Picture this...

You decide one morning you are finally going to start meditating.  You make yourself some calming tea, light your new lavender candle, find some yoga music to stream, and head to your fluffy rug with a comfy cushion in hand.  All set.  Let's do this.  With your eyes gently closed, you start focusing on your breathing, and think, "Ah...this is niiiice.  I'm so glad I'm finally doing this." 

After years of contention, and years of me being the Skid primary caregiver and only present parent, I asked my husband if I could skip mediation to attend a field trip with our daughter.  My biological kids have been on the back burner since entering this relationship and a year ago I said "no more!"  We are in a highly volatile situation where BM enjoys hurting me and him as much as possible.  Every time I see her she laughs at me, or violated the Reteaining order my husband got against her in an attempt to get his attention and also to irritate me.