No 1 on 1 time.
Hi, I'm totally new to forums and chat rooms, but I need some answers and I'm guessing other step parents would have them. I've been dating a girl for just over two years and she has 2 boys, 9 and 11. The younger one tries everything he can to take every bit of attention that anyone will give him. He completely overwhelms us with questions, and non stop chatter. As soon as his mom gives anyone any kind of attention he does anything (positive or negative) to pull it towards him. His older brother is often brought to tears as he feels left out constantly. I've tried being the disciplinarian with no success, I've tried being the nice guy with no success. I've tried to just stay out of the way. I thought he would grow out of it but it's been two years and hes getting worse. He is doing more and more bold things to get attention as small things get ignored. He has no fear for consequences as he knows doing something bad will get him noticed. This is putting a huge strain on the relationship I have with my partner. We have almost no time together anymore and what little time we did have hes found a way to take it. Any information will help. Thanks.
O M G.
O M G.
They’re only 9 and 11. It will get a lot worse before it gets better.
My advice would be to ease back and eventually off from this relationship, because there’s all sorts of crimson red flags here.
Run.
It doesn't sound like your GF
It doesn't sound like your GF is parenting very well. Do the kids have any time with dad? It might mean that the child needs some therapy as well.. and mom needs to learn to set some boundaries.
Certainly with kids that age.. they should be going to sleep fairly early so there should be some alone time. Also, they should have time away with their father.. at friend's or at other relatives.
Mom should also be hiring babysitters so you can have time out as well.
Honestly, you have a long way to go with a mom who is overwhelmed and unable to handle her kids.
I don't know much about kids,
I don't know much about kids, but I know dogs are so much more manageable when you wear them out.
Why not sign them up for a physical activity with adult supervision that meets frequently? Summer camp? Swim lessons? Little League?
You and she will get time alone when they're at practice. Some other adult will be dealing with all this kid'squestions and attention-seeking behavior. And both boys will be physically worn out when they return home -- swimming is particularly good for putting kids in nighttime comas.
Maybe when your problem kid is competing with a whole team of other boys for a coach's attention, he will grow up (he won't want to look like a baby in front of the other kids) and he'll find a new way to get the attention he needs -- he'll learn to stand out by making the perfect pitch or running bases faster than the other boys. Then he'll have his niche and he might even develop a love for baseball or swimming or whatever.
As I said, I know nothing about kids, but if they're sitting around your house all day, all summer, they're gonna get on your nerves anyway. I think your problem kid needs to be in a new setting where he can't manipulate to get attention because he's just one of many kids trying to get attention. These are social skills we don't even realize we learn. He can't learn this, though, in a house where he's already had so much success stealing the show with his bad behavior.
You will never win
This is going to be your life. BF is out of the picture, It will all fall onto you. Your GF is happy playing Happy Family with you. She can not understand why you just don’t love her kids the same way she does. She doesn’t understand there not your kids.
That you want the same thing her EX got from her. Free time to do thing on your own, to go out to dinner with out paying more for babysitter then the dinner. Spend a Saturday playing with her not the kids. The EX got that. But you are different, you don’t get that
Wow, Harry...that's a way of
Wow, Harry...that's a way of putting it that stings, but every word is true.