You are here

Mother’s Rage

lorlors's picture

Submitted by lorlors on Mon, 09/23/2019 - 4:58am

Forums: 
General Discussion

A very interesting and quite confronting article. It explains to me how event after event, flashpoint after flashpoint can cause a step-parent to blow their fuse. How often does the DH wonder or express shock at the straw that broke the camel’s back?

https://parenting.nytimes.com/parent-life/mother-rage

Swim_Mom's picture

Submitted by Swim_Mom on Mon, 09/23/2019 - 5:37am

Interesting article...for me personally that applies only to skids. I have been annoyed, or at times mad at my own kids, of course! But rage is only for step kids and of course ex-H.

lorlors's picture

Submitted by lorlors on Mon, 09/23/2019 - 9:26am

I have never felt angry at my bio baby just increasingly resentful of skids and their BS as time went on.

secret's picture

Submitted by secret on Mon, 09/23/2019 - 3:27pm

Oh yes. Not so m7ch when they were younger because they didn't know any better.... once they DID know better, though, dear Lord help me now.

There are days where I wish I could pack up and disappear for a month.

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Mon, 09/23/2019 - 3:44pm

I've only felt that towards my own kids in rare instances where I was already under a ton of stress, but it isnt quite as extreme as the article described and a very brief feeling. SD is the opposite and there is only brief instances where I can stand her. Usually as soon as I hear her voice or see her walking towards the car or into the house with her stupid smirk she always has on her face I tense up. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 09/25/2019 - 3:07am

Wow.

A very powerful article.  I get it though.  I struggled with it in the early days of our relationship.   I swatted SS on the rump a little too hard, over reacted to toddler stuff (putting paper clips in wall plugs, etc, etc,,,, He scared the shit out of me with that one.  I didn't want an electrocuted baby destroying my wife and my marriage).  I equated my visceral revulsion to his presence to a mammalian response to the presence of someone else's child in my life.  I saw an Animal Planet special on lions about that time that outlined how when a new male takes over a pride the first thing he does is kill the young offspring of his predecessor to ensure resources go to his own progeny and to induce estrus in the lionesses.

Fortunately, like the author of the article, intellect is a tool I was able to use to address my issues. SS was an amazing little tow headed guy. And I loved him intensely, even then.  Recalling those feelings even 25+ years later chokes me up.   I did not hurt him or mistreat him but I certainly could have had I not maintained some self control.

It really is a miracle when any kid survives to 18.  Many are on the verge of being strangled by one parent or the other nearly constantly.  In my SS's case, he survived because his mom and I could not agree to do him in at the same time. One or the other of us was always willing to give him just a few more minutes which ultimately insured his survival. Lucky for him we never reached the end of our ropes at the same time.

I feel for this lady.  I feel for any parent.  Add the infinitely harder job of being a SParent to that stress and shit can get real in a hurry.