I would not want to pay more than 1/4 of the bills and given the house will go to the girls (even tho you are married), I'm not sure I would pay more than you currently are. And he earns double you do? But wants you to pay half (helping to cover his kids)?

This doesn't sound like a very good relationship, based on finances... How is the rest of the relationship? 

I don't understand this at ALL. 

I pay a few bills once a month and buy groceries every week because he legitimately needed/needs my help currently due to him starting a new job. Even then, my SO still pays off those bills for me when he can as work life gets more stable because he doesn't think I should be having to do any of this in the first place... and this is a house we will eventually leave as soon as we can! 

Your SO is over here asking you to pay mortgage on a house that isnt even yours? When he makes twice what you make? To leave to his kids? 

This is all sorts of using behavior imo. He should not be asking you to do this. You shouldn't be paying anything (unless he legitimately needed your help to not lose the house or something because then that effects you both).

I don’t really get why the kids would get the house if he passs before you. But ok. I wouldn’t be ok with that. I agree paying half a one bedroom and 1/4 of the bills. You don’t need to support his kids, that’s his job. If the house was going to you I could see paying half but otherwise hell no. 

I can’t get past that he’s leaving his house to his kids. Who does that? So he’s your landlord? Why do these men get remarried?

You pay half if he puts you on the deed for the house.  Not a penny should you be paying until then.   This is not about the house going to the Skids, this is about you not supporting his children by developing an asset for them.  He is your husband. The home you share with him is YOUR home and not HIS home to give to HIS children if you are paying the mortgage, or part of the mortgage.  If  you survive him, it is YOUR home.  If he survives you, it is HIS home to do with as he sees fit.

Unless.... you have children in which case your Will will have do deal with the disposition of your assets.

You only go halves for assets that are yours.

IMHO of course.

How much would a 3 bedroom house similar to the one you're living in rent for?  I might consider paying 25% of that amount, plus 25% of the household expenses and groceries.  That assumes you're not doing more than your fair share of the housework and child care.  If you are, then I'd reduce my contribution because of  that uncompensated work.  I also think it would be fair for your husband to pick up an even larger share of the expenses than 75% simply because he makes more.  When there's a large income disparity, splitting things evenly doesn't necessarily feel right, especially if the expenses are higher than you would choose to pay on your own because his income allows a more expensive lifestyle.  For him to expect you to pay half of the household expenses and half of the mortgage is ridiculous. 

I always struggle with this topic.  This isn't something that I have every even considered in my life or seen the people in my life consider.  Marriage is a merging of two peoples lives and fortunes.    My parents have been married for pushing 57 years and never once have they ever progressed through life as anything but equity life partners. What belongs to each of them belongs to both of them.  Marrital income is marrital income.   They have an historically traditional marriage.  Dad is the earner, mom is the heart of the family.  

My bride and I have a more contemporary version of that model.  We both work and earn and it is all marrital assets.  We don't split the mortgage, bills, etc.... it is our mortgage, they are our bills and it all represents our assets.  

Now, if one or the other of us had brought a paid off home to the marriage I could see some recognition of that in how that asset would be addressed in a Will.  But.. if there is a mortgage and marrital income (any penny earned by the labors of either partner are marrital income IMHO) then that house is a marrital asset and the ownership documents for that house should reflect that it is a marrital asset.  Certainly any equity existing in that home at the initiation of the marriage can be recognized as being brought by the applicable partner but from that initial point any equity built through the retiring of the mortgage with marrital income or growth in the market value are marrital assets.

I would not be in a relationship with a partner who informed me that the home we were paying off together was their child's home.  Nope. Not happenin.  That house would either have a for sale sign in front of it ... or a moving van.

In a marriage between two financially secure spouses distribution of the assets brought by each should be allocated as the person bringing those assets to the marriage sees fit.

Considering you’ll be getting zero equity out of this home & 3/4 of the people living there are your DuH & his kids, there is a snowballs chance in hell I’d ever agree to split the mortgage & bills down the middle. 

600 in rent & 1/4 of the bills/food is fair. Considering you’re not building equity you need to be saving for your future on your own. If you & your husband don’t have a prenup, I think a postnup would be smart. Protect yourself, this a$$ clearly isn’t thinking of anyone but himself & his offspring.

He really does not own the house, he just just bought it,  Not really own until the mortgage is payroll off. Personally I could not pay on a home that goes to my SK,  That not a relationship, if you buy a TV or washing machine.  That is yours or it’s goes with the house? If you paint the wall, that a lost can’t take the paint. 

If you are paying part of the morage and in a relationship, that house should be yours after five years or so. In my case when I was given 1/2 the house it was worth less then the money own on it.

p

Hey OP - 

To answer your original question, this arrangement is completely unfair to you in every way. 

I, too, married a man with kids as a childless woman...and it is a fundamentally unfair relationship. There's no escaping that fact. You are providing support and care for children who aren't yours, and he will never understand that sacrifice or be able to reciprocate. Even if you end up having children together...those are his kids, too. He will never do for you what you are voluntarily doing for him. 

I think that you understand this inequity deep in your soul, like I do, and it's a painful realization. That's why...when your DH then on top of not understanding or appreciating everything you've already sacrificed to be with him...turns around and suggests that you should sacrifice more...it can truly cut like a knife. 

What your DH is doing here is 1000% wrong. No spouse should feel like she/he would be better off and more financially secure without their spouse than with their spouse. No wife should watch her husband build equity for his kids and have nice things while she struggles to get by. Spouses are supposed to work together to ensure each others' well-being...one spouse isn't supposed to use the other for the benefit of his kids from a previous marriage. 

You've asked about your financial situation here, but I know from experience that finances are only part of the picture. You haven't said anything about how the child care, cooking, cleaning, and other household duties are divided up in your home...but based on you calling your stepkids "the girls" I get the feeling that you're expected to treat them like your own kids. To care for them, cook for them, drive them around...play happy family. Am I right? 

So...essentially, your husband expects you to treat "the girls" like they are your family when it comes to your time and resources...pay half the groceries, taxi them around, be super stepmom to them...but when it comes to the home, suddenly you aren't really family. Am I correct? 

The reason this feels unfair is because it is utterly unfair. Your husband can't expect you to feed and pay for these girls as if they are yours and then turn around and exclude you from any equity you're building together in that home. He can't have it both ways. 

Sadly, I see this dynamic a lot with divorced men with kids and childless women...and, again, it's not only financial. My husband had similar expectations for "one big happy family" where I loved and cherished his kids just like my own...and I often felt like he used "the kids" as a giant trump card to get everything he wanted. We have to do Christmas with my family "for the kids" and we can't do that thing you want to do "because kids" etc. It got to the point that I couldn't hear any version of "but what about the kiiiidddddssss??!" without wanting to get violent. The resentment had gotten so strong. 

Eventually I realized that marrying a man with kids didn't mean I had to give up my rights and totally erase my identity in favor of HIS family. We had a bit of a come to Jesus meeting (or several) and things changed for the better. (Of course, my DH would never have dreamed of leaving me off the deed to his house, which he did own before we got married, potentially leaving me homeless...so there's that.) 

You need to have a similar talk with your husband. You learning how to stand up for yourself and your rights within a marriage relationship does not mean that you are "arbitrarily changing the arrangement" on your husband, as a certain not-a-stepmom poster would have you believe. I once heard marriage described as one long contract negotiation...and I believe that's correct. If you are unhappy or are starting to feel resentment...you not only have the right to "renegotiate" the terms of your marriage...I believe you also have the responsibility. I mean...the only other option is for that totally understandable resentment you're feeling to simmer just below the surface until you explode and say things you regret or walk away from your marriage. Doesn't your DH deserve to know how you're feeling before that happens? 

Your DH has unfair expectations of you. It's not right to expect that you treat them like family but they don't have to treat you like family. That's the heart of the issue here.

I would give your DH two options:

1.) We're roommates. I will buy my own food that I expect will be left alone, pay 1/4 of utilities, and pay a reasonable "rent" for my portion of the one room that I rent (By my calculations, 1/2 of 1/3 of the house = $366 a month out of a $2200 mortgage. You can round it up to $400 if you're feeling generous. You shouldn't be paying any of the insurance on the home because it isn't your asset to protect)

2.) We're spouses and family. You put my name on the deed and I will pay a percentage of the mortgage that's in keeping with our respective income levels, 1/2 the groceries on non-kid weeks, and 1/4-1/3 of utilities (because it's still not your job to pay for his kids). 

You should start the conversation with your DH by saying something like: "DH, I've been thinking about your request...and I've realized I am no longer willing to sacrifice my time, energy, and financial security on the altar of your children. We need to talk." 

Go from there. 

You  an get a $300,000 life insurance policy on DH so if he dies you have money to buy something. 

you can put $1000 a month is done type of 401 or saving account . So in 30 years you would have $400,000. Or some combo of both ot these 

To me this conversation confirms how most look at SMs--as sloppy seconds.  All this talk about yours, mine, and very little ours, trying to equate spouses to tennants, weighing everything on a scale and it is supposed to come out "equal" and so on.  Nonesense.  This type of language is rarely used even when a couple just want to live together, and it is even rarer to use it with a 1st marriage.

However, surprise!, it seems to come up all the time with second marriages, even if if is just one of the partners who is getting married for the second time.  If it is the other partners first time, well. . .  too bad for her or him.  S/he has just joined the sloppy seconds club regardless.

A marriage is not two people giving 50:50.  It is two people giving 100% all the time.  And, a marriage is a marriage.  There is a marriage and then there is a roommate or tennant.  It is extremely humiliating for me (and I'm sure other SMs) to see people continually try to treat my marriage to my husband more as if I am a rommate or tennant.  I'm not.  I'm a spouse.  End of story. 

Why is your DH no longer okay with the current finanical arrangements? He feels what he feels, but it doesn't mean he's right. You think you're paying enough, and it sounds reasonable to me, considering the salary discrepancies.

Take the emotion out of it, sit down with your DH and use an excel spreadsheet, etc. and break down all the costs/expenses. How much food/water/electricity is being used by him and the skids? Do you spend lots on clothes and eating out while he eats a bagged lunch every day? Does he have expensive hobbies like golf, etc? 

Ask DH what his intentions are for the house. You're assuming he's leaving it to the kids. He may be intending to leave it to you and that's why he wants you paying more? 

I think she left because she realized that she was getting taken by her DH.

I’m definitely interested in hearing back from the OP, I think money is always a touchy subject. But, I think we all need to be ruthless about it in today’s world (to a point). 

What I mean by this in the OPs circumstance is she is paying into something she will never receive from. Now, I know in some instances, like renting, that’s pretty much what happens, but that’s NOT her case.

Shes married, so she shouldn’t be in the state of “renting,” anyway! If the husband ever sells the house, she’s entitled to nothing. If he is really giving the house to the kids in the event of his death, she’s getting nothing. Aren’t we all working towards something in our lives, and not just throwing away money frivolously? I don’t think this is a great set up for her. 

If her name goes on the title, then fine. Pay half because she’s entitled to half. But at the point, I’d just recommend helping with the utilities and weekly expenses- not even rent! As his wife, that’s a bit ridiculous to me (trying not to judge, but look out for OPs best interest). 

Money issues are always tough, especially in blended families, but this just does not seem fair to you. Would he be willing to refinance and add you to the mortgage, if you are even interested in that? Do you even WANT to stay in this house, or would you rather move into a "ours" house with your DH? It sounds like you are paying more than what it would cost to rent your own place. He should be paying the majority of those bills (in my opinion) since the house is not in your name, you are not the beneficiary of said house, AND he has kids - he needs to pay their share too!

I have been there op. Get your own savings account and retirement IRA. $600 is enough. Splitting household bills is unfair to YOU. Make sure you have a good car. I suggest that he sell the house as he can't afford it. Then, u can buy something together. House should go to you if he dies. Upon your death the kids would inherit...but not before. My husband has much more in savings than I do bc he's very thrifty. He'd rather have money invested than new furniture, car, or take a vacation. After 25 years, it's getting worse....not better.  

However, he does use his own savings for skids. That is something I learned to insist on the hard way. 

The sad thing is, you wouldn't think a husband and wife acting like husband a wife would be a hot topic, would you?  You wouldn't think that a husband taking care of his wife in her old age and a wife taking care of her husband in his old age would be a hot topic, would you?  Or, you'd think it would be simply common knowledge that a husband and wife share things together and plan for a future together--that their life is much more "ours" than "your stuff" and "my stuff."

But, welcome to the crazy backward world of step-parenting, where some people, even so-called professionals, like to pretend that dad and SM can be married for years, and yet there is no such thing as "ours"--just yours and mine.

Pay what is equal to a 1 bedroom apartment you could rent with the same specs. Because the reality is that you could also live in the apartment on your own and just "date" him until his kids are grown and this whole argument would be null. 

This situation is why you get a fresh start when you get married.  You do not move into a house either of you had prior to marriage unless you agree to share it.  Both names on the deed both parties 50/50. Anything less is just asking for failure and starting off with tremendously low expectations!! 

If either of  you have children from a prior marriage then that is what trusts are set up for.  The house can be lived in by the surviving spouse until their death, and when both are gone then it would go to all of the children involved on both sides. 

That being said I do not know what state you are in but in most states you can't leave a spouse nothing.  So if the house becomes part of the estate many states have the spouse entitled to a certain portion.  So good luck to him leaving the house and all of his possessions to his children.  

No one would ever think any of this was ok with a first marriage so why would anyone think it is ok to have a spouse live like a renter paying rent and expenses and then being left homeless with nothing in the event of their spouses death? INSANE!!  

Again, no one here is arguing that finances shouldn't be discussed.  That goes without saying--of course they should be.  What SPs are arguing here and often have to argue elsewhere is that there is this recurring theme on these boards that "if he pays his bills and pays for his kids, then you don't get any say over how he spends HIS money!!!" 

When you are married, there really is no such thing as your money and my money.  However DH and SM set up their finances--fine--it is up to them.  But, I find too many non-SPs like to imply or for some bizarre reason think that all SPs and their partners set it up for yours, mine and no ours.  Or, they like to think that that is the only way or ideal way to do it.

For most, it is not.  For most, just like any other married couple, SPs and their partners have your, mine AND ours.  Thus, just like any other married couple, if the husband is spending money on hunting, fishing, other women, drinking, and so on (and, yes, this includes children), this affects BOTH the husband and wife's finances.  A SP doesn't have to spend even one dime on her SKs to be paying for them, quite literally. 

It does appear to me that the OP and her husband had engaged in some extensive discussion of their financial expectations prior.  Didn’t help them at all.  Why?  Because like many, including DH himself in this situation, dad’s wife was treated more like a roommate, ho or tenant vs. a wife.

Approximately five years ago, after being married to my DH for 14 years, I had my eyes opened about how it was possible for even my own husband to “conveniently” forget I was his wife.  I worked extremely hard these last five years to get him to finally see that I am a wife period, and not just a buddy that he can treat as a wife whenever he or someone else so choses. 

Whatever his children think or grandchildren will come to think, I don’t give a damn.  I just feel comfortable knowing that my DH and I are husband and wife and we will treat each other as husband and wife and we will take care of each other like husband and wife ‘til the end or our days.

You are married.  You are not a tenant.  Do not pay a penny for an asset that is not yours.  He either puts you on the deed or sells the home, puts the proceeds in trust for his kids, and the two of you purchase a home together, or you live for free.

I'm not sure how this isn't fair? Why wouldn't his kids get the house if he passed away? How are you being "used"?? Did you go into the marriage looking for a nice home to acquire, once your husband died? I doubt it. Nice things cost money. Pay your half. It's not like the kids can go get jobs! Why is this even an issue??

OP, if you're still around, how did this play out? Update please?

Here comes my old guy traditional perspective. He is your DH, it is his  responsibility to provide housing, food, etc... for the family.  That said, in equity life partnerships, the incomes of the mates are "marital" income.  It all goes to paying the bills, retirement investments, etc, etc, etc.

When the whole yours, mine, and ours thing comes into play it can get complicated.  If I moved into a mate's home, why would I  pay for anything other than food, and contribute to elevated basic expenses?  The basic household expenses are covered and were covered before I was invited to move in.  If the couple moves into a joint home, that is an entirely different story. For damned sure I would not be contributing to the support of an asset that I was not an equity partner in regarding ownership.  In that case I am not a tenant, I am a resident and partner to the provider of the shelter. 

IMHO the way to go is to sell individual homes, or flip them into a rental property asset, and buy a joint home together.  The partner who owned the newly designated rental, retains that asset.

When my DW and I married we had nothing but my newly printed engineering degree, we married 4 mos after I graduated, two apartments full of college furniture, and one 8yo truck.  My brother and I owned a condo together which we sold when we graduated from college, we split the profits of that sale.   

Since then my DW and I have built our life, and assets, together.  So we never had the complexities to deal with that seem to be in play in so many blended family marriages.

Paying half is too much. Paying 1/4. That is fair. Damn these divorced people with kids are always after your wallet! There's never any doubt about that. As sure as the sun rises these divorced parents are always after our money.

and take out a life insurance policy on him for yourself. Just tell him since you are living in a house getting no equity or asset despite being MARRIED, you need to protect your future.