First day of school "Told ya so" moment
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I got a call at my job around 1130-12 thismorning saying that SD was being non-compliant with the kindergarden teacher, then proceeded to vomit in the classroom. (They couldn't reach my wife.) No fever, but needed to be picked up. I responded with my wife's boss's desk number, and went about my day.
Who would have thought not teaching rules and structure could lead to such a thing?
Rage vomiting is a new low though, I wonder what discipline she puts into effect when they get home.
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Who would have thought 'let
Who would have thought 'let kids be kids' would result in this? Not your wife.
I foresee more calls from the school. Even if this school call results in a wake up call for your wife, it is going to take time and consistency to reverse the child's behavior.
Dealing with school behavior
Dealing with school behavior issues is one of those things that really bothers me when it comes to the skids. First week of school here SS9 got into a fist fight with a group of kids, 2 other boys and a girl, as well as stealing supplies from his classroom. The whole story was ridiculous but I got the phone call and let his dad deal with it. I don't want to be bothered with any of it, I just let their dad pick them up when it's needed and have to face the school, not my problem.
Glad you directed the school to your wife as well!
Any time a kid is sent home sick from school
Ths kid should spend the rest of the day in bed with no electronics.
I got off the phone with my
I got off the phone with my wife and she said "She gets headaches sometimes and gets sick". No response to the disregard for the teacher.
....
Not once in 3 years has this kid got sick from a headache. Very often the child has "REEE" fits when she doesn't get what she wants.
A part of me is happy to see reprocussions on my wife, another part feels bad for the kid.
well done!
great reaction to tell them to call her boss. Leaving work to pick up a kid, whether sick or not, is something only a parent does in my opinion. If I got a call from SS's school (which I would not, since I'm not a contact to my knowledge) unless I had absolutely nothing going on (which happens never) no way would I put a Skid before my career. Hell no.
OP I support you. No one on
OP I support you. No one on this post agrees with anything Merreywey says. Don't pay any attention to her. She's just being antagonistic for the sake of it. Other step-parents on this site have called her out for secretly being a bio mother, who is bitter and has a vendetta against step-parents in general.
An update.
An update.
1. Merrywey is a bag of hatred and resentment, built up over years of holding her actual feelings in about her own situation. She eventually snapped and became a "you gotta deal with hell it for the children who aren't yours" robot.
2. She vomited on the way to before school daycare. Wife took her to urgentcare, the PA said no fever, no signs of a virus. Her Mom took her home. She has successfully linked vomiting in the morning to spending the day off from school with Mommy. When my wife called me, I could hear her child shouting in the background, having a great time on her tablet watching youtube. Jesus. It's going to be an all out war when I have to teach my own daughter that we are better than that.
I read over my post and it's like "this sounds like a man who's trolling us"(only not-so-merrywey) But I can't make this up. It's hilarious, sad, and ridiculous at the same time.
Reply to update
I actually wrote to administration about Merreywey. They said they'd keep an eye out.
Anyway, moving on.
i have a question: did you confront your wife about the fact that you could hear your SD shouting happily in the background?
Have you thought of saying to your wife "I don't know why you're coming to me about this. You've caused this"
Was SD always like this? What brought you to propose to your wife, under these circumstances?
I don't have any domain over
I don't have any domain over her behaviors, I got shut down on that front. Yes, I mentioned it to her, and she gives the permissive "she's just watching youtube".
It's hard to tell with kids this young, honestly. There are probably children who conform in school even with terrible parents.
Proposing to my wife though? It was nothing like this before. At all. We'd go out 4-5 times a week - alone. She'd spend half the week at my place - alone. I saw her child here and there, but there weren't any red flags flying until a year after the marriage. When SD's BF stepped back in, she really showed a scary side. It's like her personality flipped.
We now have a shared daughter, whom I have full reign of. It's weird that my wife will enforce nothing on her own daughter, but encourage me to enforce my own standards on my own young one, but not her's. I honestly think that she just wants to be the house of no rules so her daughter doesn't decide to go live with her dad.
Give the school
I actually have
mixed feelings about the way the school handled the situation. Yesterday I had Kinders ( I work in a K-8 school) and during my time with them we talked about the rules, the importance of safety, etc. We had criers, one whiner, some pretty blatant breaking of the rules and one kid who looked like he was going to puke (he was also a crier lol). They are young, some are scared, some have only been with a parent before this, and so on. I am mindful of the littles. If she were 8? Yeah. I would send her butt to the principal's office for breaking the rules but Kinders are learning and I do not expect compliance Day 1. I don't expect compliance Day 10. By December I expect that 99% of the kids will have it down and I adjust my expectations as I get to know the kids.
If I were in your SD's classroom I would have pulled her aside, gotten her to calm down pre-puke and we would have had a conversation abut what she was struggling with and why. And then thrown in some positive reinforcement each time she followed a new rule.
Now, I did have to tell a group of 8th graders that they would get up and clean their tables. When they didn't comply I made it 100% clear that non compliance was not an option. So I am not a coddler at all.
I used to work with this
I used to work with this woman and the school would call her every single day. She would sit on the phone and half heartedly explain away why her son couldn't follow the rules or be expected to behave. It was sickening to listen to. When all that didn't work and the school would demand a meeting or that she needed to come pick her kid up she would complain bitterly to all of us about how awful and rigid the school was being.
I figure her kid just needed a wide open field to go be feral in.
Some questions
I have some questions about your last few posts:
When you and your wife fought about replacing the I-pad that SD broke, what points did she try and use to argue her case?
Also, you said that your wife is terrified of getting SD to do anything unpleasant. Have you tried sitting down and point blank confronting her about this? She seems to be absolutely away with the fairies, and totally living in Noddy Land. You might have to snap her out of it by withholding all the goods things in a loving relationship (like affection, friendly chats etc) until she gets a wake up call.
Stop letting her get away with trying to smooth over incidents with lame excuses. Bring her up short, call her out on them, and explain why they're unacceptable.
Sorry one more thing
I realise that picking and bickering now might escalate to fights, which then might escalate to World War 3. But, maybe that's what's needed to shake things up for some real change. Which will hopefully result in addressing these issues in marriage counselling. You'd be amazed at how your spouse isn't able to fob you off as usual with a third party right there. And often your complaints are heard in a different light when they're raised in that kind of public arena. Then no-one gets to wriggle out of anything.
I reckon it should be mandatory for blended family couples to have weekly counselling anyway. It's a situation that's a higher level of difficulty, and should be treated as such.
Her points? She didn't really
Her points? She didn't really have arguable points. It was broken because SD kicked it out of bed when she was asleep multiple times, after being asked to place it on her nightstand multiple times. The charging port also got messed up, because when she'd fling it off the bed it'd rebound off of it's charger before it hit the floor.
So basically "I want to buy her this because I want to". "She's always watched youtube at night". "She doesn't bother us when she watches youtube." These points seem moot to me.
Yes, I mention it every single time I see something. "She isn't listening to you because you have no bite behind your bark" can probably be heard coming out of my mouth half a dozen times a day. At the end of the day, I tried to correct her child, and got the "she isn't yours to correct" snapped at me. I promise I'll never do it again, she's on her own.
I don't think you should let
I don't think you should let the "she isn't yours to correct" line ride. SD may not be your daughter, but she lives in the same house as you, and therefore everything she does impacts you.
Did you read my other recent post just a minute ago about counselling?