm looking for an excuse, or if I'm looking for an explanation that would mean he's not a liar.
I know I'm grasping at straws. And over something that isn't even relevant. And would you even bring it up to him? As in, why did you tell me this story? I'd have to admit I went and got a copy of his divorce decree, which seems kinda like sneaking through someone's phone?
The most interesting thing
The most interesting thing about this is that he can't say that he lost track of time or forgot.. because either he was in the delivery room supporting her for SS8 or he wasn't? If I were you, I might not ever admit to getting a copy of the decree but you might just look up the local online court cases in your county where you put in the last name it tells you the date of the court case and the date of the divorce. You can say you did that because you felt you didn't ever get a straight answer.
Yes, you don't really forget
Yes, you don't really forget if you brought the baby home together or where you were living. Not by 3 years.
Thank you
I know someone who filed for
I know someone who filed for divorce, dismissed it and tried to make it work, then later filed again. Is it possible your husband did this?
Anyhoo, you definitely need clarification with him. Too much suspicious behavior.
I know someone who filled for
I know someone who filled for divorce in 2013 while she was pregnant but then when the baby was born she decided to reconcile. They got a divorce a few years later but for that time with the baby she decided she needed the help and made it work for a while. Technically she filed for divorce while pregnant but got a divorce (and filed a second time many (3-ish) years later).
Here's a better question: what does it change for you about him? Maybe he lied, maybe he forgot and maybe the story is more something like the friend of mine? How do you feel differently considering each of those?
Facts are neither good nor
Facts are neither good nor bad. They are merely facts. Now you have them and it is time to start having the no bullshit conversations with DH regarding his fluid recounting of history, the divorce stipulations and visitation.
This impacts your life. He should not be allowed to keep you in the dark and for damned sure his lies should not be tolerated nor go unconfronted.
He won't like that you did research.. When he whines about it... tell him if he wasn't full of shit and if his bullshit had not failed the smell test it would not have been necessary for you to do that research but now that you have... his continued presence in your home and marriage is depended on total and full factual and truthful transparency in your marriage.
Good luck.
Op stick with the facts and what’s happened
If he says something state the inconsistencies.
from now on tell your husband/partner as he lives in your home, he does not make decisions affecting your family and household without your input, blessing and permission.
how the heck does he sign up for 50% custody without asking you when he was living in your home? Thats pure disrespect and you should be mad.!!! Stand up for yourself.... you do not deserve this treatment and you need to demand to be treated with respect
unfortunately, there are arseholes in the world who don’t treat others with basic respect
She may have left him and
She may have left him and wanted (or tried) to file for divorce while pregnant, but in a lot of states you cannot legally do anything until after the baby is born.
Regardless, it doesn't sound like this is the man, or the life, that you want.
For once, I agree with CG.
For once, I agree with CG.
You don't need to play Nancy Drew following leads and gathering intell on this man. You already know all you need: that he is shady, a poor parent, inauthentic, and has brought chaos into your home. You don't trust him. That alone is reason enough to end the association.
The man is a train wreck, with a huuge pile of baggage representing a lifetime of bad decisions and stunted interpersonal skills. Most women wouldn't go on a second date with someone like him.
Just end it. Tell him simply and directly that you're done and get out.
I said this in your last blog
I said this in your last blog - this guy fed you a bunch of bullshit to get you hooked then he slid back down into his snake hole.
You will probably never get the truth. I'm sure wife #1, 2 and 3 didn't either. Hence his circumstances.
And if you feel the need to dig into his life for the truth it will never work!
I rarely jump on the bandwagon of the 'get out' advise but in your situation there doesn't seem to be anything to salvage.
Once a snake always a snake. And this guy has anaconda written all over him!