Hard Day
Long story, short, I'm getting tired of my SKs behaviour. Since they came back from their mom's, both SDs have gone back to being wild animals. Especially the youngest. It's almost like she cannot control herself. Loud, obnoxious, whiney, ignores everyone but herself. Like she will constantly scream in the house and I will tell her calmly to be quiet. She'll reply with an Ok and then 2 mins later she was yelling again. I gave her 2 more warnings when finally I snapped and told her to just Be quiet, and that she's not the only person that lives in the house so therefore respect the fact that not every wants to hear an annoying screaming child. DH also took over and disciplined her. Then theres the oldest step daughter who's nosey as f**k and is always listening in to peoples convos and checking in on their business. We are currently living with my parents until the new house is ready, and I've already caught her trying to go through mail that is not hers, and peeking at people's phones. I'll be having a private convo with my mom in another room and she'll be listening in and then answer questions I'll ask my mom. So I tell her to mind her own. DH got involved and disciplined her too for the noseyness.
He also got mad at her the other day because she'd be face timing BM and going around the house showing BM my parent's home. My parents felt super uncomfortable and like their privacy was being invaded. DH put a stop to it when he caught her and set a rule that no talking on the phone unless it's on the downstairs couch in the living room and reexplained privacy and respect to her. He told her that if she cannot respect these rules then the phone gets taken away.
At this point I just feel super irritated. I am grateful that DH and I are on the same page. But I cant help to feel some resent against the SKs. Ever since they came back these girls have been sneaky and I cant seem to trust them like before. I know BM did a number on them to manipulate them to stay with her, but still. It's getting hard to handle.
Did DH actually punishes her ?
like taking away what she was FaceTiming with or was it. The talk. Next time you get a longer talk. I would not be to proud of DH. Seems like there was very little parenting done by DH .
yelling is one thing. Kids will be kids, but showing no respect is another thing. Telling her the next time does not mean anything unless he actually does something the next time. I am sure you will find out shortly
It was the first time she had
It was the first time she had done it (the BM house tour) so it was just a talk this time, but DH is usually pretty good at following through with his word. So I'm not concerned with the discipline issue. It just seems that they're not shaking off certain bad habits no matter how much they are punished/grounded.
I should also mention that the screaming situation mentioned was not while DH was home. When he came home from work I told him what had happened and he dealt with it.
She's momma's little spy! Glad your DH sees what's going on &
supports you!
This definitely HAS to stop. Your DH has to be the disciplinarian, not you. If DH is not home, you simply say, "Would you like to use a lower/inside voice while waiting your turn to speak, or would you like to go to my bedroom/the garage, (or whatever not fun, no toy, electronic space)?" Presenting them with a CONTROLLED CHOICE makes them "feel" like they're in control, but really YOU are. When she does the desired thing, either lower her voice, or electively leaves the room for the "not fun" place, you compliment or praise her, and let her know you like what she did. She seems very people socialized and attention starved (craves attention). One of the best ways to handle an "attention seeking" child is to isolate them. It's the worst thing for them because they crave the attention, even if it's negative attention, "you're looking at ME!" If my kids acted up when they were little, I would send them to MY ROOM. There were no toys, tv, etc. NOTHING FUN TO DO IN THERE. I never understood why many parents send kids to their own rooms as punishment. Gee, let me see, XBox, iPad, etc. that sounds like torture, not!
When the youngest is loud, she is simply removed her from the situation. The first few times your DH tells her WHY, "You're being loud. Other people are waiting their turn to speak and you will need to also." After 4 or 5 times, you don't explain, you just remove her from the others. Before long, she will realize, 'When I do "A", "B" happens."
The phone needs to be permanently taken away from the other girl. She has violated your parents' privacy, and that is a huge form of disrespect, and that needs to be talked about. Perhaps she can slowly start earning phone time ONCE YOU ARE IN YOUR OWN HOME. Your parents are doing you and DH a tremendous favor, and they deserve the utmost respect from the guests in their home. Remember, they are also having to put up with the youngest one being so loud and noisy also. I know the older I get, the harder it gets to be around kids, especially ill behaved ones.
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your post. I really appreciate the advice you have given.
Love the idea about isolation when SK is loud. As for the phone, it is the sole form of communication for SKs and BM because BMs friend's kid decided to destroy SKs tablet "by accident". It was supposed to get fixed according to BM but of course it didn't. He didn't even agree with this phone idea to begin with as SKs are way too young for one. However, BM passed her old phone down without consulting. She pays for it so we don't say anything. DH has already grounded her from playing on it, and has limited her space of where she can use it while here at my parents (only on the couch and when DH is home). However he said if he has to take it away because of disrespect then he will and will deal with BM later.
YVW, and Good Luck, You're So Fortunate DH Is On Board With You
that is 99% of your issue resolved. Now it's time for consistency!
I get what you're saying.
It's just such a tough crazy world when you have to deal with BM's
You are absolutely right!
You are absolutely right!
Update: now SKs are lying to
Update: now SKs are lying to BM saying that the reason they don't call her is because their Dad set rules about using the phone. Meanwhile, that's an absolute lie. They just forget to call her. He never restricts them from calling her.
So now you can MAKE them call
So now you can MAKE them call her every day at a specified time whether they like it or not. They can suck it.
Honestly, we already
You're right! DH already encourages them every day to do it. But I agree now its gonna have to be like: *dials number* talk to your mom.