If your SO doesn’t want the test or care, neither should you!  Not your business to get a test done.   

I can understand your curiosity to know the paternity but if he doesn't care to have one done than there isn't much you can do. Let's say you did do this, if you get results that the child isn't his and you approach him on it.....will he care, will he be upset, will it change anything?

No. It’s not your place to do one and I see it turning out bad no matter what happens.

BM is a known cheater and for both kids she only told SO she was pregnant after he caught her cheating. As you can guess when he told me this I asked him if he was sure both kids are his. His answer is yes. Doesn’t matter if DNA said they aren’t tomorrow because he sees them as his and I can either accept that or not.

is paying CS through the courts?  Hasn't he conceded to paternity?

Home tests are wildly inaccurate it's something like 40% of tests can be wrong. Even if it did come back with a result one way or the other, it shouldn't be trusted. 

What would be your plan?
 

You: SO, I've done a paternity test, behind your back, and it says the child is not yours!!"

SO:  Get out of my house. Now.

I'm going against the popular opinion here. Yes, absolutely. Have him get a paternity test. I don't know your backstory, but if you were together with him before you thought he had this child, it is absolutely YOUR problem too. This would be a dealbreaker for me. He needs to take your feelings into account here. That's a lot of money going out of your household for a child whose BM claims is his. Is he just going to let a bunch of other women hop on this money train too? 

He has accepted paternity in court. Even if a paternity test shows that he is not the biological father, he is the legal father. A paternity test will not change his legal status.

He chose not to get a paternity test. That ship has sailed. So NO, do not do a secret paternity test. It is time to accept that the child is his (because it is his child no matter what a paternity test may show).

This came up in another post. Paternity.

I would say that you should have him get the child tested. If he is court ordered to pay child support, better to know, and have the chance to NOT pay it, and sooner is better. If you are starting to be resentful NOW of the TROLL taking $$$ from your household, over time you will feel WORSE. Especially when you want your own children.

Either way, get the paternity test, make that a major toic of discussion. Because when you get married, your finances will be tied up even more closely. I know for myself, I really have started resenting the 347 that flies out of DH's wallet and into Toxic Troll's bank account. Even more than the alimony!!! I dearly love Munchkin SD12, but despise the BM.

Well it's really not your place so overall, no. Though I get where people are coming from with the hes her dad no matter what, I always wonder about the real biodad. It just seems wrong that someone has no clue they have a child and another man is raising it because BM lied. Dh didn't know if SD was his until after she was born and BM never told the other possible dads because she was hoping it was DHs. Dh said he was there for the birth a d everything because he would never get over it if it turned out she was his and I'm just like okay so what if it's someone else's and they didnt get the chance to be there?

Yes. Absolutely. The kid is so young that y’all need to make sure if you’re about to put up with this crazy BM that she can’t come back at 16 and say “just kidding you’re not the dad” and run off with the kid after years of getting attached and paid child support. Tell him it’s just something he will have to get done eventually anyway so he might as well do it now. 

Well first, I'd never be with a man who didn't even know if the kid was him but was paying for it and making me fing watch him. NO! But let me help you further. DO NOT marry this man. Your life will be miserable forever. DO NOT marry someone with children. Or someone stupid enough to not get a paternity test to begin with. How else will his stupididy rear it's ugly head?

We did a home DNA test on SD when she was 5. ExH knew she might not be his but was in denial when she was born.  By this time, SD was his child regardless - Either way he was keeping visitation and child support. However, BM moved 800 miles away. If we were going to fight to bring SD back, I had to know to fork up that kind of money. We did a home test because he knew BM would hold it against him and tell SD all kinds of nasty things. SD was exH bio child and exH got custody.

I believe there should be a paternity test done when every baby is born (yes I know this would never happen). Everyone has a right to know whether or not the child they are being told is theirs is actually theirs. I agree with the paternity test, but I think it should be done through the court. I know this is different state to state, but where I live, I have a friend who had a baby with a man she was not married to. He did sign the birth certificate, but later questioned the paternity (thought the kid looked nothing like him and found out the friend had been with another man). He had a paternity test done through court, and if it ended up not being his child he would NOT have to support that child and could be removed from the birth certificate (it did end up that the child was his). You'll have to find out how it works in your state and whether he can be removed from the birth certificate or what their process is like. And what will your fiancee do if its not his kid? Does he still want to support and see the kid?

It’s respectable and honorable in a way that your fiancé doesn’t care. However, him tackling the father role is going to impact your life and your finances so if you feel it’s a deciding factor in whether or not you want to be married to this man, you need to know. Just don’t go in expecting him to depart from that role even if it’s not his child. Keep in mind you can only control your next move

Absolutely. I would do the test if I were you.  That your DH tolerates BM to potentially defraud him with the responsibility of raising a child that is not his would not be something I would tolerate if I were  you.

Hello,

although you can have a simple curiosity test or a legal DNA test, I would recommend that you get the legal. Often oncew a non-lagal test is done, and the results are not what they want, they run for the hills.  If you buy a lagal dna test from an AABB accredited lab, then your test results will be valid in all 50 states, and the law can catch with them and get you the CS you need....  Check out https://www.paternityusa.com/legal-paternity-testing/ you can get a legal DNA test for only $175 at you doctor's office for the DNA collection.

Where there is any ambiguity over a child's origins a DNA test should be done. 

Absolutely you should.  Why allow this woman to extort money from your marrital resources if your DH is not the biodad?

Giving DH clarity if it turns out that he is not the biodad will go a long way in purging this woman from your lives.

If it turns out that DH is the father... what he doesn't know regarding you having the test done won't hurt him.

Either way, you will know what playing field your playing on regarding your status as an SM.... or not.