9 yr old SD Socially immature
I have a 9 yr old SD who the majority of the time is fantastic. She’s extremely polite if you ask her to do something she does it without hesitation, really a great kid. Lately I’ve been struggling with some issues though. She goes to a very small private school with 9 kids in her grade. She is actually a grade above where she should be because she’s intelligent, however on a maturity level, she gets along with my 6 year old niece perfectly. We constantly have to remind her to brush her hair and teeth, hygiene is something that is a constant struggle. She just recently got her period and I’m afraid her mother didn’t really explain it to her. When you try to talk to her about anything and literally looks like at any moment she will burst into tears. I’m struggling because I feel like my fiancé thinks I’m attacking his parenting every time I talk about it, but she is so socially awkward and oblivious to the world. My fiancé and I live on our own and both work full time. SDs mom lives with her parents and works part time, and has a newer baby. I guess what I’m asking is over the summer how can I slowly help her gain knowledge, and become more self sufficient.
This is fairly common for
From my experience, this is is fairly common for kids who attend really small schools. We had a very small K-8 private school that fed two local high schools students that aged out. Most of the incoming freshman from the private school were socially "off." Some managed to work out their quirks and kinks by college. Others will just always be socially awkward.
I would try to find her as many groups and activities you can outside her school.
Stay out of it.
Because you will be the bad one. It will be all your fault. This is the way both BM and your BF brought this kid up. You are attacking the parenting of BM and your SO. They in turn will attack you.
Dont do anything....this is
Dont do anything....this is up to the bio parents.
Always be kind and warm to her, she is only 9
Agree with above. Don't do
Agree with above. Don't do anything. Stop caring about it b/c it will make you crazy.....trust me. My SD11 goes to a HUGE school and is still the same as you described. BM still buys her toddler toys. Doesn't brush her hair or teeth....looks like she rolled around in a laundry pile and came out with some nasty outfit that is too small.
Nothing you will ever do will change any of this and it is not going away any time soon. My SD 16 is about a true 10 year old and SD11 is about 6. Both in advanced classes at school b/c they are smart. I am working on disengaging completley....it is hard but worth it.
My SD is 11, goes to a larger
My SD is 11, goes to a larger public school, and is still this way. She won't brush her teeth, shower, clean up her things, etc. unless she is told to. She has always been that way. If you say anything, you're attacking her and you're the evil stepmom - I totally get that part, it was the same here. I think its the parents more than the school.
I guess what I’m asking is
I guess what I’m asking is over the summer how can I slowly help her gain knowledge, and become more self sufficient.
I know you're trying to be helpful but I would keep out of it. To answer your question YOU shouldn't help her gain knowledge and become more self sufficient. That is entirely up to her parents. If they fail to do so that is on them and you shouldn't be burdened with it. In the end your good intentions will come off as you attacking her. Hopefully as she gets older she'll grow out of the "socially awkward" stage.
Sitting back
It’s so hard to just sit back. I don’t see how that is beneficial to her. I have a good relationship with BM. I just don’t want her to feel lost in life.
Trust me when I say this. The
Trust me when I say this. The sooner that you realize that how sd turns out in life is not your responsibility the better things will be.
i literally cringe going out in public with my skids with their unmatched too small clothes with ratty hair but it’s not my problem to address.
Social immaturity is
Social immaturity is sometimes just the result of lack of appropriate social interaction. Does your SD have friends? Particularly friends who you find to be more socially adept/mature? If so, have her father arrange for them to spend time together. Simply watching the interactions of other kids helps. Do her parents coddle her? If so, try to convince your husband to treat her in a more age appropriate way. Encourage your husband to sign her up for age appropriate activities and get her involved with things - camps, sports, etc. Her parents should take the lead, but IMO, as an adult in the household you DO have a vested interest in her being a clean, socially appropriate child who will eventually launch. If you can get your husband to see that changes are necessary and she needs some help and guidance, that's a plus.
He agrees with me on
He agrees with me on everything. When SD is at Moms she has 4 different adults. BM lives with her parents. We think BMs father is to involved in the parenting of her. Mom definitely coddles her. SD has friends, but they are kind of different. She’s in Girl Scouts she goes to camps and makes new friends. It’s just certain situations that concern me.
We constantly have to remind
In all honesty, this actually isn’t that abnormal for a 9-year-old. Even for a girl.
There are wonderful age appropriate books about hygiene/self-care/just taking care of one’s body in general out there. Maybe get her a couple of books?