Horrible pointless idea and not one single thing good will come from it. Don’t do it.

Keep it casual. How do you handle drop offs? Can you just go along on a drop off or pick up and step out of the car and say "Hi?" Does the child have an activity that you could attend just long enough to say "hello" and then leave?

If things are not amicable, it does not seem like a good idea to have an "official" meeting somewhere.

I don't see the point in this IMO. 

You can naturally meet each other at a school event or something. Anything beyond that seems unnecessary. 

You're asking where it is appropriate to meet without accepting that it isn't appropriate, or necessary, to meet and size up one another. In one meeting, none of you are going to get a good understanding of who each of you are as people, so unless this is a "first date" of sorts to grow a relationship where you all get along, this is an exercise in futility.

Don't participate. If your GF wants to meet the GF of her ex, then she is more than welcome to meet them at a coffee shop or park with the daughter there. Her being there gives everyone someone else to focus on and should keep folks on better behavior.

The parents of this kid must vet their ex’s future partners or spouses for approval before they can be around the child and no judge would be dumb enough to do that. 

My husbands ex wife demanded 5 years after kidnapping their 2 daughters and ceasing contact that she was a newly changed religious woman for the sake of her kids and wanted hubby to come to her home with her husband for the 1st meet with kids and she used the daughters to coax him

hubby divorced her for a reason, that relationship has ended, he wants nothing to do with her or see her or be in her presence. Hubby refused to meet at her new husbands home, she is not welcome in our home and no bogus “its for the kids” will be a good enough excuse...

i hate when parents say “its for the kids”, the 2 parents need to grow up and behave like adults and stop bringing their kids like pawns into adult issues. 

I know people who in a divorce have an agreement that you do not introduce a so unless you’ve been in a committed relationship for at least 6 months just for stability because its hard for young kids to see parents ho-banging around different men and women frequently and their kids exposed to it

i have no intention bein around my husbands exwife, she and her family make me feel uneasy and all the batshit crazy shit they do, you’re smart to keep your distance

Its a set up by BM.  Don’t count on there is no feelings with the EX. There is always some feelings. They shared a bed and other things before 

OP, I know you feel like people piled on you - that's because many of us experienced the BM feeling like she had the right to meet us and approve who was around her children, as if that was an appropriate thing.

Just all say hello to each other and go on your way.  Honestly, in 9 years, I've said nothing more than hello to BM, I've never sat down and had a conversation with her, hell to the no.  If your wife and her ex's GF are going to have a positive relationship it will develop on its own.

And by the way, stop believing everything she says about him unless you see evidence of it for yourself.

It's just an excuse to be nosy.

Does she want to meet ALL your friends? The parents of any kids that live near you? The cashier at the store you go to?

Realistically, what's the purpose of meeting? Is there an expectation that you will break up if you don't meet the ex's criteria?

Is your SO requiring your ex's approval of you to move forward in the relationship or something? 

There is ZERO reason to plan a meeting.

Let it happen naturally.... some event or something. 

I think meeting at pickup/dropoff is the best idea. That's where DH and I met BM's fiance, and that's how BM met me (earlier, before she knew her fiance). It seemed natural, and opened the door for further contact if necessary or desired. The thought of a double date with BM and her fiance is downright creepy to me.

In 11 years together I've never had a conversation with BM other than hi, bye, or a quick text occasionally if I was picking up it dropping off on my own (rare occasion). I've never even seen one of BMs boyfriend's.

If your SO and her ex had a good relationship and they wanted to be the type of parents that have meetings together and really coparent if say get coffee. You say they're is tension so I would not go through with the meeting at all. They need to resolve their own issues before other people are brought into this.

I think you have love blinders on because this is not about the kids this is absolutely about control and/or being nosy. If you're that worried about things turning bad then meeting will probably cause more issues not less.

Oh Lordy. 

Good to hear it went smoothly... until it doesn’t. 

Her ex’s girl could peace out tomorrow, then poof, there goes the woman who has been playing a role in the daughter’s life. Same could be said with you. 

Just focus on simple pleasantries like “hello” and “goodbye,” like the rest of society tries to. 

This reeks of unhealthy enmeshment between your girl and ex dude bro. 

I just realized you’re the guy whose “girl” doesn’t have a court order with her ex. 

Oof.

Her ex's girlfriend was extremely nice to my girl and open to understanding why she wanted to know who was playing a role in her daughter's life.

Great, so now you've all met and you know exactly what you knew about each other before...nothing. Except that the new girlfriend can play nice when need be.

But if it gives "your girl" a piece of mind, so be it. Glad it went smoothly, other than the attempted "bro down".

I hate to break it to you, and I know it’s not what you wish to hear, but this dude is the epitome of “The gift that keeps on giving.” 

Buckle up, because you and your girl are in for a wild ride. Especially when illicit drugs are a factor.

Why?   I have never met a single one of the Spermidiots Ho's of the week.  Why give BM equity status to you?  Obviously her SO is not even worthy of a seat at the table.   I have never given the Spermidiot any status and his Ho squad are even lower in status that that waste of parental skin POS is.

The toxic blended family opposition has only one choice. Do what they are told or suffer.  Do not give them any status or a place at any table that is not facing a Judge with you, your DH and your legal team loaded for bear and ready to destroy them.

This strategy worked wonders for us.

If things aren’t on good terms between the mom and dad a meeting with everyone isn’t going to improve that.

You’re partner has absolutely no say in who her ex dates. The idea of knowing who her kids are around is pointless. She has no ability to control it and that’s not reality. Kids will be introduced to tons of people and she has no say in that. Does she feel the need to vet every one of his friends too? Does she homeschool the kids to prevent them from being around a teacher she hasn’t met or heaven forbid a sub?

BM hated me when I came into the picture because I gave SO a backbone and called her on her crap. She pulled that sh*t when we let my parents watch the kids and whine about them being around my roommate. Touch sh*t. The lawyer told her she had no say. When you divorce a person you lose a certain amount of rights towards your child. She has no right to dictate his home, who he dates, or has around the kids. Sure some orders have morality clauses but they are worthless and lead to children being interrogated.

BM in our case has introduced the children to so many people I can’t even count at this point. While we don’t think it’s healthy for the kids we realize there’s nothing we can do so the best thing for us is to maintain stability in our home and offer the kids support. We don’t bash BM and her choices in front of the children. We don’t make it sound like we know better than her and we don’t feel the need to rush down and meet every new guy.

Wait till there is a school event or a need to meet. That’s what finally helped BM and I get on the decent working terms we’re on. She figured out that she needed to cooperate with me for the good of the children and I showed I had no intent on taking her place or taking her children from her. The children made it clear that I was “good” and that should be enough for any parent.