I didn’t read your whole post.. you seem to have a talent for finding women who aren’t good partners & use you for what they can get. I’d quit dating for a while & talk to a counsellor/therapist to understand what you’re doing to attract people like this into your life.

If her DD didn’t think twice about filing a report against her own father, do you really think she won’t do the same to you? Also, co-sleeping with a kid her age?? Why doesn’t she have her own room/sleep on the couch at your GFs place. Get rid of this chick, her drama isn’t worth it.

You need to hold the bar higher for who you allow into your life, this has been a pattern for you.

I read your post in its entirety and all I can think is OOF.

Your girlfriend and her daughter are some bonafide damaged goods. You can be emotionally, physically, and financially supportive all day long, but at the end of the day you’ll most likely always be the ‘bad guy’ rubbing salt in their unresolved wounds.

You’re correct - there’s a gazillion giant crimson flags waving all over the place. Forgive me if I overlooked it, but is the daughter in therapy? As in, serious, weekly therapy, like EMDR?

There definitely is a lot to unpack here, by remaining in this relationship. If you are in for going the distance, I would hold off on cohabiting, because it sounds albsolutely necessary that you always have a place of your own to go to. To recalibrate. To take a long breather, and to be safe from potential accusations when you feel uncomfortable situations bubbling at the surface. 

However, one whiff of criticisim of the daughter, and we have an issue.  It's like all of the good things I do are immediately zeroed out if I ever say anything about the daughter.  And I am talking about a lot of good things, and a lot of support, being invalidated by a few words in a few seconds. 

This right here says everything you need to know.  Forget the daughter's anxiety, or that the son can't get his crap together at school or your bad day at work or her bad day at work.

This - regardless of the history that has shaped her into this woman - is what you're facing.  She needs to work on herself a whole heck of a lot (don't even consider the kids) before she is ready to be a healthy partner for anyone.

With this being her MO it could mean a) she's emotionally stunted and has never learned to properly handle her emotions so she lashes out at discomfort or embarrassment b) she's not emotionally stunted and in full control but finds benefit in being manipulative c) you are not wanted for you (perceived flaws and all) and the support deemed appropriate i.e. enabling is not only the expectation but an entitlment.

Think long and hard about the positives this woman and her family bring to your life.  Then take a look at how much effort you're realistically willing to exert in maybe hopefully pointing her in the right direction for her to grow up and become a healthy partner.  Let's face it, you can't force her or do the work for her.  

You are worth more than the value you have allowed her to assign you.  Heck you're worth more than the value you've assigned to yourself.  That should be your focus - working on you.  Not dragging her kicking and screaming to healthy coping mechanisms.  

Try to stay away from the sunk cost fallacy.  Based on your posts this is not a relationship you'd be wise to continue pouring your resources into.  Close the door and focus on you for a while.

Wow... Momjeans is right. There is a lot to unpack here.

First, it seems that you are drawn to women that are takers. Some people, myself included, are natural givers and fixers. It is just what we do. I think that there are "takers" out there that can spot a "giver" 100 miles away and chew them up and spit them out and move on to the next one. 

I am NOT saying this is your girlfriend, but I don't think that she really has your best interest at heart either. To me, when in a committed relationship, you don't talk to exes. That is all there is to that. It is a betrayal of trust. Also, you don't make "I" choices, you make "we" choices. What is best for both of us. I don't think your girlfriend does that. 

Since you are the type to want to help and do the right things and be a good guy, I fear that you are walking into a emotionally straining and soon to be financially strained relationship. Her daughter isn't going to change. GF takes offense when you come up with a plan to help her son pass a class... Seriously? That is some dumb shit right there. 

I would back off with this one, which I know can be very hard to do. Open up to casual dating. See if you can find someone more compatible with your life style- Kid free!! Financially stable. Secure enough that she isn't leaving old boy friends on the hook just in case you guys don't work out. 

Too many issues! I would not put it past the daughter to file a false report on you if she was willing to do it with her own father. The mother doesn't want to change, she just wants you to accept her as she is. It sounds like she is using you, or will be if you move in together.

As far as the anxiety, it is hard to say. Anxiety is a real disorder. I know because I have it and it can be very difficult to live with. I also know many people milk it or say they have it when they haven't actually been diagnosed. Is she seeing a doctor for it? It's hard to treat on your own, most people need professional help with it.

That aside, it just sounds like a whole lot of issues you don't need to deal with!

In your last post, you said, "I don't want to be alone, and I find myself having to make a lot compromises in order to get into relationships.  Settling, in other words."

Then, you wrote, "In my view, a bad relationship is better than no relationship."

You are wrong, a bad relationship is not better than no relationship. It's what you tell yourself because you are afraid to be alone. If you are not comfortable being alone, you will keep finding and settling for women like this. And as long as you are in a bad relationship, you won't be free to pursue a healthy one.

You are going to have to love yourself before someone else of value will love you. You have to be okay with you. You have to be willing to demand some respect and have some standards.

You say that you are "not the greatest looking guy". Who cares? That is not what a solid relationship is based on. You have to be confident that the other things that you have to offer are worth more than looks. 

I think your ex-wife did a number on you and you need to work through that. And you need to work through it as a single man, without the distraction of a dysfunctional relationship.

She has no relationhship with her father, and filed a CPS report because he supposedly liked to look at her while she was walking through the house nude on the way from the bathroom to her bedroom. 

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This is something VERY wrong with your girlfriends daughter. I have daughters and they would NEVER ever walk around nude.

Frankly I dont blame her bio father for cutting ties...hell, bio dad should be thankful cps investigators did their job ..HE could have landed in the clinker.

Good Luck with your decisions you have made.

There is something serious wrong with the daughter. It’s her choice to run around the house nude. first problem. Then report her father. Second problem.  Your GF is not only putting you on the back burner, you are not even on the stove, third problem. Spending into bankruptcy it’s a choice, many people live there life without going brankrup. Fourth problem.  Most likely something serious wrong with GF, fifth problem. GF rather co sleep with daughter then you. What does not have to happen. Up to sixth problem.

You know GF and her kids are dysfunctional people.  If you stay involved, you are going to become the new bankrup EX.  This is the beginning of the relationship and it’s bad. Relationship get worst as time goes on.  You are already starting in a relationship you are getting nothing out of. She doesn’t want to have sex with you. Or DD would be sleeping on the floor and you in her bed. 

Hi Paul.

This woman and both of her kids have problems well above your paygrade. The best she could ever muster would still be far, far below what's healthy or what you deserve.

You're never going to get your needs met with her. It's time to move on.

Nothing changes unless you change you, your approach, and your mindset. Your picker is bent, my friend. But I'll tell you, mid life is a terrific time to work on ourselves and evolve. 

So get some therapy, perhaps with a seasoned female therapist. Read the book Codependent No More. Be alone for a while, and be mindful about breaking away from what's comfortable.

When you feel strong in your new mindset, try only dating childfree women. I know plenty of them, and they're out there enjoying life, not sleeping with teenagers.

OP,  You have recieved a lot of good advice here.. some more blunt than others.  I have to say that "on paper", your GF has quite a few less desirable things going on.  Now, I'm sure that there are also some things about her that are just lovely... and that not ALL your time is terrible together.

But, there are some things that look like they are going to be long term drags on her..

1.  It sounds like she is pretty shaky in a financial sense.  Know that if you stay with her, you will most likely end up toting a much larger share of the financial weight.. and may be subject to bailing her out on numerous occasions for her poor financial decision making.

2.  She has two kids that BOTH have issues.  I understand that it's natural for her to go defensive when she percieves an attack on her kids.. which she is seeing as a judgement on HER success or failure in raising them.  Like with her son.. you see a problem.. the kid isn't doing well. You naturally want to help by pitching in but also by ensuring that you just don't band aid it once and have the problem return.. ie how to not allow it to keep happening.  Men (typically) see a problem and go about trying to fix it.. Women don't always approach things from that same viewpoint. 

3.  Yeah.. that daughter that she has coddled and enabled and allowed her to turn the household upside down.  A medical issue is not an excuse for the rest of your life to behave poorly.  Mom let her have a BF live there?  Her daughter accused her own father of ogling her? And she isn't in therapy?  So much going on here.. and honestly you can't even begin to be part of the fix.

I think the bottom line is that your GF has a lot of issues that SHE needs to work on.. herself.. her finances.. her kids.  I don't think she is really "datable" until she does deal with this stuff.

Oh Paul, I got to the part where you were dating a bisexual woman and concluded that you must really like drama.  I'm going to make some popcorn and read some more later.  

Paul, you can change this. You can change your programming, thereby changing your mindset and enabling yourself to step away from patterns that don't serve you well.

There are men who don't find themselves in these dysfunctional types of relationships. Why do you think that is? It's not that they are all richer, or better looking. It's because they are drawn to healthier norms than you.

I've "known" you through this site for many years now, and want good things for you. This is fixable. Invest some time, money, and effort in therapy and you'll see that having a woman in your life doesn't have to be so angsty.

I remember you from your last post. No one with any sense who has been through the relationships you describe would subscribe to the theory that a bad relationship is better than no relationship. You are either addicted to drama, very damaged or lying about the whole scenario. Please get some help or accept that you will always attract users.

Your woman "picker" needs to be reset.

Ask yourself this: Do you think you like to date attractive women with problems as this is the only type of woman you can get because of your looks?

While your loyalty is admirable, as long as you're tethered to someone who's not right for you, you won't find someone who is the best match.

It's true that as you get older, the people you date have more problems and baggage, but so do you. The key is finding baggage that fits nicely with your own baggage. And not staying in too long when you see so many red flags.

Your girlfriend sounds as if she really has her hands full with her kids. She wasn't in the right place to date when you met and she shouldn't have been on the market. She needs to get her house in order before bringing a man into the situation. She should be self sufficient and a strong leader to her kids before she dates. Maybe she got a raw deal with the daughter having so many problems, but that's the risk people take when they procreate. As long as her kids have so many problems, she can't evaluate or steer her relationship with you -- there's too much chaos to assess how you would be as a mate.

And you...this was probably a sinking ship when you met, but here you are still in this mess. She might not know that the best thing for her and her family is for her to be alone and get her shit together, but you know it. So back away, let her be head of her household. Let her work out her family issues because as just a boyfriend, you don't really have much role in all of it. Maybe in a year or three, she'll have done the work she needs to do to be ready for a man in her life. But why should you sit around waiting?

It's one thing for a potential mate to have a bad habit. It's another for a potential mate to have people for whom she's responsible -- then you get all the bad habits of all those people. She can't just shake off those kids. I know how hard it is to meet people -- I lived in a place where the buzz of NASCAR filled the streets on weekends. I might as well have been on the moon. But you can't make someone be the right fit if they just aren't.

You seem like a nice, loyal, contemplative guy with a decent job and (apparently) no kids. You are a catch, even if you don't realize it. Don't push the panic button and end up with someone else's problems. Start to think of yourself as that catch you are so you are as discriminating as you need to be as you navigate dating.

PS: I don't think your past relationships indicate that you're bad at dating. There are a lot of losers out there. But you must be your advocate when you date. Don't give women money. If they're asking for money, dump 'em. They shouldn't be dating if they can't afford their rent. If they need money, DON'T OFFER IT. That is not a sound way to date because it's actually prostitution. You can't buy their way out of a lifetime of poor decisions! Find someone who only needs out of the relationship what YOU need out of it -- someone to go to dinner with, someone to go to concerts, someone to complain to after a bad day, someone to have sex with, someone to confide in, etc. When you start giving stuff that you're not asking for yourself, it's time to examine the relationship to be sure it's legit.

Oh boy.  Where do I start?

Seriously. There is so much drama here. The daughter will always be a thorn in your relationship and thos situation is unlikely to get better. Your girlfriend's sensitivity at anything she even remotely perceives to be a criticism will grow and grow til you resent her and realize, none of the crap you're enduring is worth it.