After years of contention, and years of me being the Skid primary caregiver and only present parent, I asked my husband if I could skip mediation to attend a field trip with our daughter.  My biological kids have been on the back burner since entering this relationship and a year ago I said "no more!"  We are in a highly volatile situation where BM enjoys hurting me and him as much as possible.  Every time I see her she laughs at me, or violated the Reteaining order my husband got against her in an attempt to get his attention and also to irritate me.  I have distanced myself from the situation and have NO desire to waste one more moment of my life in upset, hurt, or misery.  I further, don't want to deal with anymore images of my husband nervous and enjoying it when she is jealous or he looks good.  I understand they were very heated their entire marriage and that now where there was love there is this endless need for hurt, but I also understand that if either of them had truly moved on she would respect the restraining order, not walk back to our mediation room, not look laughingly at me as I'm caring for her kids, and he wouldn't get nervous and feel anything for her at this point.  Anyway, I told him.

 last night I didn't want to go to the mediation and that I felt I would hinder it,  I told him I no longer want his destructive (fighting like animal) kids left with me all day and night, and that I had my own life to live.  I reminded him that I had done so willingly for six years, but that I had even had to take them to OBGyN appointments when I was pregnant with our kids because both he and their BM didn't want to be around them at all.  They have horrid ADHD, and SEVERE behavioral problems.  I have left embarrassed from every store or restaurant I've taken them in for the past seven years.

 Well, that went over really well let me tell you.  Next thing I know I'm selfish.  We are supposed to be a team, and what if he has to work late?  He can't leave (OUR BUSINESS) for an hour to go get them from school to pick them up from school?  But, apparently he thinks I can leave MY BUSINESS to do just that, and or NOt even have a business or pay my debt because of HIS AND HER little miniature Hitlers.  

He said that the outcome of this mediation will determine our lives going forward.  Whether we move to a new state, like I want to get away from her and her narcissistic ability to screw our lives over, or stay.  Whether we close our business or not ALL rides on little abusive hell raiders who steal, record our private conversations for Mommy, and beat the crap out of each other every five minutes,  and our kids together when they see an opportunity.  So, I am feeling resentful that as I try to take back power over my time and life, I am met with anger and outright coldness on his side, and also told that all life decisions are based on what Mommy dearest decides to do, and then that he wants custody of kids he rarely watches, but then so does she.  He wants custody (I mean sole) of kids that EVERY time they enter our home Bring their Mommy dearest with them.  Every time they leave they take something of mine or their sisters.  Mail, money, dishes, toys, makeup, jewelry, you name it, they have stolen it for her.  So, a Must i wrong for NOT wanting to go?  And i wrong for feeling that anyway I influence his decision is a wrong situation?  I believe yes, and I told him his visitation and custody needs to be based on what he wants and the time he can actually spend with his kids.  It should t be based on my willinglness to babysit every night alone.  Why even bring them to our house at all?  What do you think?  Have you guys ever skipped a court proceeding or mediation?  How did you SO react?  Did I just come across Wrong?