Just to get a court order?  DH could do this pro-se using the status quo as an argument and probably win.   

Trying to get CS reduced?   Not likely if there is a big difference in income.  

You should NOT be paying his attorney fees, let him handle the legal stuff if he wants to see his kid more.  Court orders protect everyone.  Google sample parenting plans and think ahead for the next 5 years on what you want.   Leave out the haircut business or the babysitter stuff.  It's irrelevant.  

So what happened that you can start working toward more custody?  And what does "start working toward more custody" mean?

I don't have experience with the court system; DH and BM did their divorce and custody arrangements pro se and so far have managed to work ongoing things out on their own.  The couple friends I have who've been through family court (one is a mother and the other is a father) have mostly been unhappy with the results - they think family court is a clown show mostly designed to line the pockets of lawyers.  

Will you please hear me out?

I will leave out emotion

 Most kids cut their hair when parents are not present. I did it about the same age as your ss. All of my kids did it, usually right before picture day at school. A neighbor of mine---her daughter sat behind a potted plant and chopped it ALL OFF leaving 2inches from the scalp. 

Interesting use of words that your attorney said "Enough is enough"....hmmmm, what was lawyer doing these past 3 years?

Judges will not hand over custody to ncp (dad)  unless custodial (bm in your case) is in a paddy wagon riding to the brink. Even then,,,moms usually get their kids back sooner or later. Save your money. Your lawyer knows this too by the way.

What IS reasonable, assuming your bm is not in police custody----request a more fair and balanced custodial arrangement. Ask for 50 50 equal physical custody of the child....whether it is 1 week with you, 1 week with mom. OR weeks with you, then 2 weeks with mom.

Expect a landslide of push back from mom---child needs 1 home...child needs 1 bed...child needs stability..That is false. What kids need is both parents equally in their lives AND kids do best in 2 separate homes with 2 different dynamics in post divorce families providing there is not factual neglect or abuse, drug use history ON RECORD not bs talking points.

Also,,,be aware it is not unheard of to suggest "graduated" order to slowwwwwly increase overnights over a long period of time. that is ludicrous. DO NOT Fall for it. Just to look reasonable or out of fear you may loose it all. Its bs.

Before you know it ss will be a 2nd grader and dad still does not have 50 50 shared equal custody.

1. ask for 50 50 shared equal custody.

Dont bring up hair cutting. It does not matter...what does matter is IF mom left child sit outside in 90' weather because she was at a bar for a few hours.. OR if there is no running water, NO electric, IF mom is cooking meth in the house--stuff like that.

2. Ask for first right of refusal. If mom cant care for her child DAD is called first before she pawns child off on her neighbor then calls it day care expenses. True stories lol

Child support amount should change somewhat. EXPECT mom to say the only reason you want more time with child is so you dont have to pay as much cs. Just expect it..

3. Ask for year on/year off for tax exemption. AND same for holidays. Even years mom takes tax credit, has the kid for christmas eve and christmas day. Odd years are for dad. Even years mom has child for all easter break, odd dad does. SPLIT summer in half.  Dont fight over birthdays OR dads birthday OR hallmark holidays. Halloween especially drives people nuts.  LET Her have it IF the child is with her.  Plan holidays around the schedule. It is very easy to do.

GoodLuck hope it helps a little.

Because SD was so little at time of divorce, DH and BM were court ordered to do 50/50 until SD started school.

Now it's about 65-70/30-45. So while written as percentages it seems negligible but the transition is good. Sd is more stable without the constant back and forth. 

You said in your previous post that you currently have 50/50. What makes your lawyer think your DH should have more time? The court is only going to change custody if it is "in the best interest of the child" - and that means BM will have to be doing something truly awful. Letting the child spend time with his grandmother and letting him cut his own hair is not going to be enough. Differences in parenting styles is not enough.

Read around this site. There are children who are truly being abused who are court ordered to spend time with their abusive bio-moms. Generally speaking, courts tend to favor BM's - not always, but usually.

Family Law attorneys have to make a living, and one way they do it is by encouraging clients to engage in prolonged battles regardless of their chance of winning. Another is by representing clients in matters that could be handled pro se.

It is very difficult for a father to win custody unless the mother is incarcerated, has a documented history of endangering her child(ren),  abandoned her child(ren), or doesn't fight for them in court. Even antiquated , pro BM courts are beginning to acknowledge that it's in a child's best interest to have both parents involved, and where I live, CPS's mission is to keep families together. They see garden variety selfish, immature moms every day and aren't in the business of taking their custody away.

I don't know the details of your specific step situation, but decades on in my own I'm able to look back and see how foolish we were to drain our savings for a custody battle our attorney assured us we could win. At the end of the day, there are no villains or heroes in your story. BM is who your SO chose to be the mother of his child, and she always will be. Your SO needs to get the best, most detailed CO  he can afford, and focus on being the best parent he can be. Coparenting if it's feasible, Parallel Parenting if it isn't, and he would do well to sit in on a couple of days worth of Family Court to get a realistic view of how things are there.

I applaud your and DH's focus on what is best for the SKid.  However, in my experience courts are led by the bottom 10%ers of the legal profession who are far from understanding what is best for a child in any given situation. Far more often than not, again in my experience, they do "what I always do" when making decisions regarding visitation, CS, etc, etc, etc..... and rarely consider the facts that are presented.

So, go in loaded for bear, go in expecting to win, but prepare for disappointment.

Oh boy. OP, I'm glad you love your SS, but we spent 50K fighting in court for my SS and ended up with 0% contact with him, as BM alienated him entirely.

Please lower your expectations down to nothing.  I know you think you have a good case (everyone does going in), but BM starts with a 100+ point advantage just for having a vagina. And if she's good at lying and manipulating, you can expect lots of lies and false allegations, including ones of abuse.  Steel yourself for a possible CPS visit and allegations that you and/or DH is abusing SS4. 

Also prepare yourself for endless litigation that goes nowhere and gets adjourned a million times. And please don't fall into the trap of encouraging DH (as his lawyer might) to try to get sole custody with supervised visits for BM, or something crazy like that - it will set off BM's anxiety about losing her kid and she will ramp up the crazy (if she is crazy).  Just ask for something fair, like 50/50.

Good luck. I would never encourage anyone to set foot in Family Court. I well remember being giddy about court helping out and boy, was that a joke.

IMO, Family Court is broken. There are some good judges, and I hope you get one, but by and large, it's a dysfunctional process.