OK, STalkers, y'all may remember I'm the one married 20 years who recently decided I'm going to BACK AWAY from doing things (and especially spending $$$ on) the SKs to try in vain to get the SKs to like me when all they do is take advantage. The first challenge comes as SS23's wife posted on FB that they're having a "reception" and want to know "who'd like to come." (Remember, SS23 was practically estranged and they got married secretly earlier this year & we found out from SS25's wife) I'm FB friends with SS23's wife, as she sent me a friend request after meeting her at our house at Christmas, and I've seen her 2 other times, at Father's Day dinner when we invited them and when she and SS23 came to get the $800 computer we bought him at BM's request to take online college classes.

Anywho, first of all, who invites people to a reception by posting on FB, "Who'd like to come?" It looks like only her friends and no family commented. I'm torn as to whether to do anything further, such as message her and tell her we'd like to come. I VERY MUCH DON'T want to go and be uncomfortable around BM and her clan of a family. I also DON'T want to go just to have have to pay for something. On the other hand, I will feel terrible for DH if he doesn't go. Although DH is also FB friends with SS23's wife, DH is so passive when it comes to the Sks, I feel sure if I don't do anything to reach out to her, we won't get any more details and simply will not be part of the "reception." On the other hand, I'm ok with that. lol! But, most of all, the reason I've done EVERYTHING I have for the spoiled, entitled SKs is, I don't want DH to be upset, and this is no different.

So, the question is, if you were me, would you take the lead and message SS23's wife and tell her we would like to come to the reception and just brace yourself for being uncomfortable, possibly being asked to pay and any other negativity that comes from being associated with it? OR, would you just remain completely HANDS OFF, leaving it completely up to DH, knowing if I do nothing, we won't go and that will be it?? I feel SURE SS23 won't invite him directly, and it's not even clear to me if they're sending formal invitations at all, but obviously, like BM told DH YEARS ago, they're handling things "internally," which still appears very much to be the case. I'm absolutely certain that DH's mom and his oldest sister would want to go if they knew about it, so we would have "someone" with us. I just don't know if I can bear it, or if I SHOULD be the one. Right now, I'm leaning towards just keeping with my vow to disengage, seeing if they contact us directly about it (I mean, who invites their parents to a wedding reception on a FB post asking who wants to come, right?!) and letting DH decide then.

Does anyone feel I should be more proactive or involved in pushing the situation? I'm curious to hear your thoughts. Thanks!