Being with someone who has no free time
I don't understand how someone can have such little free time and put such little effort into the relationship and expect effort in return. I understand if someone has custody of their kids full time and their kids have activities. I get it. However the other bio parent lives 5 minutes away and is actively involved in their lives. Can they not take their kids too some of their activities? Can the grandparents who live 10 minutes away not babysit and take them to their activities? Why does he have to take them to every single thing, every single day? I do not get it. Then he will get mad if I do not join him. HELLO!!! We havent had a date night or been alone in months!!!! I've been working all week. I finally have a day off and there are number of things I would like to do, restaurants I would like to try, things that look fun, movies I would like to see, that do not involve watching the skid's 2000th t-ball game. Sorry I'm here to vent. Anyone feel me?
Dump him. He does not
Dump him. He does not appreciate you and you will never be a priority. Besides that he may be using his kids as an excuse. Have you ever thought that bio mom does take her kids to some of these things and he is seeing someone else? Just a thought. Your relationship did start on shakey terms. He was still married when you met him.
If he was interested and felt
If he was interested and felt you are a priority, he would make some time for you.
It is not the duty of the other BP or the grandparents to take care of his kids - this is you wanting to off load the kids because it is his excuse to not see you.
It is not the kids who are the problem, it is your partner who wants on relationship with you on his terms only.
I HATE when people say “He
I HATE when people say “He/she will get mad at me” as an excuse for accepting the unacceptable. So does that mean the person is going to beat you or something?
^ I vote you punch the little
^ I vote you punch the little b**** in the face and tel him to knock it the f*** off. Either you're a priority or you aren't. He should tell you EXACTLY where you stand then you make a decision based on that. He has ZERO right to be pissed off at you for expecting to be treated with some damn value.
"Then he will get mad if I do
"Then he will get mad if I do not join him"
At the end of the day these are his kids. He has nerve getting upset with you because you don't want to join him. You work just as hard and have your own interests that you want to tend to. Those kids are HIS responsibility so he needs to get over it and get use to it.
^^Yep. Call the waaaaaahm
^^Yep. Call the waaaaaahm-bulance.
If he needs someone to play Mommy, he should have stayed married to BM. It is unrealistic to expect OP to be responsible for HIS and BM's children.
Your SO and you are in very
Your SO and you are in very different places in your lives. You are kid free (from what I gather) and he is not. A couple from a nuclear family might suffer fro mteh same frustrations, but since they are both in the same place in life, it is a little more workable. You don't understand why he wants to attend all of the things for his kids. Well he may not understand why you don't understand. He's made the decision to be a very involved father (yay) and part of that is supporting his kids, not just sending someone else to do it. It's not necessarily that he doesn't appreciate or value you, it may just be that you guys just aren't in the same place at all. The best way to get through this is to talk about it. Not just once, because the first time will probably just feel like you're playing the blame game and arguing, but have a continuous conversation about your feelings, his feelings, and whether you can meet in the middle. If you don't want to meet in the middle, or he doesn't, then this isn't the right relationship for either of you.
You haven't had a date night
You haven't had a date night or been alone in MONTHS??? Gads.
My parents had 5 bio children and, for a few years, 2 foster children. Even with the wide variety of kid activities, Dad's work (AND school AND traveling), and Mom's PTA, teacher's assistant, and room mother roles, my parents "managed" to have a date night every other WEEK.
OP, the only reason you have not had a date night or alone time is because your DH is not making you and your relationship a priority. There is no reason whatsoever why he cannot hire a babysitter for a few hours. BTW, you cannot expect the grandparents to babysit - they have the option to say No every single time.
Evaluate your needs.
First Step: Take a moment and decide what it is you want in a relationship. How do you want to "feel"? What is reasonable to YOU? Identify those priorities for yourself first so that you can better articulate them.
Second Step: What are you willing to GIVE to your partner? Figure that part out. Figure out how much of your time, energy, money, love, whatever..are you willing to GIVE? 'Cause relationships are a two way street.
Third Step: Articulate what you've discovered about yourself to your partner. Tell him what you expect from him and what you're willing to give.
Fourth Step: Either accept that he won't meet your needs (see Step 1); or Walk away if he can't.
Ultimately, he's entitled to parent his children any way he wants to.
The only thing you can change is your willingness to accept what he's willing to give you.
This sounds like a step/BM
This sounds like a step/BM issue, but I'm not convinced. I think you might just prefer doing different things with your time than he does.
If he used the time he spends with his kids to go out drinking, golfing, training for a marathon, the effect would be the same. That's what he wants to do with his time and it's not what you want to do with yours.
So you tried things out with this guy and realized he enjoys spending him time in a way you don't want to spend your time. Sounds to me like it's time to end this and find someone with whom you have more in common. No foul -- you're just not a good match.
He does not put you or the
He does not put you or the relationship first. That is the death knell of a relationship with a prior relationship breeder. IMHO of course.
Equity life partners and their relationship have to be the unequivocal top priority to each other above all else including children.
Kids are the top relationship responsibility but never take priority over the equity life partnership.
Find someone who values you and a relationship with you appropriately rather than remaining with this ass who does not value his relationship with you.
Good luck.
Take care of you.