I am not exactly who you are looking for, as I'm not TTC, but this still resonates with me. I know what you mean about EVERYONE having a baby. Especially the first time families. I don't even want my own bio-baby but still I go through phases of bitterness when everyone I know is having baby showers or their kids' first birthdays and they get to worry about "easy" baby stuff and seemingly have these moments of "baby magic". 

Meanwhile, I'm over here dripping blood, sweat and tears, raising two kids who are not "mine", who are way past the cute little baby phase, and I'm dealing with issues from the second family chaos and BM that makes me sometimes feel as if it's taking me to my breaking point and the whole time, girlfriend next door is having a panic attack over little baby Clementine not pooping in the last 8 hours.

It makes me stabby! And again, I'm not even TTC. I'm just jealous that sometimes having a baby looks so much more clean and convenient than step-life. I can imagine that if I were in your shoes, I'd be consumed with the feeling of... I guess I'd personally call it unfairness? Because you are trying to do the right thing, be responsible about your family planning, but at the same time, it would feel (again, to me) like you have the most to lose. Because everyone else already has their seconds and you're still hoping for firsts. 

Usually, when I'm in this phase, I ask my DH to tell me his least favorite parts of having a baby so that I can be reminded that it's not always as good as it looks, but I don't think that would help you at this time. LOL. For me, when I'm getting pissy over other people's babies, it's connected to issues I have with my own role in my step family and not getting a lot of "firsts". So I like to make a list of all the firsts that I'm having with my DH, or just in general, to try and connect myself to the present and remember that I'm actually living a life that is pretty closely aligned with the one I'd already dreamed of (except for the crazy BM -- did not dream of that).

I'm sorry I'm not more help, but even without TTC, I can see how this would be a difficult time of waiting and impatience. Sending you hugs... and fertile earth energy!

I'm sorry you're going through this, LD. 

BTDT with the fertility stuff. My exh and I went through all kinds of tests (he had low motility). He switched from briefs to boxers, we charted my period/temp, had sex in positions to keep the sperm inside (including me lying in bed for 30 minutes afterwards with my pelvis tilted up and legs in the air). 

It's possible that your anxiety is a factor, but we all know it's not always easy to "relax". Do you think you would feel better if you were also tested?? 

You know I have my fingers crossed, am sending good joujou, and made countless sacrifice on your behalf. Okay, so those sacrifices were in the form of black flies, mosquitos, and spiders. But I did it for you!!!

xoxoxo

I'm sorry you're struggling! 

My DH also had a reversal done, and I remember being very worried about if it would work. Also, DH and I were newly married and had not scheduled his reversal yet we found out that BM had a surprise pregnancy from her BF. I was very upset about that too. I guess maybe I was upset about it because it's something I wanted so badly, and was afraid I wouldn't be able to have, and BM just gets it thrown in her lap without even trying. 

In the end, DH's reversal was successful. The first couple months when I wasn't pregnant (even though I had convinced myself I would be) I was sooo upset, then the 3rd month when I had myself convinced i was NOT prenant, I was! and 4 years later, I don't give a crap that BM had a baby before me, it actually ended up giving skids a trial run on what to expect with a newborn baby around the house!

Also, I know my DH felt a lot of pressure and stress after his reversal, it's possible that your DH is just worried that he won't be able to give you want you want and that's why he doesn't seem as upset, he may be trying to avoid/ mask his worry that it's  him. 

Considering there wasn't sperm found until August, you are NOT very far out from there. Please try not to stress! It takes couples with no fertility issues, reversals, anything months to get pregnant sometimes! Just because it didn't happen the first few months, does not mean anything is wrong. Try to give it more time!

I know this is a hard time in between, waiting for it to be close enough to test, but try to just keep yourself busy and distract yourself. Just one step at a time good luck!

Just remind yourself that getting pregnant really isn't easy even if you see undeserving people having kids all the time. I think its only like 33% probabilty on your most fertile day. Have you downloaded a fertility app? I used one to track when I was trying to avoid getting pregnant and it was helpful by giving me probablilty based on fertility percentages on each day. 

It's probably a good thing your DH isnt as worked up as you are because stress isnt going to help. You need to protect your mindset by avoiding thinking of BM and her ability to have kids. Your fertility journey is suppose to be very different from her. Plus just know that your DH really loves you and wants to have a kid with you to have gone through a reversal surgery. Don't let thoughts of bm diminish that.

I didn’t go to extremes, but I used a fertility app and OPKs. Both easy.  It gave me a sense of limited “control” and in the end both helped me get pregnant twice over 40.

I can sort of relate.  DH never had a vasectomy, but we had trouble TTC.   The whole time we were trying, I obsessed about the fact that DH and BM had TWO unplanned pregnancies - BM got pregnant without even trying.  That annoyed the heck out of me, because I wanted a baby and it wasn't happening.  BM had a new bf (now her husband) at the time and had she gotten pregnant I might have exploded.  The issues were mine, but my doctor did test DH, because he said prior children were no guarantee of current fertility.  I was a bit crazy about it; DH was much calmer.  I figured that was because HE already had kids.  Had I not been able to conceive, I fear I would have resented the skids at some point.   Anyway, all that is to say that I think what you're feeling is totally normal and understandable.  Patience was definitely lacking in me during that whole time.  To be honest, I have no good advice.

It took us awhile to get pregnant with our first "ours" baby. Miscarried that one and took awhile to get pregnant again. Then we ended up having an unplanned one 5 months after the first was born and while I was fully breastfeeding and the odds were much lower. So dont give up yet, sometimes it really is just random chance whether it happens or not in a given month. 

I get it though, I pretty much felt all the same stuff you said. Every month its like a separate loss after getting your hopes up. And you dont know for sure if/when it will happen and only have so much you can do about it so its rough. And BM having an accidental pregnancy made me feel like a failure when it took us awhile - I knew that wasn't rational but it's how it felt. 

Please don’t compare yourself to BM. Years from now, believe me, she will be a distant memory. 

Could you try IUI. It is less costly then IVF and you could get his best swimmers. That or maybe fertility drugs. 

If I were you I would be hoping she has kids, trust me it will make your life easier as she will then have her new child to attend to.

I totally get where you’re coming from. DH didn’t have a vasectomy but we were both older when we started TTC & it took ages to finally get pregnant. DH has 2 accidental pregnancies as well which made it that much harder to take. It’s really hard not to compare experiences.. it’s such a personal thing & when you want something so badly that your spouse already has with someone else, comparing happens whether you mean to or not. 

I miscarried our first ours baby as well which was horrible. It took about 6 months of trying after that to get pregnant again, and I finally have my baby. 

Fertility struggles are hard. It’s not something anyone can understand if they’ve never experienced it, so ignore anyone who undermines what you’re going through or tries to minimize your experience. Being told to relax is like telling an angry person to calm down... it never helps. 

I really hope it works for you Lt_D, you’d make such a great mother. I’m rooting for you big time.

my husband always said go with the flow, forget about dates and charting temperatures etc because its stressing you out. 

It had been 4 months since we married and working around hubby flying regularly during ovulation time didn’t help. Often he’d come home from work on ovulation day and was too tired for sex.

i kid you not thr next month when i forgot about charting temp and dates, bam preggers... hubby said i told you so.

stress messes up your hormones and especially the hormones which regulate ovulation. 

Something i read also is it takes 3 months for the sperm to regenerate if a guy has been on a shit diet so make sure he is getting protein and greens etc. coffee 30 mins before sex is something some believe help sperm have a little energy to swim

I have to ask.  Are you happy with your step family?  Most people here are not.  I'm not.  And I honestly can't fathom adding an "ours" babyto the shit show that is my nontraditional family.  Most of these marriages are ticking time bombs headed for divorce.  Why add a baby to that?  I mean I know they're cuddly and smell good.  But do you feel like your marriage is headed for success?  Are you happy that your skids are going to be part of your future?

Sorry if I'm overstepping here.